[colin]

What are qualities of toxic people???

What do you mean by toxic people? Can you define or elaborate what you are thinking of when you say toxic people??

Are they people who are destructive to your esteem?? Or abusive??

Colin

[Rayma]

Colin,

"Toxic People" can be anyone who intefers with your healing in any negative form. They can take many forms. I even had to eliminate a relative from my life, because she claimed that I was lieing and that my illnesses don't exstist. She had my son convenced that nothing I said was true. I've also had to elimanate emotionaly abuseive people from my life. But I first had to lean what being emotionly abuseive was. As an adult I never alould anyone to get physicaly abuseive. I have also rid myself of verbaly abusive people.

Basicly anyone who heldme back or brought me down. And anyone who can't be trusted is either only told things that can't hurt you or eliminated.

I have finely let that relative back in my life because now that her bio brother has PTSD she now atmitts that it excists. But I can't memtion the fact that my amom and abrother's abuse is what caused it. In her eyes, her mom is almost perfect.

I hope I've answered you're question aditquitly. I saw a book once called "Toxic People" but I don't remember who wrote it of even if that was the whole tital.

Take care and God Bless You,
Rayma

[Ehines]

I have been floating around this site for a long time now and I am thrilled to finally find other folks like my self.....
All of our stories sound the same..
I came to the conclusion a long time ago that the original "Stressor'S" may be different however the end result is the same.
Several years ago when I was helping my second husband with his VA claim;I jumped in head first and learned alot about this Disorder but the most surprising statement came from my husbands Dr. when told "While you were acquiring your PTSD your wife was full blown...."
I personally believe that my stress began when my birth mother gave me and my baby brother up for adoption in 1956-57
had that been the only stressor I think I would have been ok but I also was raped and placed in
florence Critten home and my son was taken from me because of Social status....
But you know;when you are down the devil JUST DELIGHTS in placing his foot on you and push you a little farther down...

Now I can from personal experience tell you yhat I person can become so lost because of PTSD that they can forget who they are.
I hoope that no one will be offended by my remarks
if you are interested in chatting more please feel free to e-mail me @
ehines50@msn.com
REMEMBER as long as you don't let negitive thinking get a toehold inside of your spirit you can find a balance for the stress

[Rayma]

Ehines,

Your right we have to go throwgh the pain to start healing. It's a good thing that you finaly found yourself.

Due to my abuse begaining while still in the babybed, I never had a chance to develope "my" personality - the one I sould have had. PTSD changes the personalaty in some form of everyone who has it. It maybe a major change or a slite change, but there is always a change. I often wounder want my personality would have been like if I had not gone throw that, what whoud I be like if I was raised by my bmom, etc...

Are you asking for help, offering help, or do you just need some one to talk to oe on one? I'd be glad to help you in any way I can, including one on one.

Keep up the fight, you will find more and more of you as time goes by.
Rayma

[colin]

Hi again

It is nice to see this thread still alive.

I have been immersing myself into learning how to overcome my perceptions of past traumas. Recently i have been downloading many self help audio files from kazaa. Some of the most interesting have been the anthony robbins descriptions of how the mind works and how he suggests controlling it, Dr Phil and his self help stuff, Brian Tracy and his negotiation talks, and others on self esteem.

The reason i am sharing this is because of the surprising immediate benefits i have experienced. I have had alot of anxiety relating to people and suffered from low self esteem.

Well, the small things i can learn from how my own mind works makes me feel less helpless. The negotiating tactics have helped me with my assertiveness and getting more of what i want. Even the smallest thing like at a pay-what-you-can-night at a play, i bargained them down to 4 dollars for a ticket and that made me feel like a winner. Others were paying ten. Mind you i still felt anxiety but the next time it may be less.

The Dr phil stuff made me look at the past and is helping me remove my helplessness and guilty, angry feelings of today.

Even the Men are from mars women are from venus audio file helped me see communication with my girl friend in a different light. When she comes home i listen to her and don't try to solve her problems. I remind her i accept her and her feelings and love her. This has worked wonders cause she accepts me too, and that feels good in a mateur sort of way , 8D.

I just went to the search-audio-category-(self help, and audio book) and choose whatever i found had challenged me in the past.

