[hpoefull2003]

I just think i need a little understanding. We where choosen a few months ago by bmom and have a very open relationship with her. The baby was born early and is still in the hospital. birth mom was suppose to sign the termination of parental rights 2 days ago but say's she needs more time to think about it. I asked her if she is changing her mind and she said no just that she thought she should take a few more day's to think about this decision. I understand she needs to do this. But we have started to bond with the baby and now are afraid to bond anymore. and almost afraid not to if she does follow through with her decision. Could some one tell us if this is normal or just help us with what to do during our wait. We are still talking openly i believe.

Thanks,

hpoefull2003

[tincan]

Give her the time she needs. As a soon to be birthmother I know what shes going thru. She needs this time to think her decision through.

[MomTo1]

Hopeful2003
I would try to take it one day at a time. I know that is very hard when you are fearful that this child you are bonding with might not be yours. I, personally, would continue to bond with the child, even though that may mean the risk of not parenting the child. I don't believe withholding love will help anyone. Your feelings are already involved. You will hurt if she does not place. That can not be avoided. It is the risk we take when we enter adoption. Withdrawing might make the mother of the child feel like you are not that interested in the child.

I would also have to agree to give her all the time she needs. Once those papers are signed, there is no going back. While our journey and pain ends as becoming parents, her journey and pain as a birthmother will just be beginning.

Just my 2 cents....

[tincan]

I agree with the person who posted above me. If she doesnt place maybe she will stay in contact with you.

[hpoefull2003]

I am continuing to bond as I know the baby is also I can tell by the way she looks at me. I got some peace yesterday when I walked into the hospital and decided God had not put I through this for no reason even if she does not place with us, I know he had a reason to put I through this. Thanks for the encouragement

[tincan]

it wont do any harm to bond with the baby and talk with the birthmom. she may need a friend.

[MomTo1]

. I got some peace yesterday when I walked into the hospital and decided God had not put I through this for no reason even if she does not place with us, I know he had a reason to put I through this.

Hopeful....that is the way I feel when I went through all those years of infertility. It helps to remember the bigger picture. I am glad that you are finding peace in what has to be a very emotional time for you.

Please keep me posted....

[tincan]

It will work out for the best

[Support2Adopt]

hpoefull, it sounds like she is having some second thoughts, which is not necessarily a bad thing. She is making a lifelong decision here and may just need some time to be truly comfortable with the decision she is making. MomTo1, I so very much hope you don't mind me disagreeing with you on one thing. Once the papers are signed, it does not mean there is no going back. Depending on the state and the type of adoption it is, (agency or attorney adoption,) the Birthmother still has a certain amount of time in which she can change her mind and keep the baby. JJ

[MomTo1]

SupporttoAdopt....

You are right, I am sorry, I should have said once the adoption is final. Thank you for correcting me in the kind and respectful manner in which you did. I appreciate it!

[tincan]

she is making a huge decision that will affect her life and her childs life and her familys life. she just needs some time.

[Support2Adopt]

"Thank you for correcting me in the kind and respectful manner in which you did. I appreciate it!"

:-)
JJ

[hpoefull2003]

I do have to say that buy waiting it does put somewhat of a block on bonding. How much do I want the baby to bond to me and how much do I want to bond with the baby? hmmm. I have tried to leave that in God's hands but I am starting to feel like I am withholding my attachment and know one else is seeing the baby so I feel I need to be there. Just getting really confused.

Thanks for all the reply's

[numbr1dbcksfan]

You know...maybe it is as simple as she doesnt want to feel like she abandoned her baby while she is in the hospital.... she may want to make sure everything is alright first... Is she bonding with the baby?
If no one is there with the baby, then whether the mom signs or not, at least the baby has someone there in you! If she hasn't asked you to stop coming, or asked the agency to ask you, then she probably hasn't changed her mind.... at least yet!
Hang in there, everything will work out the way that it is supposed to...

[MomTo1]

Oh hopefull, I completely understand!!! When I saw that you posted I got excited because I was hoping you would announce that the birthmom signed.

Do you have any idea how much time you have to wait? How long will they keep the baby in the hospital?

This is so hard for you, I understand. That little baby has no one there either, what a shame!!! My heart goes out to you!!!! Please keep us posted!!!!