[Rayma]

Roxy,

I forgot to tell you many people with PTSD are very angry. And they need to be able to express that anger. It's part of the healing process.

While some who have PTSD are very sincitive, others are very blunt. I'm sure you are aware that different people handle things differently.

I use to be one of those angry people who said what ever popped into my head and didn't even realise what I had said and I didn't care.

If people realy open up we may have a lot of that. You may even be one of them later on. And that's OK. That is part of the healing process too. Because of that a lot of people may not be nice. It's part of a process, and it may be someones personality.

I've talked to Nam Vets who have PTSD, and some of them seemed VERY mean. They won't put up with a lot of things, they just can't. Because, like a lot of us, they they have not got past that part of there treatment, or are not being treated at all.

I didn't get treatment until after I stopped feeling numb and started to cry all the time. And then only because someone I respected told me that something was wrong and subjested that I see a dc. At first I was diagnosed with depression, then later with PTSD. I still have depression, in fact I may have been born with it. Yes, depression can be hereditary, but not always.

[Rayma]

Clara and Roxy

I was typing my responce to your postes when the two of you stairtened things out. I think the two of you handled the situation better than I did. I'm sorry if I afended anyone. I know where both of you were coming from and was trying to get you to understand where each of us was coming from.

I never learned to spell, so please over look that and my typos.

We all need to take care of areselves, and help each other.

[lucyjoy]

EMDR is emerging as an effective treetment for some cases of PTSD(sorry, I don't remember what the initials stand for). Although you still remember the events that caused the trauma, it allows you to remember them without the panic and fear that comes with it. I know some attachment therapists have been trained to do this. I'm not sure how you go about finding any other trained therapists other then asking around. It has been effective for me and one of my sons, but two of my boys could not finish the therapy as the process of remembering was too tramatic for them to continue at this time and they stopped the therapy(the client has to actively participate).

[clara]

Roxy, Rayma, Lucyjoy,

Here is a site of an organisation which specalises in individual and family cases of PTSD and Attachment Disorders.

The website address is www. attachmentexperts.com and is the site of the
EVERGREEN PSYCHOTHERAPY CENTRE:
Attachment Treatment and Training Centre.
Leaders in providing Safe and Effective Soultions for Child Maltreatment and Attachment Disorders.

32065 Castle court, Suite 325
Evergreen CO 80439
Phone: (303)674-4029
fax: (303)674-4078

email:attiepc2aol.com

They offer a two week in-house (accomdation available) intensive treatment and training course.

It is always worth finding out what options are available to you.
Lucyjoy this might be of interest to you as they work with RAD and those who suffer concurrent dignoses of Oppositional Defiant Disorder/ PTSD/Attention-Deficit Disorder/ Depression.

The Therapy used is called Corrective Attachment Therapy aimed at establishing permanent secure attachment patterns.

Here are some further Contact and Resource sites and addresses:

PTSD Alliance 877-507-PTSD (7873)
www.PTSDAlliance.org

The Sidran Traumatic Stress Foundation is a PTSD Alliance Member Organisation. It is a non-profit organisation dedication to further education, advocacy and research. Their work is related to the recognition and treatment of traumatic stress and other trauma-generated disorders.

www.sidran.org (Baltimore MD 21286)

The Anxiety disorders Association of America (ADAA)
www.adaa.org (Rockville MD 20852)
301.231-9350

The International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies
www.istss.org (Northbrook IL 60062)

I hope those of you looking for help, advice, information and or professional diagnosis will find this information useful.

take care,

[Rayma]

lucyjoy and clara,

Thanks for the resurceses. I have never heard of EMDR.

This info can help a lot of people.

[dynamic2003]

Some things CAN NOT be "forgotten" ...like reading, writing, talking and sleeping.....Our brains are not "programmed" to forget, nor can we produce "selective" memories.....PTSD is NOT something that can be "erased" or "forgotten"..and anyone who thinks it is, is simply in Denial!

[Rayma]

dynamic2003,

You're right the past can't be forgotten.
With PTSD and other simular disorders there has to be treatmented in order to be in control the problem. By relearning how we respond to triggers and stressful situation. If not the disorder will control you.

There are many types of tretment, and it's a personnal choice which one is used. No one treament is the answer for everybody, because we are all have differnt situtations and personalities.

There is also the fact that there are 2 different types of PTSD, partial and full-bown.

Therefore, any info any any of the treatments are appresiated.

But we will not be able to forget. After therapy, I was able to look back at my experiences - to own then, as it were - to accept the past with out breaking down or blamming myself. The past is in the past, but I'll never forget. Forgive - yes, for get - never.

I use my experiences to try to help others and to educate other people about PTSD.