So now i shared a little recovery story and i work at it every day and feel empowered. Good luck in your own lives.



Colin

[Rayma]

Colin,

I'm hapy for you! Anything that works for you is good (as long as it's not a "pasifier" a "placebloe" so to speak. The hard part is ripping off all those layers of negative feelings. Some people want to surperes these feeligs, but we must enbrace them, own them, before we can heal. I hope the books aredoing that so the healing will become a part of you. Have you tried "feelings Buried Alive Never Die..." By Karol K. Truman? It deals with feelings, stress, and the soul. My N.D. recomended this book. I think it's good, but I haven't fiished it yet. I also recomend "I Can't Get Over It - A Handbook for Trauma suvivers" by Aphrodite Matsakis Ph.D.

Congradulations, I think it that a real man to read and apply "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars". This shows that you are a very caring and lovng person, to want to understand where your girfriend is comming from. I'm sure that you're relationship is getting better and better. With understanding comes loving support, and strengh.

Take good care of yourself, Rayma

[Rayma]

I am having truble geting into the fourms, so please be patent with me. For some reason I can't loggin. But I can answer posts.

I've been wanting to ask you a favor for a little while now, but couldn't get in this thread.

The favor is...If you have or are dealing with an stress related illness, whould you PLEASE start a thread one that illness if there is not one already???

This will help you heal, help other to heal as well, and educate those of us who don't understand what your realy going throw. This will help the rest of us to be there for you.

I came up with this idea while talking to Wisdom. And if will be a good thing for her to do (I beleive it will help a lot), it will help others as well.

What is it REALY like to live with this illness? What do you do to get some releif from the stress/stressors/other symptioms. What triggers the stress or other symptoms? Etc,etc,etc... If we know more about owr own problems and others we will be much more able to offer advice and give each other the kind of help each of us need. All of us havesothing to give, even if it's just your pain. I and the others want to help you as much as we can.

Everyone, Please give yourselves a big hug from me. I realy do care.
Rayma

[clara]

ciao colin,

have been doing some reading: we are closer in approaches to healing than you can imagine. Please contact me any time you have any questions.

I have some questions of my own
stay well,


Renée

[colin]

Rayma i have checked out "i can't get over it" from the library. It seems very good. Thank you.

While i was looking for it i also found Emotional Claustrophobia, by Aphrodite Matsakis this is a bite sized book and has attracted my attention. It seems very validating towards many stressors of the growing up life.

I've got to get on some of the exercises.

Hi again Clara a gem of a book is "reality therapy" by William Glasser.

I found that it breaks our behaviours into connected sections and displays the hierarchy of what behaviour is directly controllable and their physiological resopnses. Bit of a mouthful. This is my first book that grabbed me and empowered my choice of behaviour.

Colin
Self Help Junkie

[Rayma]

GREAT!!!

I need to check out the other two books. You may also wat to check out "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die..." by Karol K. Truman. I haven't finished reading it, but so far it's good. It was recomended by a N.D.

Thanks for letting us know and take cae of yourself, Rayma

[clara]

I'll try to find that title colin, thank you.

Access to such titles is a little difficult from where I am: will try the next time I'm in an English speaking country

Let me know how you are: what are your thoughts on victimisation by the way?

[sjcna]

Hi everyone! I was adopted after being abused by my stepdad. I never really had any kind of counseling or help on getting through everyday life situations. After having 3 children ages 1,5,&9 I am finding out I have symptoms of ptsd. I have always been afraid of the dark and experiencing anxiety, depression, and the worst of all I don't hug my children often. That makes me sad I love them and want to hug them but it feels awkward at times. I have the same problem with my husband. I ache to show affection. I also like to stay at home not very sociable with people until I can feel comfortable around them. I don't know a whole lot about this disorder but what I have read from these post I feel the same as some of you do. I would like to get help but I was put on paxil for depression and I felt great for a while then after a couple of months I felt worse than I did before. I'm finding ways to deal with it I still have very bad days and some times nights I have developed insomniac from this. I'm open for advice. I wish everyone lots of luck.

[colin]

Hi sjcna

Welcome to the recovery zone.

Your past is gone except what rattles around in your head.

