[rissagrl06]

I'm pretty new at this whole forum thing, but I'll give it a try. I'm adopted and I have all these feelings inside. I feel hurt, sad and alone and I dont know how to change the way I feel about them. I'm 16 and I can't talk to my parents about it. I want things to be the way they were before I had all these feelings but I cant seem to make them go away. Has anyone felt this way, or does anyone had any answers to what I can do to feel better about these things?

[bromanchik]

It sounds as if you need to talk to someone objective, like a counselor. Why do you feel you cannot talk to your parents about it? They really might surprise you. At the very least tell them a little about how you are feeling. Ask them if they will help you find a counselor you can talk to.

If they are not helpful there are still ways for you to find someone in your area. To find the right counselor for you, first ask for personal referrals. Do any of your friends go to one? Can you talk to the guidence counselor in your school to get a referal?

You may also find looking in the phone directory helpful. There are a number of places that offer teen-agers support. Once you have found the name of a counselor, interview them over the telephone. Ask if they have experience in adoption issues and, if they do not, what their feelings are regarding adoption. Find out what their credentials are to be a practicing therapist, and how much experience they have had in working with adopted people. Also ask them how they treat grieving clients (Believe it or not, many of the hurtles in adoption have to do with dealing with loss. Loss of your family by birth, loss in the ways that adoption makes you "different" from those born to their parents.)

If they sound like someone who you would like to see, make sure that they take your health insurance or ask what kind of financial arrangements can be made. Make sure that they can treat you confidentially as a minor.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes.

[rissagrl06]

I've been to a counselor but no one understands- which is why i was trying this. I just want to talk to someone who has been in my shoes and knows what it REALLY feels like to be adopted.

[windycitygrl]

I am sure that no one knows exactly how you feel, but I can tell you how it was for me. Ages 12-18 were horible. I felt like i didn't belong and was sad and lonely most of the time. I felt like i could never measure up to this person that my parents thought that i should be. I used to lock myself in my bathroom and just cry for hours.I can say that it did get better. When i started college, I realized that no one could make me happy. I needed to do that myself. So I did small things to take control of my life and the situations that i put myself in. I would still talk things our with a counsler if you have that option. Just be true to yourself, and remember that you are allowed to be sad or depressed just don't let it take over. Try to find positive things everyday that you can be happy about.

[MusicChick18]

I agreed with windycitygrl too. I feel the same way too sometimes..

[erinpatricia]

I am 26 and I felt a lot of what you're feeling at your age and I still feel some of it now...I have been in counseling for a long time...

I def recommend writing on here...everyone on here has helped me personally more than any of my therapists over the years...but I wouldn't rule out counseling it's all about finding a therapist that you feel comfortable with and whom you feel really listens and tries to understand where you're coming from...the therapist I have right now has def helped me a lot now that I have reunited w/ my bmom...

I had a hard time talking to my parents growing up...especially about adoption...but now that I'm older I wish that I would have been more open w/ them about my feelings and questions...I never gave them the chance to listen...and who knows talking to them may have helped...they have been very supportive about me searching and reuniting w/ my bmom...I am so grateful to have them in my life!

Finding out the circumstances of my adoption really helped me a lot too...Knowing that I wasn't given up b/c I was too fat, too ugly or too fussy has helped me to overcome a lot of my insecurities...

What can I say it's def hard to grow up an adoptee...and for evryone it is diff...but even people who aren't adopted have their own vices to deal with...you have to find out what helps you to feel better...if it's just getting things off your chest and getting the input of other adoptees/ triad members than this site is a great asset...keep writing!

Just know that you're not alone! That in and of itself has helped me to feel less depressed! I look forward to reading more about you!

~Erin

[vanii]

Hey rissagirl, I feel the same exact way as you do... everything around me feels so unreal. I'm confused about my own idenity and can't really relate to anyone else about my feelings. I'm 17 years old and i'm just looking for someone to exchange thoughts with.

[sammiesosa]

Originally posted by rissagrl06
I'm pretty new at this whole forum thing, but I'll give it a try. I'm adopted and I have all these feelings inside. I feel hurt, sad and alone and I dont know how to change the way I feel about them. I'm 16 and I can't talk to my parents about it. I want things to be the way they were before I had all these feelings but I cant seem to make them go away. Has anyone felt this way, or does anyone had any answers to what I can do to feel better about these things?

I feel the same way you do. I feel so hurt and sad and alone. All at once. No one I know understands they think they do but they don’t.

I don’t know what to say other then the fact you are not alone.

I wish I could go back to when I was in foster care. At least then I knew my place.

[BerniceLeigh]

Hi Rissa,
I know exactly how you feel. I am 33 years old and adopted. Durring my teen age years I started having feelings of hurt, not fitting in with my adopted family- feelings of being alone- and I always felt like an outsider. Well unfortunately, I have been to counceling and it never helped me. The councelors always felt I had head problems and that I needed to change. Well I am who I am, and forcing me to be something I am not, just made it worse. I still feel this way today. It has affected my life (not for the better). I have with drawn from large family functions and holidays are very depressing times. I don't know what to tell you except you are not alone. I do think that if you find a good councelor ( one who understands adopted feelings and emotions)that can help. Friends who understand are God Sents. That is where I get my best support. FRIENDS :-) Hang in there- Talking to people in this awsome forum is a big help too. You are not alone! It is normal to feel hurt, you are a human being with real emotions and feelings. Good Luck to you and if you ever feel down, just think of all of us here at this forum. You are not alone.

[peanutt]

Hey Rissagirl,
I'm a 22 year old adoptee and am feeling most of what you are feeling... and have felt it for most of my life... I don't like "counseling" but after many years, I am now in search of one.. I believe that this site can help you, as I have learned so much from here as well... You are definietly not alone... for a while, I thought I was.. I actually just recently have started talking with and meeting other adoptees, in my experience, they are the only ones who can really understand my feelings...