[ExDaughter]

My stepfather adopted me when I was 11, after he and my mother had been married 5 years (I've never had contact with my birth father and have no knowledge of him; don't believe he has any of me, either).

After a tumultuous 25 years, my parents are now getting a divorce, in which my father is behaving abominably - demanding all assets of the marriage plus spousal support, alleging abandonment and basically blaming everything on my mother - which is nothing new.

I have no feeling for this man except disgust and contempt. I agreed to the adoption 16 years ago in order to please people - not because I particularly wanted him to be my father. He was an alcoholic who verbally abused and physically threatened both my mother and me for years; when surgery resulted in permanent (he claims) disability, he wreaked financial ruin by insisting they stay in the expensive home they'd bought while he was working, despite the fact that my mother's income could barely support the mortgage and bills, even with his SS added in. He wouldn't even sell his $25,000+ truck, despite being legally blind in one eye and not fit to drive it (he caused at least one accident driving with no peripheral vision - luckily no one was badly hurt). In short, he wasted a lot of my mother's life and now seems determined to wreck the rest of it, too. I don't say this to my mother because I don't want to burden her with my own anger, but the only thing keeping this man alive is that I don't think he's worth going to prison for. If he would leave us alone and allow the marriage to be dissolved and the assets (what assets? my mother is unemployed now, living with me, and driving a 1981 Escort) to be divided, I could just dismiss him and go happily on with my own life, but the bastard won't go away.

The bottom line is, my blood boils when I think this jerk might someday be able to hurt my mother more through me - that he could make decisions about my medical treatment, or inherit any assets if I died, or have the right to interfere in my/our life in any way. Since I am unmarried with no children, if I were dead or incapacitated, my parents would have authority. I don't want this man to qualify. In my heart, he's never been much of a father - just someone I tolerated for my mom's sake. Now that he's (hopefully) going to be out of her life, I want him out of mine. Can you "divorce" a parent? Annullment, termination/dissolution - I don't know what the term would be. But changing my name back isn't enough.

[BrandyHagz]

Legally, there is no way to “cancel” an adoption, with out another adoption taking place. If there is a male role-model in your life, that you look at as a father figure, that consider asking him to adopt you, if your state allows Adult Adoption.

The only other option would be to legally protect yourself and your mother. Visit an attorney and have him draw up a living will, Will and Testament, and a Medical Power of Attorney, naming your mother as the only person with control.

Either way, I suggest contacting an attorney, and finding out what your options are in your state!

Good luck!

[lucyjoy]

I would imagine as an adult there would be a way to legally disolove ties with this man. I would check with an attorney. If the adoption itself couldn't be disolved(and I'd still bet it could)they could help draw up legal papers to make sure he could never have control over you or your assetts.

[jenniperg]

There's a process called emancipation. I'm not sure of the details - it may only apply to underage children, but you might want to look into it.

Also, it seems to me that if you are a legal adult, you can stipulate your wishes in a living will/will.

[ExDaughter]

I appreciate the responses. I'm definitely pursuing the living will angle already...it just worries me when I read about court cases where families/organizations or even doctors/hospitals are challenging those types of documents and getting around them. I though terminating the parental relationship would make any living will I had "safer" if he tried to challenge it. That, and I'm obviously furious and want it terminated for symbolic emotional reasons.

In the litigation age, I guess nothing is really that "failsafe." Oh well. A legally sound will and MPOA are definitely a big step in the right direction. Thanks again for the feedback.

[Meegan]

The best way to avoid the family ability to get around living wills is by speaking to a Trust/Estates/Wills attorney. Many states have statutory shares which require the will maker to give a small amount to whoever they want written out of the will so that the recipient can't get the intestate (i.e. died w/o a will) share. Lawyers do stuff like this fairly often, so it shouldn't be difficult to find one who can help you for an affordable fee. The law is different in every state so if you choose to use standard forms make sure they come from a state office so there isn't a problem in the future.

[Colorbind love]

A legal adult can annul an adoption, just as they can consent to an adoption that their legal parents might have refused while they were minors.

Talk to a lawyer. You can have your adoption annulled as long as you are a legal adult, which it sounds like you are.