[Mrs._K]

I have spent the last two months with a birth mother who has chosen my husband and myself to adopt her child. I have gone to appts, supported her etc. I have been lovingly careful but I am finding myself doubting this girl's sincerity. Is this normal?

I know if I do get to adopt this child that holding her in my arms will make it all better.

I have been fervently praying for strength. How does one cope with the constant doubt?

[KittyMay]

Mrs. K - I am an adoptee myself who was recently reunited with my bmom. I believe what you are going through is normal, my own bmom said the experience was surrealistic, like it wasn't really happening, but it did anyway. She was coerced by a doctor and it left lifelong scars, I think it would have been better had she met my parents and known what a beautiful gift she gave them. She said the worst thing was no one asked her about HER feelings. I'm sure the girl is having doubts (anyone would, wouldn't they?) but I think the best thing you can do is perhaps establish a relationship with her and be honest. Ask her how she feels about the whole thing, and tell her how you are feeling (very tactfully and non threatening of course). She may just need someone to bounce feelings off of. She probably is seeing you as just interested in her baby, and perhaps an interest in her feelings will ease the concerns she is having. I wish for you all the very best.

[Withay]

First, welcome to the forums.

I have never been in your situation as I am adopting through foster care. I can tell you that I have, on many occasions, doubted whether or not I would 'get' to adopt my son. Even after being named by the committee as the adoption resource there lingered that doubt for several months. I think that it won't go completely away until the adoption is finalized.

As to how I cope with the constant doubt. I give it all over to God. Like you, I pray...a lot.

Good luck on your journey.

[Mrs._K]

Thanks for your comments. It is and has been very important for me to have a relationship with the bmom. We have lunches together and talk about general things. We have also talked about her concerns. I never thought about sharing mine because I didn't want to appear concerned. I feared that being concerned would come across as untrusting.
We also agreed from the day we met to have an open adoption. As a matter of fact, I gave her the choice becuase I wanted to respect her feelings.

Btw, I am glad that you have reunited with your bmom. I wish you many happy years with her.