Now that I've found my birth family, it seems as tho a weight has been lifted off of me. Most of them, so far, are very nice and helpfull. The ones who are not haven't spoken to me. And anyway they can't hurt me unless I let them or give them the power to do so. In any event, it's in my hands.

My bneice has PTSD and I was able to give her info she didn't know and some helpfull advice. Which she aperciated.

Take good care of yourself.

[Rayma]

Roxy,

It's good that you are asking questions about your treatment. What exackly is meant by "intence therapy"? That is a relative term, so it could mean different things to different people.

If you have good insurance, some dcs will keep you hospitalized until your insurance runs out.

I have never gone through "intence therapy". Just councling every week for a while, then every two weeks, and it was changed again to every three weeks. After a while of that I was told that my therapy was compleate. I saw my dc every three mos for my meds and I still am.

Now I'm getting my liver teasted every three mos, because they just found out that one of my meds can cause liver trouble. My liver level is great so far. He's just making sure that no changes take place. I requested to stay on this med as long as my liver is not being damaged, because it works and I'm not sure if the other meds will work.

My dc says that my meds should help me loose wt, but I'm not. I'm on a lot of meds for other things. And some of them make you gain wt.

As far as Social Security Disablity goes - PTSD is in the book of conditions that are suppose to be automaticly approved. But they turn down people anyway. Most who are turned down never fight for their money.

As soon as SSD's Atty found out that I had a Atty, I was approved. And I received back pay.

The pay is based on how much money you made before you applied. There is a limit to how much anyone can get. But it is more than $500. Also in many states you can qualify for S.S.I., due to not having enough money. SSD and SSI both come with insurance (medicare and medicade) after two years. And with SSI you automaticly qualify for food stamps, and some phone companies will give you your basic home phone service for half price. Any one who gets food stamps where I live can get the discount on their basic hone telephone sevice with Bellsouth.

With both SSI and SSD you can work some.
Once you are approved you can go off of the asistance and then return at a later time without going throw all the problems that everyone goes through the first time.

There is also a vocational rehabilitation programe, it may have a different name in most states, but it's through social services. Everything they do for you is free. Their goal is too get people back into the work force. They provide medical care, education (up to a bachlers degree), transportation, babysitting, and even money to live on if they determine that you need it. Bascaly they do whatever it takes to get a disabled or hanidicapped person work. This is the only social programe that pays for its self.

Take care, ask questions and use common since. It is always a good idea to find out what experiences others have had. But allways remember what works for one person doesn't neccasarly work for the next person. So try to keep an open mind, but use discresion at the same time.

Take good care of yourself,

[colin]

I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing 'racing thoughts'=wired all the time?

I have a story to add to your information database in your brain. I was experiencing troubles with coping after returning from a 5 year long travel experience. I went to the doctors investigating depression. I was put on effexor then switched to fluvoxamine a prozac derivative. They both had wierd side affects.

I then suffered a traumatic experience where i was beaten unconscious because i was acting wierd after having a beer and it reacting with the meds. After that i was switched to Lithium as a 'mood stabalizer'.

Well i hated the meds and they hated me. I would never recommend being a guinea pig for the new unproven medicines. But i would never recommend you listen to my recommendations do what you feel is best.

FOR ME the meds added stress to my life, going for blood tests, going to doctors offices, filling prescriptions, living in a fog, feeling dependant and more.

I then self medicated with pot for years, i do not recommend that either but for me it got me through the time i needed until i was ready to concentrate on healing.

I went to support groups and intensive 40 hour a week day programs for ten weeks and learned many coping skills and recieved much support. I also had a chance to give lots of support to others.

Then after that i became a self help book junkie REALITY THERAPY by William Glasser and the SELF MATTERS by doctor Phil were two very good finds out of all of them. The second allows Self Psycho therapy. I don't know about you but i didn't like the psycoholigists or the counsellors i had encountered. But i did trust myself.

The library has many videos to learn from, use what you want and discard what you do not want.

I recently got off of pot all together and am really working hard with the self matters book. It helps me understand and bring out hundreds of buried events of my past and settle them in my mind. Ahh Therapudic nice feelings, lots of work but worth it.

I also found Hatha yoga stretching and breathing to work WONDERS for relaxing. Not the meditation crap just stretching and breathing. Libraries and book stores have dvds and tapes to follow. (sorry to the meditation buffs, it is not for me)

AS FOR YOU, congratulations on considering your relationship with yourself. You are worth it. Yes there is no money in it. Yes the hard work is ahead. If you are ready for it you will never lose by looking within.

