[angelical]

My husband and I are just beginning the process of adoption... we haven't even talked to an agency yet. We are planning to do that in early June.

In the meantime, I have been reading these forums and searching through the online photolistings, to get an idea of what children are out there, available.

We are definitely going to be flexible with our criteria, but I am curious what the chances are of finding "what we want". (no good way to say that, is there?)

Here's our "best case scenario":

- - Adoption through a state agency; we are middle-class/income, so we don't have the money for a private or international adoption, without causing MAJOR changes to our life.

- - I want a girl. (I already have one bio son - - one year old)

- - We prefer a child who is a toddler/preschooler, from about 9 months up to about five years old. "Best case" would be 2 years old.

- - We are white, so while we will be open to other backgrounds, caucasian would fit the best.

- - We both work fulltime (although we "split shift"; I work day, he works night), so we really don't have the TIME for severe "special" medical concerns.

Gosh, I hate writing this out... it seems so limiting (shudder) I'm kinda worried though...it seems like all that is out there is babies, international adoptions, and preteens....

So, what do you all think are our chances...timeframe, etc.?

THANKS!
Sharel

[DianeS]

Well, my husband and I are adopting from the state as well, so I'll tell you what our agency told us.

In a nutshell, the fastest way to be able to adopt a child under the age of 8 is to do foster-adopt. The VAST majority (like 85%) of healthy young children who are adopted from the state are adopted by their foster parents. The remaining 15% each have hundreds of homestudies submitted for them, from which the best-matching family is chosen.

My husband and I are attempting to adopt a sibling group of 3 between the ages of 2 and 8, either Caucasian or Hispanic. We will first try to be adopt-only, since there are fewer people willing to take on 3 kids at once. But even we have come to the conclusion that we are likely to have to foster-adopt to do this.

Also a word about how most photolistings work:

When a child becomes available for adoption (no family members acceptable for the child to live with), the child is usually first offered to the current foster family.
If that family declines to adopt the child, other families in the area (registered with that agency or in the town or some other local boundary) will be permitted to apply (this usually happens with a photolisting book kept by the agency).
If none do, or none are acceptable, then the child is moved to a state-wide database and residents of the state may apply--this is when the child usually shows up on the state internet photolisting.
If none do ... the process is repeated on a regional scale (an association of states w/ a regional photolisting).
If none do ... the process is repeated nationally, with a national photolisting like USkids.

So as you can see, by the time the child is on a photolisting that you can see, the child has been turned down by many people. To get that far, the child usually needs special treatments/therapy(either medically, mentally, or behaviorally), is older, and/or is of a minority racial group. Which is why you're seeing the children that you are.

Also to consider is the fact that children can only be removed by social services if someone has seen the child to report the abuse/neglect that is happening. Which usually means children are either taken into custody at birth, or after they have begun to attend school. Children between these ages can be "hidden" all too easily. Mom just stays home and doesn't take the child anywhere it can be seen. Therefore few children between these ages are removed into state care.

Now, all that is just background. The straight adoption of healthy young children does happen. It's just rare, and the people who want to do it are often left waiting for a long time--sometimes years. It's discouraging to read, though, isn't it?

I'd advise you to go ahead and talk to an agency soon. If you want to dive into the process in June, that's fine, but most agencies will be able to provide you with information like what I've said, about the children they serve. Getting that info now would allow you several weeks to read it and digest it and come to terms with it, before your self-imposed goal of starting in June.

Good luck!

(And yes, there is a good way of saying "what we want is..."--say "the type of child we could best parent is...".)

[angelical]

thank you thank you thank you!!!

I never thought about the journey that a kid would take from initally put up for adoption to actually hitting the photolisting sites. Sheesh! That does make sense, doesn't it?

We are going to wait until June ... my husband is being just as excited about this prospect as I am ... in fact, more so than when we were getting pregnant with our son. It will make him feel better to wait until he gets his first paycheck from his new job before we embark on this at all, so I am willing to give him the next two weeks before starting full-force.

Plus this is a good time to get little worries/questions out of the way, like this one.

Oh, we are open to much more than my "best case scenario" that I'm asking about ... I am just curious about the likelihood of that particular set of circumstances.

Thanks again for the reply!

Sharel

[Dianna]

DianeS, that was an excellent reply.

We were able to adopt 3 times through the state; 2 1/2 year old boy, 4 and 5 year old girls, 11 month old boy. We went through a private non-profit agency who contracted with the state, serving 5 counties. None of these children ever made it to a national listing. They were at the state exchanges where various agencies sent workers representing their families to meet with social workers representing kids. We did fost/adopt and all our kids made TPR and were adopted by us. The last adoption, I saw the baby in a book at our old agency and contacted the county myself. I got a homestudy from a private agency and foster license from the county. Miraculously it worked. Good Luck.

[trunks888]

When the time comes I to want to adopt a child
with the basic things you are wanting,
via state adoption.

So I'm here to talk with you about if you want,
For i'm researching all this to.
So feel free to contact me at trunks888@computermail.net
Thanks
bye

[angelical]

Originally posted by Dianna
DianeS, that was an excellent reply.

We were able to adopt 3 times through the state; 2 1/2 year old boy, 4 and 5 year old girls, 11 month old boy.

Golly, it is good to know that that is a possbility! It is so easy to lose hope!

Sharel