[NancyAshe]

20/20 Friday, April 30th (10PM Eastern) Barbara Walters follows the process of an open adoption placement. After the show airs, this thread will be open for discussion and comments.

Viewers on the east coast have an advantage over those of us out west since the program won't air here until 2 hours later - so if you're in the eastern, central, or mountain time zones, please bear with us. ;-)

I'm interested in hearing your reactions: positive? negative? why?

I know there was a lot of negative comment about the promo spots, but I'd like to ask that your posts here stay focused on the program itself.


Thanks!
Nancy Ashe
Editor

[riley6]

I liked the show. I think it showed OA in a positive light. I didn't get the impression that any of our concerns came to fruition. BW didn't ask anything that I hadn't been asked a million times by friends and family members wondering about OA. I think the show may help others, outside the adoption community to see that we're not the only family that OA works for.

My heart broke for the two yr old's bmom that left him at the agency. For Jessica too, but she seemed to have her parent's support and will have an OA. The 2 yr old's mom probably doesn't. The baby must be totally confused!

[needsleepmommy]

I was very biased against the show based on the promos. I was very happy with the end result. I thought the Brown couple was very honest with their uneasiness with the amount of contact the birthmother was seeking.

I really wish they had at least featured someone further along in the process. Our son is 14 and we have had open adoption for 13 years. I would love to have heard from an adoptee who has always known his birthfamily.

I hope 20/20 revisits this topic again with more depth to the reporting.

[NancyAshe]

Thanks for your post. It's so good to hear from someone with an open adoption who can give first-hand input into how the process was portrayed!

All best
Nancy

[nene1296]

I thought that BW did a great job also! I didn't see the first 9 minutes, but what I did see gave me a great sense of hope that others will understand why some of us aparents want an OA! The only thing I would have liked to have seen was how long the 5 families were looking to adopt, it seemed as if they got babies right away (3 months). Maybe that was something that was talked about in the first 9 minutes! Oh well!

I too felt for the 2 year old's bmom! I hope that the agency could help her get some support!

I hope to see more great shows on adoption!

[riley6]

The show didn't say how long they had been waiting to adopt.

[Volfe]

It was a good show on open adoption, a subject I wish more people knew about. It was a tad rough to watch because it brought up so many emotions. I watched at a friend's house and had to leave after the relinquishment.

I taped it and will watch it again.

[alliesbmom]

I was concerned about the ad, to be sure-- I had just 'come out' as a birth mom at work, when the subject of the ad came up. I was taking faith that 20/20, which is practically an institution in televised journalism, would treat the subject with the gentle respect that it deserves-- especially since BW is an a-mom.

I really liked how the families talked about OA and what they had to say about the merging of families and about how love grows when it's shared because that's the sort of experience I'm striving for in growing to know my b-daugther better since her parents located me and were ready to open the adoption up a bit. There's so many types of different families, and while I think that the show was advocating OA, I think underlying that it advocated much more that there are other options also that the b-family and a-family can work out, that works best for them.

I also liked that the tough questions were touched open-- about resemblence issues, genetic bond, relating to one another, and about the b-mom participating in all the 'fun' stuff. Each issue probably deserved it's own hour, but I was glad for what was shown and the way it was presented.

I only cried once-- when Jessica had to sign the papers because I remember being there and I also remembered how primal the loss can feel and how fortunate I am to have a link back to my b-daughter.

[NancyAshe]

Thank you so much for posting. When you feel more comfortable and watch it again, I'd love to hear more of your thoughts if you want to share them. The emotion was very strong and hard for many of us.

All best
Nancy

[NancyAshe]

Thank you for posting, and I'm glad to hear there's openness growing in your situation!

All best
Nancy

[paperchasingmom]

In the intro, it looked like 20/20 must have changed their promotions and "first opening comments/words" about the show they were about to air....

I'm glad they changed their opening to one of more sensitivity...

I liked it, surprisingly--I felt it was a truer representation of how I originally thought they would show families to be like, and what they go through during this time...they showed both biological families and hopeful afamilies realistically I felt...

