Janice was born with Cerebral Palsy, which affects her left side. We have been trying to adopt older children here in Va for over 2 1/2 yrs, we get info (and have met children) from NC & WV, but nothing at all from Va. Our 1st sw decided that since she couldn't use Janice's disablity as grounds to disquality us, she decided thayt I just had to be (or would become) abusive simply because I grew up in an abusive home. This was after our home study was approved! Never mind the fact that I was a state employee at a state prison, I was guilty because a sw couldn't legally use Janice's handicap to keep us from adopting.

We would really like to hear from other handicapped parents who have adopted or tried to adopt children.

Thank everyone for their time!!!

homer_whetzel@hotmail.com

[sak9645]

I adopted my daughter from China. In our travel group was a lovely married couple. The wife had gone through bilateral hip replacements. She walks with a crutch. The couple had no difficulty passing a homestudy and getting INS approval. The couple adopted through an agency known to be strict in its requirements for families. And China -- a country which does not have a lot of services for people with disabilities and which sometimes feels that such people will have difficulty taking care of themselves and their families -- awarded the family a son. You should understand that 95% of the children available in China are girls; when there is a boy available, China often seems to seek out an exceptionally meritorious family.

Another couple I have met, who adopted from China, includes a Dad who is legally blind. Again, the family had no difficulty getting homestudy, INS, and agency approval, and was awarded a lovely child.

I think your problem is with a specific social worker or agency. Nowadays, most social workers know that many people function very well with disabilities, and will look at the person's track record of coping with jobs, home life, and so on. I would suggest that you try another social worker or agency, or look to another type of adoption.

Also, be aware that some agencies DO have concerns about people who come from abusive homes. Such people often have to demonstrate that they have received counseling, and that a therapist is confident they can parent effectively, because research has shown that people who have been abused are more likely to become abusers. If you have received any sort of counseling, and if you have demonstrated an ability to have a happy home and work life, with no adverse reactions to stress, you probably won't be disqualified.

Sharon

Yes, Janice and I know full well how state agencies think & act! No, I never recieved counseling, however, as a NCO I counselled many soldiers on emotional problems, work habits, drug & alcohol abuse, date rape, etc. Janice & I have been married for nearly 22 yrs now, we raised our niece from the time she was 11 until she was 20. She had many emotional & behavioral problems, yet we never gave up trying to help her.

Are you saying that just because Dave Thomas grew up in a less than perfect adoptive home he should of never been the founder of Wendy's??? Yes, in prison there are many people who grew up in foster homes or broken homes without good parents - YET, there are a number of people in prison who had everything handed to them on a silver tray. Life is what we make of it, no matter how good or bad things are around us. Are you saying that I have to receive counselling or else?

We are now on our 3rd home study in 2 1/2 yrs, we have met children in other states. Yes I realize some people want babies and will go to other countries to get them, BUT, what about all the older children here in this country??? Everyone takes their hope away from them, no one wants them, and everyone acts like it's these kids fault they are in these foster homes!!! Yet, it's okay to put these children out on the streets when they turn 18. What do you expect these kids to do? How many of you would offer these young people a job and/or a place to stay???

YET, the Va DSS won't even give us any information about children here in our own state, they even mess up our chances to adopt children from other states. Yet, what would any of you people do to change how the state treats these children and the people willing to give these children their home as if they were their own children???

[sak9645]

...who have been abused commit abuse. However, there is evidence that the incidence of abusive behavior is higher in people who have been abused than in pepple who have not been abused.

As a result, many -- though undoubtedly not all -- social workers will require evidence that a person has been through counseling before approving a homestudy. The fact that you have been married a long time, that you have successfully raised a child, and that you have worked with people having emotional and other issues all will work in your favor.

My point in discussing international adoption was that even this type of adoption, in which a person must satisfy not just a homestudy worker but also the INS and the foreign government, has seen many successful adoptions by persons with disabilities. Adoption by people with disabilities is no longer considered "odd" or undesirable. So it would seem as if your problem is related to a specific individual or state agency.

Unfortunately, I do know of many people who have had negative experiences in trying to adopt from the foster care system. They have turned to overseas adoption, even of older children, because they have been frustrated with other routes to adoption. The system doesn't work well, and even when a family is willing to take an older child, a child with medical issues, or a non-White child, barriers may be put in the way.

