[blackride]

Hello All, I am new to these boards so let me start off with our situation.

My wife and I have a 3 yr old daughter and we would love to have another but both are a carrier of the CF gene so doing so puts the newborn at risk. We have accepted that we would not have another child through traditonal means due to this. Now I have brought up adoption to my wife and she has lots of worries such as:

Can I love this child the same as our 3 yr old? I understand her concern with this but I am asking myself the same question. I think you can love the child just as much.

I am not sure I can answer that for her and I was looking for any advice people can give me. If anyone has any useful links or advice it would be really appreciated.

Thanks!

[bajj]

You are right, you can't answer for her. She needs to do some soul searching and if she doesn't feel she can, then adoption may not be the best for you. There are some people who can not love an adopted child as much. It doesn't make them a lesser person, it's just true.

At the same time, I know a lot of people wonder that about their 2nd child,bio or otherwise. Is she maybe afraid loving another child will take away from your daughter?

I don't have any bio kids, but I do have both bio and adopted siblings. I have to say that I don't love either side any less. I am closer to my sisters (they were adopted) than my brothers, but I believe that is because we are all girls.

Good luck!

[blackride]

My wife LOVES kids and would have another one yesterday. She feels that she may not be able to love someone else's kid. I think she is really trying to understand that in her head now.

[mommy2fiveplus]

I think a lot of people question that until they are actually pooring care and attention into a child/infant that is responding back and giving them a smile when she/he sees your face. Bonds have to be built in all relationships, bio parents just have a 9 mos. lead with thier bio kids that they didn't have with the adopted ones.

Take it from a bio/foster/adoptive mom, I have learned that I can not help from falling in love with ALL of the kids that have come into my care.

Good Luck