[ashdayjam]

I was married to a man for 9 years. During our marriage he adopted my now 14 year old daughter when she was 5. We just divorced in December and he has now decided that he wants to sign his rights away and allow her biological dad to adopt her back. Attorneys in my area want between $800-1000 dollars to do the paperwork. Is there anywhere to obtain the paperwork and do it my self. Any help is greatly appreciated and needed quick. Both fathers and my daughter are willing to do this.

[joymom]

This sounds like a difficult situation. But to tell you the truth I'd hesitate to do something this important myself. Why is it a hurry? I'm assuming your ex-husband is going to pay for this expense as he is the one backing out? If not, could you agree to split it 3 ways?

[ashdayjam]

I have been trying to find out why he is wanting to do this. Come to find out because she is in contact with her biological dad (her adopted dad is the one who encouraged this), he has decided he shouldn't pay support and share his time with her bio dad. He simply states that's what he wants. When I told him that the attorney's want between $800-1000 to do this he was like, well my attorney said it has to be the person who is doing the adopting to initiate the paperwork. Her real dad doesnt have that kind of money nor do I as I have had to apply for disability. I told him that if he wanted it he would have to pay for it. I also mentioned to my daughter that nothing else he could continue supporting her for the next 4 yrs and then when she turns 18 she can have her name changed to her real dad's. I too think that he is being very impulsive and unfair to my daughter. But he keeps throwing it in her face everytime she is with him and that's not fair to her. Thank you for your support and suggestions it is greatly appreciated.

[foreverbaby]

Wow! After parenting her for 9 yrs. and now, he`s like, oh, he can have her back?" That`s got to be hurtful for your daughter, I`m sure. Does he just not want to pay child support? That`s sad. I don`t know, how to have it done any cheaper, unless you went to your court house?

I would have to say,"sorry Charlie, but.. what`s done, is done."

[HappyMomAnna]

You know what--I would tell him if this is what he wants--HE CAN GET THE ATTORNEY AND DO IT HIMSELF. By the way, if this is all about child support---I bet he doesn't get what he wants--his attorney has more then likely advised him of this and he has been told that unless you cooperate then he is stuck--AS HE SHOULD BE.

He made a committment to your daughter and he does not just get to quit because he feels like it----personally I would do NOTHING to help this happen--I would expect the child support and file if is is late and I would tell him if he wants a change to find a way and change it himself--WHAT A DIRTY DOG!!!!!

This is a horrible way to teach a young girl about men!

[kiwimccrary]

Dear Ash,

My concern would be for my daughter. I wouldn't let her communicate with either of the fathers if they are going to talk about money with her. Certainly not the one that throws stuff in her face. I'd talk to him about it and try to get him to realize how your daughter is being hurt.

Shuffling children around is bad enough without hateful behavior by adults (supposedly!) Above all try to make things as peaceful for your daughter as you can.

I agree with joymom, and several others, what's the hurry and if ANYONE is in a hurry let them (him) start the proceedings and carry the costs. A POINT: If that "father" is supporting your daughter now--how many months of support would it take to pay the $1000. In other words, once he pays for the change he won't have that support to pay==so what's the cheapest way to pay, indefinate support payments or one time $1000?

However, consider if you are going to receive adequate support from her birth father before agreeing to anything. As someone pointed out once someone accepts responsiblilty for a child, thats it enless you agree. Do you want to? Just because he supports her does'nt mean he can say things that hurt her. If he does he can lose his rights to visit. Make sure he knows it! You don't have to accomodate either men, so what's best for your daughter. Aloha, Pat

[ashdayjam]

I want to say thank you to everyone that has helped and given me some insight to this situation. I have decided that I am not helping this situation in anyway other than to help my daughter with her emotional needs. I have explained this to both fathers. The biological father is very understanding about the situation, however, the adopted father is very upset. I told him that he needs to seek counseling and that I am not contributing financially in anyway. I have also explained this to my daughter and told her that it was HER choice as to whether or not she wanted to go with him on his day and weekends. She understands my position and stated that if her adopted dad wants to get rid of her he will find a way to pay for it to be done and that if her bio dad wants her back he too will find a way. I have also expressed my disgust to adoptive dad about how he continuely throws the situation up in her face and remind him that her bio dad is in her life because of him. I also let him know that he needs to discuss his money issue with her bio dad and they can figure it out, but to leave the kids out of it, and let me know when they have gotten themselves straightened out. Again I want to thank each and everyone of you. GOD Bless

[kiwimccrary]

Good job, Ash! Your daughter has smarts too. Pat

[Sledge]

Don't worry about anything, he took on being DAD and if he doesn't want to be, TO BAD. That is a part of being a parent, he wanted to be a parent when your daughter was 5, just because he is divorced from you does not give him the right to give up on his adaughter. That is not fair to her one bit. Make him pay the child support until she is out of college, why make it easy on him, he has decided he does not give a darn about your daughters feelings. Sorry this is poorly written but this hits a nerve with me because my ason's step dad did this to my now ason. Ason's sdad was his only dad from 6 months till 6 1/2 years old, his parents divorced, bmom lost rights to all three kids. SS took kids to sdads house (ason and sdads two bio kids asons half siblings), sdad told ss that he would only take his kids, he was not going to raise somebody elses kid. He broke our ason's heart (he said this in front of ason who only knew sdad as his only dad). I don't understand how somebody could raise a kid for so long then just brush them off like they were a total stranger. This is just my opionion, you should do what you feel is best for your daughter.