[lucyjoy]

I rather liked the book. As for the rebirthing session, that was not a concept I agreed with. The child did have an undetected heart condition, but the therapists were negligent and the child died. That doesn't make the entire center bad. That therapy was developed by one of the therapists using it and was not common practice at the center.

[saramurphy]

Hi Lucy, it's my understanding that rebirthing therapy was the main offering at the Evergreen clinic; they made their money off the premise of RAD children and those who adopted with expectations of how grateful a newly adopted child "should" be. It wasn't an unusual therapy practiced by one therapist, or why would three have been holding down poor Candace as she cried out for her life and her amom watched from a window? I, too, enjoyed reading "High Risk: Children Without a Conscience" (also written by more than one practitioner at the clinic, not supporting your statement that this treatment was practiced by some lone wolf clinician at the clinic) but find that as a group these children are adopted and then blamed for not "adjusting" the way apars want them to be, or fast enough. My belief is that these children are suffering from TRAUMA, not RAD, and when symptoms appear the apars charge the child with genetic defectiveness. I cannot think of anything sadder for a child than to have unrecognized life trauma and then be blamed for it. In fact, I cannot think of it long; it is so unfair to a child and life-damaging, life-threatening, and in some cases, life-ending. It makes me ill to consider what the poor child goes through.

Sara

[lucyjoy]

Holding therapy is not the same as rebirthing. It is also regular practice during intensive attachment therapy to have more than one therapist present. Attachmnent therapy is emotionally painful so the kids do cry out as they release the rage, so the screaming is not uncommon. However, being able to see the child's face and allow them to look at you at all times is vitally important.
Also, it's not about the child feeling greatful. It's about the child letting go of the pain to be able to allow love into their hearts.

RAd is not genetic, It is caused by neglect and abuse during the first 3 years of life. When the child cried to be fed, held, or taken care of, their cries were not met or met with abuse. Because of this, the connections in the brain in the areas of trust do not form correctly. The interventions are suppose to help reconstruct those areas of the brain so the child can love, trust , and form a conscience. YOu are correct about the trauma.

The behaviors displayed by unattached children hit adopted parents who are unprepared for them with an overwhelming force. The parents do grieve the loss of a dream and often feel angry because the child never learns from their mistakes.
This is beyond normal behavior and often times the children are dangerous. I had a child bite the inside of his cheek because he wanted to know what flesh tasted like. He told a therapist he planned to hunt down and kill someone. I had another child set fires, save pee in bottles in his room, and attempt repeatedly to poisen me. No consequence ever mattered. I had a kid who would take towels out of the dryer dripping wet and swear they were dry. I had one child who would assault other children if left alone even for a second. I didn't expect them to be greatful. I wanted them to heal so they could be happy and enjoy life. This did require specialized therapy and a drastic change in the way I parented. I didn't then nor have I ever blamed my children for their pain. I did, however, hold them accountable for choices and allowed them to live with the consequences of their choices so they could learn cause and affect and develope a conscience. It was/.is hard. I did go to New York and fly therapists in from Utah as well as finding therapist and groups here who understood my childrens needs.

[saramurphy]

How many kids have you parented? How many are better now, since they are with you, and you have done intervention? Are all of them still with you, or did you have to send some on their way? Please answer these questions. It sounds like you have a lot of valuable experience to offer.

Sara

[lucyjoy]

Nine boys. Two are currantly living on their own. Seven are here.
MY child who bit his cheek is a well adjusted, happy teenager who hopes to be an international lawyer. The one who saved pee and poisened me spent 17 months in a residential placement. He returned home over a year ago and is healthy and happy. While he was away, his twin was able to deal with his truama as his brother abused and controlled him most of his life. He's also doing well. I have another 15 year old I adopted at 7 who was doing fairly well, but is now exhibiting signs of possible schizophrenia. He is still at home. I have a 13 year old with FAE and RAD. At 9 he couldn't even read and I was told he was to damaged to learn. Wrong. He still struggles with anger, but is doing well in a regular 6th grade class for the first time in his life. He also has begun making friends withoug manipulating. He was a sexual perpetrator on arrival. He doesn't seem to struggle with those feelings anymore. My 12 year old lost his adoptive family or five years as they were told to choose their daughter or their son. He still holds a lot of anger. My 7 year old is a happy little boy.

[saramurphy]

Sheesh! (tongue in cheek) I just wonder what you feed them for breakfast!

Sara

[LosTAzNGrrL]

I don't know what my problem is..I just never feel safe, ya know? I'm always stressed always have been all my life and I am an adoptee I'm 22 years old now and was brought into an American home which I have no regrets of. I'm Korean born there but not raised and I was raped when I was 20 I believe it was. And I just never really talked about it much never really had anyone to confide into. I just kinda never wanted to deal with it in a way. And then with the whole being adopted when I was younger and now I just want to find my parents and I just am so emotional and crying constantly I can't deal with anything and I don't know why. A part of me feels like something is wrong with my biological parents and everything makes me cry and no don't worry I'm not pregnant or anything I just feel so empty and alone most of the time with no one to really confide into about this. Mainly due to the fact I don't know many people who are adopted..so any help or suggestions would be grateful, thanks everyone!

[jude50_1]

I am a adoptee who was abuse when I was a child, from the age of 5 to age 15. When I found out that what was going on wasn't right I became very angry. I have been in 2 marriages and don't trust me very much. I've felt guilty that I did something to encourage what happened to me. I still can't look at a picture of my adopted dad without my skin crawling. I am now 53 yrs. old and still can't forgive him or forget. This is something I have lived with all these years. I tried to tell my mom but she wouldn't believe me so I wasn't as close to her anymore after that.

[tonyia]

hello my name is tonyia, i was diagnoised with the same thing at a very young age, i am only 18 right now. I dont understand my diagnosis.
tonyia

[Daydreamer1984]

I myself have post traumatic stress disorder but haven't really done research on it. I was abused as a very small child from the first family that adopted me (their parental rights for me were terminated after it was determined that they were in fact abusing me and my siblings). i was adopted again at the age of 5. the abuse started right after my adoption (i was an infant) and lasted until i was 3. my question is...is it possible for someone to recall the abuse that they endured at such a young age or is my mind playing tricks on me and making me remember things that didn't actually happen?

[Daydreamer1984]

I was raped myself when i was 18. i am now 21. i myself never really safe. my rapist was never convicted and never even went to trial for what he did to me. being raped is hard. i have learned not to let it control my life though. if you let it control every move and decision you make you will live in fear for the rest of your life. get some therapy. there are groups out there that specialize in rape. don't keep it in or will end up destroying your life.