I am not so down as i was months ago when i wrote my pieces here and there. And I trust you will be feeling better in some time too.

I am anti-med so i say if your meds aren't working stop them. I am not trained but have heard all meds loose effectiveness after time, it is the way a body works. Your doctor should care about your 'worse feeings'. He should be motivated to help you and truly be able and care...BUT this is the real world. He may not have the experience or be having a bad day or whatever. You know what's up TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

Your past will haunt you until you replace the 'hauntings ' with other things.

Every second of your life you are Loving, Lovable, Capable, Intelligent, Creative and Powerful. Use that power and creativity. Explore further the feelings you have and challenge yourself in small steps to get to the hugging goals you desire. You are worth it. Make the choices and Make posters out of them to remind you, set timers, do whatever you want, as slow or as fast as you want. Start a club with your kids to share feelings, they really have them too.

We do not have a disorder, we have the communication signs from our bodies that something aint right. Now we are gifted with that motivation are we not???

I hate meds. Others here will have their opinions, that is mine. I was on different ones and just making dr appointments was a stressor for me so that made it worse.

Please share more about this --------> " I'm finding ways to deal with it I still have very bad days and some times nights I have developed insomniac from this."

Share the details, it may help you inside to get it out.

I just woke up and came across your note here. Please do not be offended by my straight out talk. I am not in the most empathetic of moods right now. But do talk about this with your loved ones (if they are supportive, if they can't be able to support you then please find someone who is.

Get counselling if you want to. Lay charges on your old stepfather if YOU want too. In canada there is free counselling for victims of crime. It may make counselling more affordable if the same applies where you live. There is no statute of limitation on abuse.

Do what you need, take care of you. Listen to you. You are worth it.

And listen, learn, and love yourself.

Colin

[fp40]

I'm adoptee also my birthmother walked out when I was 6mths old... That's when my mental illness began and at age 16 it was disclosed to me that I had PTSD because of all the medical and psycho trama had gone thur....

In 1994 I went into professional treatment because I couldn't deal with all this on my own.. DX Major depression, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder to go along..

Being left alone is not what i love to do..

[sjcna]

colin

Thank-you for your reply I feel the same about meds and I too have heard that after a period they due loose there effectiveness. I also know it's mind ofver matter and when I feel like someone is breaking in or I hear some slight noise I sweat and shake uncontrollably and I feel the anxiety when that happens there have been times my husband would get up and walk through the house to assure me everything is alright. when this happens I don't think about someone hurting me I fear for that someone is going to hurt my kids. I have gotten to where i can get up and check for myself but not always. Now I don't have to feel bad about waking my husband up. It also gives me a great feel of accomplishment that I'm am able to deal with my problems face to face. On the nights this happens or I just can't sleep this makes me groggy the next day and I don't feel like doing much at all and sometimes I even feel depressed. I have also been working on that and thinking about all thing things that are great in my life even thinking about all the great things or the cute things my children do that makes me happy. I also thinnk about the little things that they say thank-you for and it could be something small but to them I have made a difference even if it's just fixing lunch. My 5 yr old especially is estatic but to me I always make him lunch but to him it's not just lunch I've taken time for him. When I think about the joy that's on my children's face it makes me happy and get's me out of that depressed feeling.
About my stepfather he's still in prison I got info on him and he has life he has served 25 years so far and has no chance of paroll. However I don't have any real memory of the situation of the abuse I was only 2 when this happened but, I do have a scar across my stomach that one day I wish to have removed. I don't want anyone to feel pity for me I don't feel pity for myself I just want help. I am finding that there are programs here in va where I live to get the counseling and the support I need. I just need to make the step to do it. I'm giid at making the appointment but never sticking to it. After reading what you wrote it makes me want to have that power to just do it so I can get through this and I know I'm not alone. Also people there will have the understanding. I am also going to try having more discussions with my children and so I can understand there feelings at a much deeper level and that might help not only myself but my children because I want them to have the most precious memories of not only me and my husband but of theirselves and the childhood memories that will help them to become great adults, parents, spouses, and friends. I am greatful to your message and I will keep everyone posted on my results. I know it's not going to change over night but that it will change, but I have to be the one to change it. Even going slow will be o.k because atleast i'll be moving forward and not backwards.