Good luck and work hard
Colin

[Roxanne]

Thanks for all the good advise. Roxy

[Rayma]

Colin & Roxy,

When meds make you feel strange, you are either on the wrong meds for you, your doseage is to high, your allergic to those meds, or your body just can't handle the meds.

Meds are not for everyone, as I said before it is a personal choice.

But I beleive that the choice should be made with accurate knowledge.

I have expeienced that when a med seems to not work at all that, sometimes, they need to be taken at a different time of day, taken all at once, or divided through out the day.

For example: One of my meds, I was told to take one 1st thing in the morning, then a 2nd one later on that day. With no reasults. The pharmacist told me to take both just before going to bed. Now that med works like it should.

2nd example: Another med that I was given, I was told to take 3 at bedtime. It did the opposite of what it was inteneded to do, then later on that day it did what it was to do. So I choose to take it earlier and earlier. Later on I was haveing my original problem again, so I talked to the pharmacist and was told to take one three times a day, one whas to be at bedtime. Now I have no complaints.

So your choice about meds is a personal choice, but accurate knowadge should be applied along with your values, beleifs and personal experiences.

There is no right or wrong for everybody. We are all differnt and need to act on those differences. But never igore the fact that there are alternatives to whatever choice we have made and if we (as individuals) we choose to try an alternative (that is not dangerous or illegal) it is are choice (as individuals).

[colin]

Rayma (and roxy)

Thank you for your attention and support.

Regarding the meds, i was only talking of my case and opinions. I was not and will never and not give advise regarding meds. I agree all the facts should be considered. I love how you included "along with your values, beleifs and personal experiences."

Rayma for this you have my respect. The latter are very important. I live in British Columbia which in my opinion must be a dumping ground for medical practicioners who cannot make it in real cities. I was placed on effexor, a disguised type of speed, after a twenty minute consultation. No checkup was scheduled, no real assesment was made.

I came across a pamphlet put out by the drug company and that is how i self diagnosed myself with depression, and what the &^% qualifies me to do that? The doctor wanted to sell the drug because the drug companies take them to lunch and ask them to do so.

I returned asking for a proper evaluation and was sent to see a psychaiatrist. Another twenty minute meeting in which OCD was the diagnosis and i was changed to fluvoxamine, the disguised Prozac.

This didn't settle well with the system, sure it made me feel better but as i described to her over the course of months, i was losing my shyness and beginning to stick up for my rights.

Sometimes it put me in a place where i would not take abuse from anyone and i would become extreemely verbal in my defences.

There were two major cases that had scared me. One with a puppy, it was a hot day and the door to the shared accomodation house was left open for circulation. The owner of the house had an eight month old puppy who wandered out to investigate a couple walking their dog. I heard screams from the lady " stop get away". The lady was in distress because her dog was barking at the puppy and the puppy wanted to play. They had every right to be upset, i ran out to get the puppy and as i approached she started kicking the puppy. Well the playful golden lab was accustomed to a bit of wrestling because the owners kids and them used to play all the time. It was nothing for him to dodge the kicks.

I could feel the seriousness of the crazed woman, perhaps she was on meds too or should be. She yelled at me ---their are leash laws ya know" and as i called and went into the kicks to retrieve the puppy the husband grabbed my shoulder and a kick connected with the pup.

I grabbed the pup and broke the grip and stood back. Before the meds i was so used to many forms of abuse and perhaps it had built up inside but i let it loose right now in the middle of all the excitement. I bellowed above the top of my lungs "Yes there are leash laws. There are also laws about kicking puppys and laws about assault. And it isn't even my *&^% dog.

I was surprised and sort of had an out of body experience not really behaving like i ordinarily would. I was asserting myself, wow it felt good. But at the expense of shouting my face off in a very quiet neighbourhood and looking the fool. I immediately returned to the house very embarrased.

I then told the shrink that i did not like the meds. told her of the incident, and how i was not mateur in my responses and was not in control of them. She said its ok, we'll just up the dose it probably didn't kick in yet. Stupid QUACK.

The Next event was at a sterio store where i was approached by a salesman and accused me of being rude to him because i didnot respond to his repeated greetings from twenty feet away. I thought for a flash then responded "No, you're *&^% rude accusing me of the same, oops" What a shock to me, I used to just think that stuff, i immediately left the store, Went to my appointment and the shrink upped the dose as she continued to dip her finger into a single pack of peanut butter.

Later that week i brough my teen cousins to an Eatons liquidation sale to shop. And my vocal display granted me a one way ticket into the backroom to be beaten and strangled unconscious by the friendly neighbourhood security staff.

To make a long story longer. I then returned to my safe shell and crashed into tears and howls in a fetal positioned childlike sob then healed my wounds and I went back to the shrink and told her that story. She once again wanted to up the dose. I fired her on the spot.

