[JAG]

Hi All,

I'm looking for advice. We have been doing foster care as well as fost/adopt for some time now and I am considering writing a book on the trials and tribulations of working within the "system". I would hope to give insight into the process from the perspective of someone whose been there. It seems to me that most people are ready to diss the system without offering any alternatives. I plan to do both. Call it constructive criticism with the goal of making a difference.

Any ideas on how to get started? Any interest in the topic? Is it something that would have helped you? Any input would be graciously appreciated.

[mckenna]

i have typically had less than positive experiences with the "system" but yesterday something really hit home with me. i am in the process of adopting my foster son and his 1/2 sister just became my foster child as well. i went to the family support team meeting for the new baby yesterday. as i sat there and relived all the many meetings and court dates i had attended not only for my son but also the other foster children i have had in my home. i realized while i am doing the emotionally draining, time consuming and wonderful day to day care for these children, when it all comes down to it, my children are just a small fraction of the cases my sw, gal, and djo come into contact with. i really can't imagine what they see on an hourly basis and the responsibility they must feel for these children and families lives. while there are still some bad employees working for the system and sometimes they decide things we don't fully understand, i think (and it only took 3 1/2 years) that we need to realize that they are doing the best they can as over worked under paid employees who see more hurt and anger in one day than many see in a whole year. i am not trying to make excuses for all "system" employees, i am just starting to understand a little better where they are coming from.

[JAG]

Thank you for your input McKenna.

I agree with you that both sides need to be looked at and I have some good contacts at CPS that will review my perspective and give their own as well. I believe that many of them feel the same way alot of us do and would be open to people striving for changes in a broken system.

[Mary Schilling]

Dear JAG,

We have been foster/adoptive parents for three and a half years. The thing that bothers me the most is that it seems as though the system gives the biological parent too long to get their act together. We have had two sisters in care for over two and a half years. The parents are violent and use drugs and just can't get clean. That is too long to let children be uncertain about their future. I have found that most of the kids in care whose parents rights are eventually terminated have been in care over two years.

[JAG]

Thanks for your input Mary Ann.

I agree it seems that the rights of the parents are protected much more than those of the children. These kids are held back from a "semi-normal" life by a system that is hesitant to cut the ties and let them move on.

I'm curious what state you are in. Is the problem of length of placement consistent across the nation or just limited to a few states?

Does anyone know if there is a federally mandated waiting period or if it is completely up to the judge to determine when they feel enough is enough?

In California, we have been told that the max is about 18 months plus termination proceedings which could be another 6 months, though who actually makes that determination?

[jjjetplane2]

I have a child in my care who just turmed 3 and has been taken away from Mom 4 times now. She has had 11 moves in 3 years. Bmom has older children who have 'age out' of the system & multiple charges of child abuse and neglect over the past 20 years on several of her children including 2 neglects with this one. They are working on setting 'conditions for return' and mom is planning to go to treatment & 'go through the hoops' to get her back once again.

Meanwhile we have fallen in love with this remarkable little girl who begs me not to go to the bar and wants a promise I will never leave her.

Biological rights certainly come before logic, best interests and safety of the children.

[Tammi5143]

I live in NJ and have been involved in the fost/adopt program since 1999. We have adopted 2 beautiful boys from this program - one who is now 4 and the other 16 months. With my oldest son, I truly hated the fost/adopt program. We almost lost our son, attended numerous court dates, had visitations with his maternal grandmother and siblings (which he screamed through each and every time), had a bonding evaluation, etc, and in the hand, his bmom surrendered while we were in trial. Our social workers where the best ... they helped me through each and every downfall we went through, but at the same time, they had to work with the birth family for reunification. It has a tough, tough program. With our second son, everything went smooth, and he was legally free at 3 1/2 months of age ... no visitation, no court dates, nothing.

The one thing that I have realized in all of the years working with DYFS, is that the social workers are definitely overworked! I kept so many records, and it was a good thing I did. They came back to me when it was time for court to ask me questions. Most of our social workers here have 30+ cases each, most of them with more than 1 child per case, and they have to do what is in each of their best interests. I think that everyone needs to be more aware of the work that the social workers really do .... there are so many negatives these days, especially with everything that went "down" here recently with the child that passed away.

The one thing that I do know is that reunification is not always what is in the child's best interest. Is it in the child's best interest to be put with a 60+ year old relative, when that child is an infant?? I don't think so. NJ is getting better with the timeframe issue ... they are now looking for some type of permanent placement within 15-18 months of the child being put into the system. Sometimes, this is difficult to do, but they are trying.

I feel as if I know so many "ins and outs" with the system, so if you need any input from a fost/adopt parent point of view or an adoptive parent point of view, please feel free to reach out for me.

I am just now entering the world of foster care ... there is a first for everything. We have a 3 month old foster daughter, and it looks promising that she will turn to fost/adopt and then adopt within the next 6-12 months. (And since I have developed a relationship with the bmom, it may be even more so.)

Good luck!

Tammi

[JAG]

Hi jjjetplane,

What a heart breaker!!! These children are begging for someone to love and cherish them. It's no wonder that so many of them become "juvenile delinquents." They don't know who to trust. If the people that love them can't save them then they no longer have any hope and just go into survival mode.

What can we do to help these kids???

[JAG]

Thank you Tammi.

Congratulations on your boys. I'm glad everything worked out for you and you were able to come away from it with a positive attitude. There are times that is very, very difficult when you are in the middle of it. I definitely want to incorporate the philosophy and frustrations of sw's into the book.

What seems ironic to me is that if the "system" did the right thing the first time around rather than having these children come back into care over and over again, then the sw caseload would decrease allowing more time to be given to each case.

I would love to "talk" again, especially once you have gotten your feet wet in the "foster" care arena. I find that it opens up a whole different set of maternal emotions. In a way I tend to advocate for them even more as they are in such limbo.

[jjjetplane2]

What can we do to help these kids??

I have thought much about this as well. My 2 cents...

Ideally...

Residential setting Rehabs..

When a child is taken into care for neglect, they should go to a place where the family can stay with together. Supervised with intensive medical/mental rehabs. I feel 7-10 days of rehab is not enough to get it drugs/alcohol of the system and have the body adjust to being without, and truly educate someone about addictions. All the best treatment centers in the country start at '28 days'.

After the intensive they would move into a less structured, but still round the clock supervised place. If at anytime they go AWOL during treatment, TPR follows.

These drug/alcohol rehabs should be available to ALL people, hopefully they would be utilized before CPS has to step in. Probably would keep some out of jail as well.

IF they complete the programs and the child needs protective services again.. Thats it. Enough.

Court hearing must be swift and things like 'conditions for return' should be set imediately after the child is taken into care regardless if parent shows up in court.

In cases of severe abuse and sexual abuse parent should rights should be terminated immediately. No 'visit' with the pasts should have to happen.

In our state 18 of the last 22 monthes in care is the hearing for TPR. This little girl was back with bmom 7 mo. So the clock started over.

Also they must look at previous children. Both the kids I have taken in had sibling elsewhere in the system. Why can they try to get one child back ( usually the youngest) and not the others? If they have had previous termination of parental rights, and the next kids is proven to have in need of protective services... Well.. Maybe, just maybe this person is not fit to be a parent.

It is so sad the cycle. Both the bmom's I have dealt with have had horrible childhoods.


One other thing. Foster Parents should not be paid. The money aspect seems to dirty the whole concept and the only explaination I can think of why some homes are so bad.

I would love to hear others idea for improving the system.