[hopingformore]

I know this is a risk to post this in a public forum but I guess I am just hoping someone here will have information (and not criticism) for me....

My husband has a criminal record for a non-violent felony. Very stupid mistake that he is paying for. He is on probation now and will be for another 2 years. We had adopted several years before this all happened and very much want to adopt another child. I am sincere in my desire and in my request for help - I'm not a crack pot.

So, can anyone answer any of these questions:

1. Is it possible to adopt while on probation? Domestically? Internationally?

2. Is it possible to adopt AFTER the probation is over with a felony conviction on your record?

3. Are there any agencies that are willing to work with people in our situation?

4. When is the best time to try for another adoption?

Thanks in advance for your kindness and responses!

Samantha P.

[BrandyHagz]

Samantha,

Without knowing what the felony conviction is, its impossible to say.

Most agencies/social workers will want to have a “history” showing that the offending pre-adoptive parent has clearly seen the errors of their ways and is walking a straight path.

I would say that it will most likely be very difficult if not impossible to find an agency who will work with you in a domestic situation while your husband is on probation. UCIS (the agency in charge of approving applications for domestic adoption) wouldn’t approve your application with your husband being on probation…again, like the social workers and agencies, they want to see a history of “straight path” walking and even then, they may or may not approve the application based on the severity of the conviction.

I would say that, based on what I’ve seen here on the forums and my minimal contact with folks in your situation, ideally, five to ten years after the conviction/sentence has been served is ideal in a domestic situation…with international adoption, it might be slightly more…either way, there will be a lengthy process of explaining the conviction in detail, writing letters to submit with the homestudy and depending on the conviction, possibly even psychological evaluations.

The bottom line is that they want to see that he has truly changed his ways…that he knows he did wrong and is making a real effort to walk the walk…

Is this is only conviction? When dealing with UCIS for approval to adopt internationally, they have access to ALL previous records, even those which have been “expunged” or “dropped” after a completion of their sentence…two instances of the same “crime” on the record shows a pattern…and can make your quest to adopt increasingly harder.

[Poolside]

Samantha, Welcome to the forum. I don't really have any knowledge of this topics, but there are lots of people out here so I hope you get some direction. *I think I read there have been people out here with DUI experience that have adopted. Best of luck to you and your hopefully growing family.

[momofmykids]

Sorry, in TN, you can't adopt with a "record". There are some ICPC's done with kinship placements, but unless it was something 20 years ago, I would think the chances are slim.

Sorry, I wish I could offer more hope.

[hopingformore]

Not that it would make any difference but...it was for theft. He was given 3 years probation (about 9 months into it now) and 40 hours community service (nearly done).
It is the only conviction. He used very very very poor judgement in handling a situation at his former employer and they pursued charges. Rather than fight it because he knew he had made a terrible mistake, he pled guilty. Believe me, he's seen the error of his ways and is on a straight path. He's had counseling, confessed his sin and has asked forgiveness from the One who needs to give it (and from me too). He's really trying to make amends.

I figured it would be some time before we could adopt again, but I didn't know it would be 10 years +. We will be too old at that point, I think so I guess our family won't be growing anymore.

Thanks for your replies. I'll look forward to reading more.

[lmrod55]

I don't have an answer for you, but a suggestion. Why don't you call a couple of agencies and ask? Just let them know that you are researching, and you want to know if they would work with you despite your husband's record (be sure to have the details of his record in front of you, so that they know exactly what it is).

I wish you luck!

[Nevada Jen]

My guess is that it would be impossible to adopt internationally with a felony record less than 10 years old. In Nevada, I do not think you can adopt through fostercare while on probation but I know people with felony convictions (drugs) that are only a year old who were foster parents and are now adopting a baby. So depending on where you live you may be able to adopt through the fostercare system. So in addition to contacting a couple of agencies in your state you may want to contact your local department of family services and see what they have to say.

If you are in a state that allows independent adoptions you may be able to find a social worker who will approve your homestudy allowing you to do an independent adoption (without an agency). If you do this you should contact an attorney before you spend any money and make sure your state will approve the adoption (so it can be finalized). You will also be limited on where your baby can be born because that's state's laws would control whether the child can be taken out of the state by you.

It is probably not impossible to adopt in the next five years but it is definately going to be extremely difficult to get through the pre approval process. I think your best bet is to go through the state foster care system if they will allow you.

Jen

[ALI143]

I am adopting thru the state of Oregon so I only have a list of Automatic Disqualifiers and theaft is not on there only sexual crimes, sale or purchase of a child, murder, three alcohol and/or drug related offenses, three felony convictions within the last 5 years, criminal offense against family, not meeting fire safety standards, falsification of the application.

So I bet it's a case by case basis. Good luck to you!

[numbr1dbcksfan]

In Nevada, I do not think you can adopt through fostercare while on probation but I know people with felony convictions (drugs) that are only a year old who were foster parents and are now adopting a baby.

Wow.. that is scary!!

[Nevada Jen]

Hey! They are good people and really are great parents. They are just not wealthy enough to hire an attorney to fight it and not smart enough to plead it down on their own. Don't get me wrong, the state keeps a closer eye on them than they would any other foster adopt family. My guess is like the PP said. It is not an automatic disqualifier. If you shine in the other areas they will still place a child with you for foster care and the child may become free for adoption (very common in Nevada because Nevada is not a big reunification state).

