[sahards]

I've been searching for my bmom since was 19 years old (almost 23 years old now). it's been a lot of dead ends without ever really having any leads in the first place.

i was privately adopted through a lawyer and the doctor that my bmom and amom happened to have shared. when i got pregnant last october i went to my moms doctor to find out if there was any information he might be able to give me about my bmoms medical history. He then told me that he'd check but after he went back into his records he found that he had since purged all files upto 1983. i was born in 1982, meaning my files on my birth have been distroyed.

now im in a situation where i know next to nothing about my bmom or any bfamily i may have. im starting to feel sad that im at such a huge dead end, yet im also starting to feel mad at the same time that she hasnt even tried to contact me. like i'm not a person at all, just simply a memory of a time she wants to forget.

i guess i just cant understand why she doesnt see this from my point of view. i dont want to meet her or my bfamily to have a relationship with them. i want to know my medical history, so that my daughter will know it.

im confused as well as to why it's not easier to find something out... i dont know why no one around me understands and i dont know why i feel like i cannot reach out to anyone close to me for help.

i feel so isolated sometimes.

stacy

[Montraviatommyg]

Stacy,

I know this wont make you feel any better but there could be a number of reasons why your bmum hasn't contacted/searched for you. My son was born in 1981 and I was told I would never be allowed to search for him when he turned 18. I didn't know how to go about searching anyway but there always be a chance he might search for me. My son started searching for me in 1999 which included finding my family but it is a long story why they didn't tell him where I was or tell me they had contact with him Last year my husband and I thought it would be fun to trace our family trees so joined a website. My son had already joined the same website and had entered my details so I emailed him without a second thought. It is something short of a miracle that we connected but over a year on we still have contact. However for quite some time my son thought I didn't want to know him and that my family were covering for me.

Try not to give up hope that you may find your bmum/bfamily to get the info you want.

Pip

[sammmax1]

I am only a researcher on the subject of birthmothers. Here goes: Your ** may be looking for you as well. There are not many ** that go on with their lives unaffected. Believe when I say this, I have yet to meet a ** that has not suffered, and has not had the fantasy to be reunited.