[ayj91]

In reading many of these bulletin board postings I find so many people in the same boat as my wife and I. We tried to get pregnant for over 5 years and we had a close call after our first try with infertility drugs but the failed attempt left us so mentally scared, especially my wife, that we decided to stop the drugs. My wife brought up the notion of adopting several times over the next few years but I wasn't going to hear it. For several months she softened me up with the idea of adopting and last July she signed us up to attend a county adoption workshop. I wasn't too excited about adoption at first but I agreed to attend the group study classes in order to obtain our foster care license.

I really started getting into it once the classes started. I was eager to participate in discussions, I was eager to do homework, I was excited about the interviews and home visits with our social worker. I was diligent in filling out all the paperwork and scheduling our fingerprints. I exceeded the 3-5 page biography homework by writing a 15 page (typed) biography detailing my life in hopes it would better our chances in getting a placement A.S.A.P. We recieved our foster care license in December, we met with our new adoption social worker in February and now comes the waiting.

I work at a college computing department as a support tech and everyone I assist praises my patience but I am now seeing that I am not that patient at all. My wife and I found out that our file was submitted to two matching meetings in February but for several reasons we were not chosen. About 2 weeks ago our social worker called asking if we would accept newborn twin girls (we are looking for a girl 0-4 years of age). I told my wife to call the social worker back and tell her that we will continue to discuss it but for now we would like to stick with one girl 0-4 years of age. She was very respectful of our decision and agreed to keep looking for what we specified.

Well, last Sunday while at church I prayed and asked God to let us hear from our social worker this week regarding a match. Two days later my wife was contacted by our social worker. My wife called me at work asking again if we would consider twins because our social worker is looking to place newborn twin girls within the next two weeks and she wants to send our file to the matching meeting. Seeing that I prayed for a phone call and we got it, I assumed that this was what God had in plan for us and I couldn't say no.

It has been a week since we agreed to accepting twins and the waiting to get the final word is killing my wife and I. The twins' social worker was in Arizona last week and the matching meeting isn't scheduled to happen until later this week or early next week.

I would love to hear from others who are waiting to be matched, those who are now placed with a child(ren) with similar stories or even those who can offer advice on how to handle this waiting. I would especially like to hear from parents who adopted twins.

[SomeBunniesMom]

Angel,
I got twins!!!!

I was reading through your story and kept getting more and more excited, then read that you turned down the twins and felt disappointed, then you are reconsidering and I am thinking that if you are matched how blessed and wonderful it will be for you!

We adopted our girls at 5 months old. I did miss all the newborn stuff, but still I had two very small babies that needed bottle feeding around the clock. It was hard, but with a little creativity, it was very manageable. The worst part was the lack of sleep in those early months, but that is what comes with the job of being a new parent. The hardest part was just transporting two little babies around by myself. But again, creativity ruled out. I also got some wonderful advice from other parents that have raised twins.

My girls are amazing! Raising twins is definitely different from raising a single child. I was thrilled to be given the opportunity to be their parent and the rewards are so numerous. I definitely recommend twins!

I had lots of reservations when we were assigned twins. Of course my first reaction was yes, we would love to have twins, but then I started thinking about how on earth am I going to manage two little babies. If you want to talk about any fears and reservations you may have i would be happy to answer any questions that i can for you.

[MkMw]

Angel -

I so agree with Robin - twins rock!

We adopted our sons as newborns - we brought them home from the hospital when they were 16 days old. We saw them everyday in the hospital from 6 days forward. They just turned 9 months old.

When we decided this was "it" for us we called friends who had twin girls, their Mom invited me for dinner and gave me a 2 hour "down and dirty" on how to survive with 2 babies - how to feed them at one time, how to burp them at one time (I never got proficient at that - but fortunately never needed too)... She gave me the "to buys" and the "don't bothers" - the only don't bother I didn't listen too was the cute outfits - but I should have - we all lived in our pj's until they were about 3 months old!

Adopting the boys was the best decision of our lives! We plan on adopting again, and would definately adopt twins a second time - but not for a year or so - we're having too much fun with these guys!

