[Sidswife]

Ok I need to know if I am the only one obsessed with adoption out there?
I never thought that I had an addictive personality or a compulsive disorder until we started the adoption process. Now I wake up thinking of it and go to sleep praying about it!
I can not get enough information, enough forums, enough e-groups!!! I am obsessed and my family is all making a joke out of it. "There she goes on the computer again... Is she making another phone call on a possible situation?"
I figure, as long as I still remember to eat, breathe, sleep, and take care of my family, I can obsess any way I want too
I remember the words of the director of our agency, "Do your normal routine, live the same life, or it will drive you crazy!"
I did not listen very well... but at the same time, the harder I work at this, the more I search, I know God will lead our baby to us. It is jus a matter of time!
I know that pregnant women obsess over having a baby so why can't we as well. I know that when we had our biological son, I did everything based around my pregnancy. I believe that an adoption deserves the same amount of attention. ( at least that is what I compromise with the insanity in my head lol)
Just curious if the rest of you have carpal tunnel syndrome in your wrists and you need glasses now from straining to see your computer screens!

[HappyMom29]

You are NOT alone!! I understand... (although I'm not sure my dj does...) lol.

We were matched a couple wks ago and we've got a 3 mth wait for our little one to be born. I too lived my life around my preg with our first child. We had to climb such mountains just to get preg that I HAD to immerse myself in it --esp since I could never really know if I'd ever experience preg again (I can't a---hence our adoption journey).

Now, I find my self, thinking, dreaming, planning , hoping... whatever it takes. Even though we have such positive feelings about the outcome of this adoption to be, in my heart of hearts, I try to remember that this could be taken away from us at any moment. DH is the more "realistic" one of the 2 of us---(but frankly, I think if he were honest with himself--he is just as hopeful that this adoption will be successful). Guess it's a defense mechinisim---he doesn't want to be hurt . Neither do I !!! But at least if I think about the baby coming home to us --walk thru the baby stuff stores etc.. I feel like this dream of ours IS real, and WILL become a reality.

Everyone deals with situations differently. Don't listen to anyone else. Do what makes you comfortable. Now if it gets in the way of your normal everyday functioning --another story.

I believe in your theory --that hard work and persistennce WILL pay off!

[angelical]

I have to admit that I am not quite as obsessive about the adoption process as I was the pregnancy .... yet. (LOL) But I do find myself checking these boards several times throughout the day, looking at the same kids on the photolistings, and thinking of what it will be like to have a sister for our bio son!

(I had preeclampsia and Aaron was delivered 3 months early, so we aren't going the bio route again)

We haven't started talking to an agency yet. My husband just got a new job, and he feels like he needs to see what his first full paycheck is with this job before we really embark on this journey. It is funny, though, he is MUCH more interested/excited about adoption than he was the pregnancy.

We are hoping to adopt a little girl, between the ages of about 1 year up to 5 years old.

Good luck to you all!
Sharel

[wannabeamommy]

I think it is perfectly natural for adoptive mothers to obsess. When you are struggling with infertility or when adopting it seems as if everyone arond you gets pregnant. All of my friends and family who are pregnant are on the computer all of the time to see and read about what they should be doing and what the baby is developing this week/month etc. When you are an expectant mom you should be excited and obsessed about the coming addition to your family... and adopting mothers ARE expectant mothers! So go ahead and you be as excited as you want to be, you deserve it.

GOOD LUCK!

[supertrev]

Hi! Yes , I obcess as well. Its mostly while I am at work that I think about it. I am going to quit thank goodness in the fall. We don't have any kids yet so I have spent the last 2 yrs obcessing on this. We just got approved 3 wks ago and were presented with a situation already but, it didn't work out. So hear I wait again. We actually went to a support group meeting last night for waiting families. It kinda didn't make me feel any better. Most people are a lot older than us. Some people get there babies quickly and some don't. It depends on how picky they are. I am hoping since we are pretty open it won't be 2 long. Who know though. I really need to mellow out. Its kinda ruining my life. I just want to get my old self back! So how long have you been waiting? What state are you in? I would love to hear your story.

[den]

no like breast things here- but only some real words for you all. if you have adopted a child-cool. if you just let from you a baby be adopted and as such raised by a stranger-still cool - what all are forgeting is the baby is JESUS baby and he has picked whom to bare it and also whom to raise it. all of you stop thinking you are more than workers-barer or raisers but always as we all--HIS CHILDREN

[Sidswife]

Ok, I am not sure what that last post was all about???

Look, I know God is in control of all of the situations in my life, and I know that he already has a plan worked out for our family. Still, it does not stop that I live, think, and breathe my future bundle of joy being in my arms. That is all I am going to even say about that post.

Still searching and PRAYING that our baby reaches us very soon.

