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  #16  
Old 09-13-2011, 05:35 AM
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kakuehl kakuehl is offline
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Hmm... Crick, I immediately thought of my daughter who joined ROTC because it got her a virtually free ride to college and her goal of becoming a nurse. (I reminded her of that every time she came back from Ft.Dix complaining about the weekend - inevitably they were on the obstacle course in the rain.) She served 4 years active duty and didn't re-up because she had a newborn and could have been deployed 3 months after the baby was born. So was she brave or not? Selfless or selfish?
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  #17  
Old 09-13-2011, 02:06 PM
caths1964 caths1964 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by usisarah
.
Personally, I think it's used in all sorts of ways. Some people, IMO, do use it solely as a tool for manipulation (I'm thinking of some of the adoption professionals I personally dealt with). Some people are using it exactly as you state above. Some people are just repeating what they've heard others say in similar situations because they just don't know what to say. Some people really do believe it's brave/selfless.

In the end, I agree with Hadley that it's best left out of the conversation all together.
I agree with usisarah, it is best left out of the conversation altogether.

I believe that many do "mean well" but it could come across as patronising to those who are on the receiving end.
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  #18  
Old 09-13-2011, 03:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caths1964
I agree with usisarah, it is best left out of the conversation altogether.

I believe that many do "mean well" but it could come across as patronising to those who are on the receiving end.

Personally? I'm more likely to let it slide when it's a person, that really could mean well.....and MUCH more likely to be suspicious when it's an agency throwing around the words brave and selfless.

But that might just be my jaded self after a few years of listening to stories about less than savory agencies....
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  #19  
Old 09-13-2011, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thanksgivingmom
Personally? I'm more likely to let it slide when it's a person, that really could mean well.....and MUCH more likely to be suspicious when it's an agency throwing around the words brave and selfless.

But that might just be my jaded self after a few years of listening to stories about less than savory agencies....
Sorry, I meant to say many people mean well, I wasn't referring to agencies. Personally, I think agencies should be banned from using words like that - it is coercive language whether intended or not.

I think people telling a person telling a person they are brave/selfless/courageous to make a particular decision BEFORE they have made a decision is not a good idea because even if the person saying it means well, it could affect the other person's decision-making.

When said AFTER the decision by an individual, it is more likely to be meant well. However, it is still not a good idea because you may have no idea how the person you are saying it to feels and they could feel patronised.

Hope that clears up what I meant.
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  #20  
Old 09-13-2011, 05:53 PM
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Hey Caths, I wasn't actually responding to anything you said really (though I can see how it might seem like I was!), but was more just chiming in with my thoughts on the topic.
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  #21  
Old 09-13-2011, 06:06 PM
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Originally Posted by thanksgivingmom
Hey Caths, I wasn't actually responding to anything you said really (though I can see how it might seem like I was!), but was more just chiming in with my thoughts on the topic.

That's OK. It is just that I am not great at expressing myself at times and I realised that when I said "many do mean well", people might have thought I was talking about agencies because I didn't make it clear. I just wanted to clear it up for other people as well.
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  #22  
Old 09-14-2011, 04:46 AM
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How about we just don't say anything to anybody? That would fix things...
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  #23  
Old 09-14-2011, 10:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hpfreak080
How about we just don't say anything to anybody? That would fix things...

I for one what to keep Crick employed ...and if we all just stopped talking then what? HOW would she afford her coffee???

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  #24  
Old 09-18-2011, 03:53 PM
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a young man was recently the recipient of the Medal of Honor. his actions saved 36 other men from nearly certain death. his actions nearly cost him his life. he was aware of the risk he said he did it because there were no other options at the time.

brave. also selfless.

here in our adoption related world, i've seen people decide that birthmoms are being selfish when they choose to parent.

wrong on so many levels.

i'm not the word-choice police, but i know that i'm as guilty as anyone of choosing high-powered words that may not be as appropriate as some of their lower octane cousins. i'm going to try to be more mindful.
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  #25  
Old 09-18-2011, 08:13 PM
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Quote:
a young man was recently the recipient of the Medal of Honor. his actions saved 36 other men from nearly certain death. his actions nearly cost him his life. he was aware of the risk he said he did it because there were no other options at the time.

Off topic, but, one of my cousins knows that guy really well. Played football with him in high-school and everything. He's from a super small town and I just think it's beyond awesome that someone so great came out of a place so small =).

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled thread.
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  #26  
Old 09-19-2011, 02:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hpfreak080
Off topic, but, one of my cousins knows that guy really well. Played football with him in high-school and everything. He's from a super small town and I just think it's beyond awesome that someone so great came out of a place so small =).

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled thread.

Wow, what an honor to know Cpl Meyer! I saw an interview in which he said he felt that he failed because the four members of his squad he was trying to save died, in spite of all the others he saved. I felt so bad for him, but at the same time so in awe of him and his courage.

Yay for disobeying orders and doing what is right when the situation requires it! Please ask your cousin to relay my thanks and my awe if the opportunity arises.

Back to the regularly scheduled thread.
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