[Clark414]

My partner and I have had a rough day today - the birth mother we were working with abruptly backed out. No explanation - just a terse "this isn't working for me anymore." As the ever-sensitive adoptive parent, all I could do was be kind and supportive and accept her decision. Knowing that this kind of thing happens even with successful adoptions, I was so careful of expressing any disappointment, anger or frustration for fear of alienating her. But, my heart tells me that she's serious, that her drug use has influenced her decision-making and that she could very possibly have been using us for money to buy drugs.

Where is the forum where I can express my rage? My partner and I have had complete medical physicals and endured home studies and questions from well-meaning social workers about our parenting approaches. We've spent thousands of dollars on attorneys and adoption agencies to show that we - a successful attorney and a certified social worker - are qualified parents for a newborn.

In the meantime, a birth mother with 4 kids by four different fathers (one in child protective services) and a daily methamphetamine drug addiction doesn't have to prove her fitness as a parent to anyone.

I know the realities of adoption in the United States and I've signed on to the process because I want nothing more than to be a loving and devoted parent. But, on days like these, I can't help but feel cheated and angry about the basic unfairness of it all.

I'm sure we will get back on the adoption trail in a few days. Today just sucks.

[SHERRITA]

KEEP PRAYING AND BELIEVEING IN GOD ALL THINGS TURN OUT FOR THE GOOD. I HATE TO HEAR ALL THE THINGS YOU'VE GONE THROUGH BUT BE ENCOURGED YOU'LL FIND GREAT SUPPORT HERE. LET ALL YOUR ANGER OUT EVEN WRITE IT OUT ON PAPER HOW YOUR FEELING. IT'S BETTER TO GET IT OUT THAN KEEPING IT IN. BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. I'LL BE PRAYING FOR YOU ALSO.

[Papamba]

My husband and I were talking to a pot. bmom for six weeks and the day we were planning to leave to meet her (in a different state) our SW told me she (the SW) was not feeling too good about this situation and confronted the girl who in turn agreed she wasn't sure about adoption- which is her choice. I am so glad it happened before the baby's birth. My DH feels very much like you...We are "raked over the coals" in order to become parents and an 18 yr. old girl can have a baby, live in a car and scrounge for food but she gave birth. No questions asked! However, this is our second adoption and I know we will adopt again. I also strongly believe that God will give us the child we were ment to have. Hang in there...your baby will come.

[Support2Adopt]

{{{Clark}}}
So sorry this happened to you. Feel free to post your anger here. There's also a board for failed adoptions.
This may sound like a cliche, but none the less it's true. When the baby you're meant to adopt comes along, the adoption will happen and you will realize your dream of becoming a parent. While on your journey, hang out with us and let us be here for you when you need us.
JJ

[JAG]

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I too am having a hard day. We have been raising our fost-adopt daughter since birth (she's now 9 mo's old) and we are totally in love with her. Her Bmom has not been in the picture since Nov and all was going well until last week when the Bdad finally got his DNA test done and now says he wants her. He never even met her until last week. How much could he possibly want her??? Unfortunately in the county where we live, the judge is 99% pro-parent and we don't have much chance of keeping her if dad stays persistent. This is a special needs child requiring from two to four therapy/dr appt's weekly. If he can't even make it to a DNA test appt how can he possibly think he can give her what she needs? To make it worse, his attorney is trying to discredit my character to detract from his. It is being said that I am being an uncooperative fost-adopt parent. I have never even met this atty. This is not our first fost-adopt child. Our first one is now with his bparents with our blessing because in our hearts we knew it was the right thing for him and told the courts as much. He is now our god-son and the bmom named her 2nd child after me. I am hurt by the system and how they treat the people who truly love and take care of the special needs children discarded by the bparents. Needed to vent between the tears... I feel for you and hope it all works out. It is an emotional roller coaster that can be very painful.

[FamilyBound]

Clark, I am soooo sorry {{bighugs}}

[JessieBear]

i'm curious if it would be easier to adopt internationally? would you not avoid many of the legal problems you're having? also, i'm sure you've thought of this, but think how badly you want a child, then think of having that child and people pushing you to give it away? i'm an akid and frankly very thankful for my wonderful aparents, but at the same time, i really feel soo badly for my bmom and what she must have gone through. i can't imagine how horrible it would be to be pregnant and in a bad situation.
also, i would understand why you would want to adopt a newborn, but i'm sure you know that there are a ton of older kids who need loving homes.
best to you.