Jen

[Missourimomtobe]

Hopingformore,

The suggestion to simply call several agencies and ask about prior records/how they handle those is the smartest thing to do. Every state is different, every agency is different, every situation is different. Don't let us discourage you from expanding your family when there very well might be an exception for your case.

Don't give out your name to anyone (if they insist, make one up) and try to call from a phone that doesn't show your info on caller ID. (Perhaps you can call from a friend's house?) Your husband has paid his dues to the legal system; there may very well be a way (or far less time than 10 years) for you to succeed.

Peace,

[Hope4myson]

I don't know where you are but here you can adopt throught the state if you have a record as long as it is not a crime against a child. I guess the only thing you can do is call around and ask.

[hopingformore]

Thanks everyone! I have e-mailed three agencies - two international (China) and one domestic - multiple times each and I was ignored which I took to mean, we won't work with you. I have not tried calling the state, but I think that is an excellent idea.

We can't afford to do an agency adoption right now, but I can look into foster care in the mean time.

numbr1dbcksfan - I used to feel the same way until I got an inside look at the Justice system. I watched someone I love, a good man, make a mistake and pay far more than he deserved because we didn't have the money to fight. Even good people make mistakes - It doesn't make them bad people. It makes them good people who screwed up. Should those people be punished by never being allowed to become parents?

And not to worry - I would never give my real identity out when calling, just as I made up a name to come on the board and ask the question! Too much judgment out there.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I just think that if I were to get sick and had no one to care for Aurora and she had to go into foster care... I would not want her going to someone who is a felon. I know many times the parents are worse than that and that is why they are in foster care...

Im not saying your hubby is a bad guy. I just think they should disqualify. JMHO. How can they remove children from the home to hand them to another family... Rich or poor a felony is a felony is a felony IMO. With theft, I know sometimes once restitution is paid, then the charges can be reduced to a misdemeanor- THEN I would say it should be considered. NEVER EVER IMO should a child be placed with someone with a drug conviction! Even if it WAS 10 years ago.. but certainly not within a YEAR! Someone said they they sought forgiveness from God or something..but that doesnt cut it for me it holds NO water. Muderers, rapist, etc... all can seek 'forgiveness' from 'God'... doesnt mean a child should be placed with them.

I just feel bad, really, that because of it he brought you down with him... in the sense of being a parent.

I would look at it this way.. if something happened and your child had to go into foster care- and the felon was not your hubby- would you want your child placed with that person??

I would hope, that the agencies would look at it from that point of view.

Your hubby could have easily been made an example of and had to serve time... and what if he did and something happened to you... then where are your child's parents?? I think bad judgement is an understatement. It is up to you to forgive him as far as your marriage.. but I would hope that the agencies would not be as forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes, yes, but some have stark consequences... he got off without jail.. but is paying for it in other areas... IMO that is just how it all evens out and he made that choice when he did what he did (AND took the choice away from you.)

Still disgusted over the drug people having a child placed with them.

[hopingformore]

Wow. I think this is one of those, walk a mile in my shoes kind of issues.

Like I said, before going through it myself, I would have said the same thing. But...living it and knowing what goes on really opens your eyes.

People make bad choices and bad judgment calls every day. Some of them are deemed crimes by the State, some are just stupid. Is someone who caused a fatal accident while talking on the cell phone and wasn't charged with a crime any "better" of a person than someone who was arrested for a one time, non-violent offense? It's really hard to make a call like that. Not eveything in this world is black and white.

Murder, yes. Rape, yes. Any violent felony, yes. Any crime against a child, yes. A pattern of crimes, yes. I would agree that those people should not be permitted to adopt or foster. But a one time mistake that has been atoned for and punished? Something that does not speak to the core of a person but to a moment of bad judgment? No I do not believe that person should be punished for all time. By that logic, all "felons" as you call them should be sterilized and prevented from reproducing as well. Heck, why not take the children of convicted "felons" away as well?

You ask how I would feel to have my daughter placed in foster care with a "felon." I think I explained that pretty clearly in the preceeding paragraph. If they person is a good person, on the straight road, and passed all of the tests you have to pass to care for another child, then yes, I would feel comfortable having my daughter in his/her care. Goodness knows I have made enough mistakes in my life, as have we all, but I am still a darn good parent to my own and any other children I am blessed to care for.

My DH is a good man, a good Christian. He has been punished by the State for a mistake he made and paid for. He regrets it. He wishes he could go back and do it differently b/c that one action is not who he is. DH has made it right with the State, with our spiritual leaders, with his Savior, and with his wife. When, in your opinion, should his punishment cease? In 30 years? When he dies? Eternally? That's a rhetorical question, because I really don't care for your opinion on the matter!

I realize that we are going to see very differently on this point and can agree to disagree - you have a right to your opinion formed based on the life you have led and the experiences you have had so far. I believe your convictions are sincere. But...I did not start this thread asking for the judgment you have so readily provided. I can get enough of that elsewhere.

Thanks for everyone for the advice.