Sharon

[Sharon]

Homer, my sister has Cerebral Palsy and she is one of the most competent people I know. She finished college and has gone much farther in life than anyone else in our family. She has no children yet, but when she does I have no doubt she will make an excellent mother. I would hate to think that Cerebral Palsy would disqualify anyone from adopting or from doing anything else they wanted to do in life. My thoughts are with you, and I hope things work out. As for the "You were abused, so you're more likely to become an abuser" theory, that's just silly as far as I'm concerned. Best of luck to you both. Sincerely, Sharon

[lisa in venice]

Homer,
you need to take your homestudy (if they release it) to a private agency licesed to place waiting children. DSS actually has a list of every agency in the state and if you call them you can find out if they are contracted to place those children.

Often you have to pay fee upfront but those are all refunded at placement. YOu don't need these people there are plenty of reputable and reasonable agencies who are literally beating the bushes for families like yours. It is past time to move on.

lisa

[Mary Schilling]

I am an adult with cerbral palsy. I walk with a cane and use an electric scooter for long distances. We have had a home study and been foster parents in our state for three years. We have not had the experience that you have. I also had an abusive step-father. I know from working with the state system that they are very particular. My husband and I have sought out training classes in areas where we thought that we had weaknesses. I would also work with another social worker. If you are working through your state department of social services I would go to the supervisor. As long as you have an approved home study they cannot discriminate against you. You could also talk to a senator or representative. You must be aware that if you take your issue outside the agency you will not be popular. I have done it and you have to weigh out the consequences.

I would also suggest going to a supervisor, some type of administrator, within the agency you have applied with. This could be construed as discrimination, even if they are using the excuse of coming from an abusive home as a means to delay or stop you from adopting!

I come from an abusive home as well. If anything, I am much more careful with my children because I don't want them to grow up in fear, as I did. People can come from all types of backgrounds and either be abusive or not. I don't like being typecast and don't stand for it. Anyone can take a look inside of my household and see that my parents were where the vicious cycle ended. My kids are healthy, well-adjusted individuals who have never and will never know what it is like to fear a parental figure in their lives. Abuse doesn't turn you into an abuser, your social worker should have taken the time to learn more about you, rather than buttonholing you without cause. If that's what has happened, you really should talk with someone else, or move on to another agency.

I wish you luck, Homer. I hope that you and Janice can get past this sw's obvious prejudice and that your child or children will find their way to you.

Thank each of you for your replies, it helps to know we aren't out here alone. We do have a copy of the last 2 approved home studies, tho Va DSS would never allow us to see the 1st approved home study our 1st sw decided to withdraw and rewrite. Oddly enough, her name is still on all our approved h.s. alone with our 2nd sw's name. I talked with our sw last week and asked why they never informed us that we could of filed a complaint - was told that we had nuthing to complain about, the only thing that happened was that our ability to request info on available children was delayed for over 6 months. No big deal to our sw. Two different times we informed her we was interested in children in NC, after hearing nuthing for over a month from either NC social worker, we called them and found out our sw never informed them we were interested in these children! A few months ago a sw from WV called us at our house after leaving 3 different messages with our sw about 2 girls in WV (one had CP). Even tho this sw already had 8 home studies on her desk, she still wanted ours. I called our sw right after the WV sw hung up and our sw had told me that she already knew about WV wanting our home study. I called WV back 2 hrs later to ascertain that she got our h.s. and she told me that she had to call our sw again and that our home study was just coming over the fax machine. Janice and I have taken many on-line courses thru www.fosterparent.com as I work swing shift at a state prison and it's impossible for me to go 40 to 60 miles away for classes in the evenings. Our county has less than 20,000 people and yet you would think our sw is too busy to deal with anything concerning adoption. www.thelookingglass.org informed us that since Janice is disabled, she could request a social worker who is ADA trained. That would suit us fine as we wanted to go thru Charlottesville or Lynchburg right when we encountered all the trouble with our 1st sw (who worked in a county south of us). That county recruited foster parents in 7 counties.

We know our sw would be tickled pink if we would just give up. If we have alota emotional & behavioral problems with our child, do you think we would give up on them??? We had plenty of experience raising Janice's niece, but we never gave up trying to help her achieve her best.

Again, thank all of you for your support! May God's blessing be with each of you!!!

[trunks888]

Hi,
I think I will be able to relate to your set up abit.
I have spinia bifida.
I havnt started the adoption procces yet due to I'm not of legal again the state of IL as of yet.

But I only got around two years untill i am
So I been doing the studdying.

And I felt alot better when I found that
there's laws that protect us handicapped people
in adoption things.

If you want more info on that to help out let me know
I can get you a few links.

As for the other stuff I cant say much on it.
But I will keep you in my prayers.

Thanks.
take care and may God bless.