Feel free to ask me any questions as well! I love to talk twins!

michelle - mkmw825@aol.com

[Mary Ann Bednar]

I too understand the waiting. I began my homestudy and search for a sibling group over a year ago. My first two adoptions were newborns and the longest I had waited was six months, so when my caseworker said I should be matched quickly, I believed her. Even my girls were getting upset with the wait. However when God works , He does it quickly.
I finally had a match and was called on a Thursday afternoon to come tomorrow and pick up my boys--4yr old twins! Believe me they are nothing like newborns. The first month was unreal with temper tantrums and control issues. My girls thought the boys should instantly be happy, after all we wanted them. Thankfully things have settled down some and I've returned to work. I could only afford 2mon at home, but was lucky my supervisor was supportive.
We now have been together 2mon and our family is beginning to settle. My oldest girl is showing some school problems-she decided she didn't have to her homework. and the little one had some behavior problems at school which have now resolved.
The boys have settled into preschool and are doing well. Most of my family is very supportive and the one who isn't oh well.
Good luck with the girls, I hope you hear soon. My mother who birthed triplets said as infants they were easier cuz they entertained each other.

[HappyTwinsMom]

I'm praying that this match works out for you and your wife. We adopted twin girls at birth almost 2 years ago (wow, has the time flown by!). They were born 9 weeks early at just over 3 lbs each, spent 29 days in the NICU and came home with us on oxygen and apnea monitors and being fed thru a tube. But, praise God, they are the healthiest little girls you could ever hope to meet. They are exactly on track developmentally and have no lasting medical issues. God is indeed good!

One thing I can say for certain, if you adopt your twins....life will never, ever be the same. It will be so much fuller and happier than you could imagine.

Best wishes to you!

[FamilyBound]

Good luck to you! I also know the horrors of dealing with infertility and then venturing into adoption (LOL, I ended up writing a book about it!). I know of a few couples that have adopted twins from Russia, two of the sets biologically related as well!


Good luck to you!

[withopenarms]

Hi, I'm so glad to hear that twins rock My husband and I are wanting to adopt and and I have been getting really strong feelings on twins. I keep wondering it thats what we will end up with? Did any or all of you plan on twins or did you get matched with twins and then decide. I even had a dream with their names and at that point is when we started thinking maybe twins. I would love to hear anything any of you have to say . Thanks

[MkMw]

Well yes and no! I've always "imagined" myself as a mother to twins, but planned on having (or later adopting) my children one at a time.

We didn't think twice about putting twins or multiples as one of the special needs we were comfortable with our ability to handle...when we got the e-mail about the twins - I thought about it for about 5 minutes, then called all my friends who have twins (o.k. at that time only 3 people) and said - What do you really think - should we do this? The local friend said that she absolutely would, there are challenges to being a twin parent, but there are also so many joys. And that if we decided to this, to let her know and she'd give me a "crash course" in twin survival!

We plan on adopting again in another year or two, and there are days when I'd would happily adopt twins again, but there are also days when I really look forward to having only 1 baby at a time.....

Anyway -WithOpenArms - good luck - God will lead you and your child(ren's) birthmother together when the time is right!

Happy Easter!

michelle

[SomeBunniesMom]

We also didn't specifically request twins. We were looking to adopt two children, possibly siblings. The twins happened to be available when it was our time to be assigned. i feel so lucky and blessed!

I agree that there are some challenges to raising twins, but so far, nothing that has been unmanageable or anything that i have found too difficult. Just things that need to be done differently, and sometimes old thoughts on child raising need to be tossed for more practical solutions.

[withopenarms]

Hi, could all you twin parents inlighten me on on the differences besides the odvious. I'm so curious to know. I really want to see what I'm getting into. I have two children 3 and 6 . So I have had babies maybe I just need more knowledge on the touble trouble Thanks To All

[SomeBunniesMom]

Well, I never consider my twins to be "double trouble". I know that's a joke, and maybe some twins really are double trouble, but mine are very good girls! I always tell them so, I treat them like i expect them to be good and that is what they are! I'm just so proud of them!