I was still very saddened and cried for the woman who felt she had to relinquish her two year old....unfortunately, unbeknownst to the new amom that was picked to parent that two year old, the way they showed the new amom so happy right after showing the crying birthmother made it look "cold" when in fact, the new amom probably never knew the circumstances exactly....or they cut that part out, her knowing and her reactions to it....

I did find myself crying at several points throughout the show because I feel they did portray the realities of what everyone involved goes through ...I really liked that they gave the birthfamily some good air time....that really made me cry, for Jessica and her mother and stepfather...I really am amazed that they found the strength to go ahead with the adoption plan....THAT was heartbreaking....I don't think I could have, honestly speaking....either both as Jessica, the daughter, if it were me, or if I was the grandmother....those people have a gift of wisdom to see what they really wanted to do and felt they needed to do in the midst of their pain....I respect them tremendously for that...

Overall, I give them a thumbs up! Turned out much better than I thought based on their promo's everyone was speaking about....

I believe we all did make a difference by showing our objections to the way it was being marketed and thereby changing the overall "tone" of this very sensitive and life changing event!!!!

Yeah, I think some good was done! At least it wasn't bad like we thought would be....

Melody

[MyGrlnme]

I thought the show was very tastefully done. BW did a great job. I think the show was able to help educate people on open adoption and how important both sets of family are in OA.

A part I also thought was great was that one couple was honest and said they couldn't do this- that open adoption (or the form Jessica wanted) was not for them. This really showed there are honest papaents out there

My heart did break for the birthmom with the 2 year old child. I also hope the agency was able to get her some sort of support. What a great way to end the show with all couples becoming new parents at the end !

[paperchasingmom]

I too thought and was shocked to hear them say they couldn't do that--not that I was shocked that they couldn't do that, but that they were so open about saying they couldn't do that (and kinda didn't apologize for the way they felt either)...I thought, wow, and then I thought Yikes, I hope that doesn't offend anyone....I think someone else said it too...having a 16 year old telling you what to do, they felt...it's kinda like raising another child, BUT, IN THIS CASE, Jessica was extremely mature and answered questions without getting upset with the family or with Barbara...my nieces could have never been that eloquent. They're just not there yet in their lives, you know...my nieces still have a very young mentality...

And you know, I have to say that, that afamily Jessica chose, they were really so wonderful too...I mean, they even convinced me how great open adoption is or could be...they made some really, really great points about what an advantage it is for the child...and I always thought it "could" be very confusing for the child, but, I think what helped is that little Liam had a chance to bond with the afamily and then still feel the love of his biological family...How great is that!!!!!!!!!

Both sets of family's, Jessica's and the aparents, did an amazing job I felt--both sides did....they seem to be a perfect fit and I guess, that's how open adoption should be....I pray for them God's best!!!! It really looks like this child will be ever so loved!!!! and isn't that what it's all about!!!!

Hmmmm....I think I even learned a thing or two....Anybody else???

Blessings to everyone....

Melody

[Sophia333]

I, too, was impressed after watching the show, despite what I thought were inappropriate promos.

Our daughter is one month old and we are in a very open adoption situation w/both bparents. At times, I have felt scared (lots of fear) and worried about having such an open adoption but what I have decided is to take it one day at a time. God works in wondrous and mysterious ways!

This past week, I took our daughter to spend the afternoon w/her bfamily (she also has siblings) while I ran errands. That worked so well for me since I don't have anyone to help me out close by (my husband is working long hours). I was surprised by how well it worked out and how good I felt about it afterwards. The bfamily is truly our family now as well, esp the bmom. She and I are very, very close. We are truly blessed.

~Lisa
aMom to Sofia, born 4/3/04

[tinazimm]

I talked to my bdaughters father tonight and asked if she was going to watch it. She is 13 and we have an open adoption since birth. So I am just waiting to find out how she felt about it. I personally loved it and thought it brought alot of to both side of adoption. It was very well done. My adoption story http://www.picturetrail.com/tinazimm

Tina b mom to mollie 13 yrs open adoption