[rebeccasusan]

i totally agree about the obsession, and the seemimgly endless wait. Since we started ttc 4 years ago, then turned to adoption a year ago, i feel that the "quest to be a parent" is all consuming. because we have been trying to save every penny, there has not been a lot of fun or relaxation going on, and it seems like our whole life has been on hold...lets not move until we have the baby...lets not change jobs until we have the baby...Then we had a "failed" adoption, and it started to seem like no baby was ever meant to be in our family... the thing is, when youve put your life on hold so long, it doesnt seem like you have a life left anymore. So This year, we just decided to go with it...my husband switched jobs, he's going back to school, we sold our house and bought a new one... We are matched again...the little baby is due in 3 weeks! Everyone out there, PLEASE send positive thoughts that this is finally our baby.

Good luck to all of you!

[supertrev]

Hi! First and foremost that message from "den". What was that about? Secondly, I am sooo glad you and your hubby got on with things! I soooo know how you feel! Saving money,putting things on hold,waiting,waiting,waiting. I did 2yrs of IF and don't really know if I am done but, always wanted to adopt so we moved forward with that. We just got approved a month ago and got considered the first day. The b-mom wanted us but,her parents were VERY involved and picked the couple they wanted. I know that wasn't meant to be and that our baby is out there! However, at first I kept waiting for the phone to ring again. Now I am back to normal and figure that it's best for my brain just to have a great summer and pretend that I am just a regular person going about life! I really haven't felt normal in a long time! Sometimes I get glimmers of my old self. That feels so good! So my latest plan is to go on vacation in about 2 weeks to mexico and have some fun! My prayers will be with you for a successful adoption! Please let us know if everything goes smoothly and most important don't EVER give up! We will have our families!! God Bless!!

[Sidswife]

SuperTrev,

How in the world have you let your brain get back to normal?? I want your secret potion!!

We have had one falied placement, just two weeks ago. Then we were matched again right away and she is having so much family pressure to NOT place the baby. So, I know that this one is going to fall through as well. We just keep the faith that this is all God's plan to make us stronger and to bring us our baby. We have decided to try concieving again. Just give it all a fair shake and see what is thrown our way next. We have been thrown enough curve balls so far... I think that we can handle just about anything at this point!

I know there's a plan out there for us.. there is hopefully a baby out there for us too.. but.. if I wasn't obsessing and doing everything possible to make it work, it wouldn't happen! That old saying "God helps those who help themselves" rings true! You can't sit back and say "oh, if it was meant to be, God would give me a baby" nope, sorry.. doesn't work that way. As with everything, I have to work for it, work towards it.

I'd also like the secret potion or formula to live a "normal" life right now! I am sure my hubbin would appreciate it too and we're just starting!

[supertrev]

Hi Cyn, Sorry there is no secret potion.! I have my good days and bad days! I saw on your profile that you are in CA. I am in southern,ca. How about you? My hubby would like his life back to "normal" as well! We haven't had that in couple of years! We are at the beginning of our adoption journey as well. We have only been approved with our profiles out there for 1 month. I agree that id I wasn't a obcessive freak that I wouldn't be able to get thru this! It takes a lot of determination. I am not giving up until I have a family! My faith is what gets me thru! We are still ttc as well. I am starting acupunture this week! I know God has a plan for me and that is what keeps me going! Right now I am just trying to look forward to vacation and summer! I have decided that it is better for my brain to try and forget our books are out there! The first day we were presented to a b-mom and her parents. The b-mom wanted us but her parents were VERY involved and they picked the older couple that already had a child. I know it wasn't meant to be. After that I was just begging the phone to ring with another situation but, it hasn't so I was obcessed on that for about 2wks. I feel ok again though. So, I haven't been thinking about it as much. I just try to take it one day at a time and pray a lot!!!

[trunks888]

to tell the truth
your post made me feel better,

I have a few years to wait untill I can even start any of it.
yet alot of my free time has been spent reading on the laws
askign questions and all kinda stuff finding out every bit I can on adoption.

And I think about it and pray about it to.
So you are not alone
and I guess nether am i.

Supertrev, sent you a PM, hope you don't mind!

[Eleni]

It was really nice to read about this subject. I thought I was the only one who had a one track mind. It is so hard to go about daily life when all you are doing is waiting and waiting for someone to pick you. The thing that makes it harder is that our agency choses a couple of profiles to show each birthmom. (They don't want to overwelm them with choices.?) So, I don't even know if our profile is getting shown. Do people like the profile letter? Do they like the pictures? Should we just re-do the whole thing? . . . So many questions. It drives me crazy. I told my husband that we should try another agency so that way I would know we are getting our letter shown to the birthmoms and so that I can get some feedback. I'm okay with no getting chosen, if I knew that our letter was actually being presented. My husband tells me that I need patience. I think that everyone thinks I'm a bit obsessed. Maybe. But, not knowing anything is very hard for me to handle. Using the computer to research available situations and read the different forums seems to give me a little sense of control and direction. It also makes the time go by.
So, good luck to everyone out there playing the waiting game. I wish there was an easier way.