What is different about raising twins in my opinion is that some things need to be done differently. there will be times when both babies will need you at the same time and you will not be able to meet both their needs simultanelously. You will have to make a decision about which child to tend to first, how long to give that child your attention, whether to let one cry, or employ the help of some other person to comfort the other child while you tend to the one with the greater immediate need. There is always worry about whether one baby is getting more attention, whether you are bonding with both babies,etc. It takes a while to establish a routine and pattern that works for everyone.

The thing that is different about twins, is that, for most babies their primary bond is with their mommies (or main caregiver, sometimes it's daddy or someone else), with twins their primary bond is usually with each other. That's a bit of a difficult concept for many people, it's also hard to explain and understand fully. Because they have each other, they can get by with less attention from their caregiver than a single baby would require -- I'm not talking about neglect, just that while you are worrying about whether you are bonding with each baby because one is getting maybe more attention than the other, they are really doing better than you would think because they are getting attention from each other. This is true even as small infants if they are allowed to spend time next to each other. it's especially true for my girls now as toddlers. They have a great friendship and play together well, share, collaborate, and do most things as a pair. They still want my attention, but I think they entertain themselves and each other longer than most single kids would at this age. Then there is also a sort of "magical" element to twins that I think other parents of twins would understand, but those without twin experience may not know what i mean.

There are many things that need to be done twice, which can be exhausting, but there are also some things that can be done simultaneously. It is very helpful to synchronize the twins' schedules so that they are eating and sleeping at the same time. This can be tricky and take a while to get right, but I think it is critical for everyone's happiness. When you change one diaper, you will more than likely be changing another within a few minutes -- I just started doing them both at the same time. When they were very small I gave them a bath one at a time, a process that took the most part of an hour before both were completed. Now i bathe them together, which takes half the time and is great fun for them. If you will be bottle feeding, the current school of thought is to not prop the bottles for babies, but with twins, sometimes you need to have a free hand or hands and propping is the only thing to do. You need to overcome the guilt that you will feel when you have to make decisions such as this. For every incident that you may feel you are not giving as much attention as you think you should there will be other times when you can make up for it with quality time -- remember they also depend on each other for attention, so a little less from you is going to be just fine.

There will be many little things along the way that you will end up having to do slightly different from the way you did it for a single baby. The best thing to do is have your mind open and be willing to accept that different doesn't mean wrong. There will be many people who have never raised twins who will have opinions about what your choices are, and you have to have the personal fortitude to ignore them and go with your own instincts.

I do recommend that you do a little reading on raising twins. there are some great resources available that can explain the more practical aspects that will help with the day-to-day stuff.

One of the biggest adjustments for me was all the attention the children get when I take them out in public. Everyone notices them and comments about them, and stops me to ask questions. It can be annoying when one is in a hurry to have so many people stop and ask the same questions that have been answered again and again. I try to allow extra time for any errand because of this and because it does take extra time to get the two kids in and out of the car and into a shopping cart or stroller, and most of the time they will have pulled off their shoes and the shoes need to be hunted down inside the car and put back on as well as the little socks sometimes......LOL

A good sense of humor is the most important thing!

[MkMw]

I agree wholeheartedly with Robin! I too have been blessed with "good babies" individually so the fact that there are 2 isn't as hard as I thought it would be. Synching their schedules is crucial - we were lucky, they were already on a good schedule at the hospital.

And my biggest "guilt" is that one gets more attention -I have a clingy twin and an independent twin - I always feel a little guilty at how much more Andrew gets held during the day....but James just isn't interested he wants down and to play. But at night, Andrew goes right to bed and sleep....and I get my alone time with James, he loves to be rocked to sleep - o.k. actually demands it! And, he is starting to get up 20 or 30 minutes earlier than Andrew now, so I get some extra time with him alone to play.

michelle

[withopenarms]

You both sound like such wonderful moms. I enjoyed reading all you wrote thanks a bunch