Weeks later i was persuaded to go to a mental health center where a team of medical staf would do a proper evaluation with visits over the course of a few week. I was diagnosed as Bipolar. And put on Lithium, a thyroid shreading, mood stabiliser.

I spent a year of scanning the net for info, reading books, support groups and self development classes. I saw many of the effects of these meds. Many bloat the body and shread internal organs and dull the mind to a glased existance. I could not trust that system of tools to my body. After a year of living in a fog and meeting a beautiful fellow self development student i said enough to the meds and counselling sessions.

I came across the book reality therapy and many more which did point towards physiological, and physical symptoms for imbalances in the needs of life, like a good relationship, and balance. I then used pot as a diversion when times were overwhelming as i continued my studies and practices.

Now i am off pot and would never recommend it's prolonged use.

But i do want to state that "ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE" is not communicated by medical staff and perhaps not even known by them. They are busy and these meds are new and very case specific. I found an american medical site which listed more research into the effects than the doctors here even were led to be aware of by the drug salespoeple. We were all shocked at the findings there.

Fluvoxamine, a prozac derivative, was never recommended for bipolars because it is only a Unipolar med to rise them out of depression. When a bipolar hits the up side energetic phase the fluvoxamine puts them over the top as was prooven with the hundreds of prozac cases.

So ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE to me means, only how the patient is feeling. Only the patient knows for sure. But are the damaging effects on the internal organs worth the short term gain? Not for me. Do not allow the written information put out by the product selling companies nor the influenced medical staff influence you into continuing on meds you feel inside are not working. If you have to fire them and seek someone who will listen to you then do it. You are worth it.

Thankyou for taking the time. It would mean alot to me if a short comment was made to validate me being heard. It is part of my therapudic process to be open and honest and not feel shame about the days i had experienced.

Colin

[Rayma]

Coln,

You have had a horrible experience!

And it's true that with new meds the true effects are not known. The patient is the real judge of the effects of the drug.

Acurate Knowadge INCLUDES the pateints experience with the meds. Because all of us are different.

Your dcs didn't know what they were doing. I've had dcs like that and I fired them also. And I had one dcs asst. who refused to lisson to anything about a cerain illness I have, she told me that she didn't know anything about this illness and I respected her honesty, but I felt that she should have educated herself on it. She whouldn't, so I got anoher dc.

A long time ago, I had a dc who whould ask me what I need. He stated that I knew my body better than he did. I was seeing him for a physical problem that had been going on for years, so he had learned to respect my oppion. I wish all dcs were like that about long term problems. He never gave me anything with street value, until after I had surgury for a related matter. I throw the meds away when I started to want the pills befor I needed them. I ddn't want to become addited to pain killers. So I used an over the counter pain releiver. I was in more pain than I would have been if I had stayed on my perscibed meds, but personal beleifs and values are more important than being in some pain.

When the dcs didn't know what was wrong with me (it was a physical problem) they said tha it was all in my head. I felt as tho no one cared that I was truly suffering. It took literal years for me to be diagnosed. Because the dcs didn't know what they were doing.

I always research anything a dc tells me and all of my meds. If I don't agree with the dc than I tell him so and why. I also read my medical records. I recently got a copy of my medical history and found mistakes, which I am going to talk to me dc about and tell him to correct the mistakes or I will go above his head. I go to the VA. And I've learned how to be assertive without being agressive.

I am truly sorry for what you went throw. It's trerrible when the dcs make a mistake and give the wrong meds, and to have the dose increased is even worse!!!

I hope you have found something that truly works for you. There are alternative treatments, if that's something that you whould be intrested in. I've found that an REGISTERED N.D. is a very good place to go. The only reason I don't is I can't afford the N.D. and my medical is free at the VA. I specified registered, because there are quack N.D.'s out there, just like there are quack dcs. In the USA the N..'s have to go to college And be registered as an M.D. to call themselves a N.D. But this is a farily new law, and most people are not awere of it.

Thank You for your story. It remindes us to be carefull when gettng tretment and the meds we take.

We are hear to help each other, and I hope that I did not affend you, if I did I'm sorry.

Rayma

[colin]

Rayma

Yes i did have a compounded horrible experience.

I have heard similar stories from some in my support group. So i also have concluded it should be stressed that the patients have every right to firing the doctors who do not include the emotional fedback in their decisions.

I would also like to add that a local mental health support group is a great place to find the names and locations of doctors who peform acceptably, even if you do not want to share emotionally.

I picked up that you are not a pro med person just for the sake of it. Discarding the adictable pain killers was a very wise and shows forward thinking on your behalf. Also persisting for the surgery was your belief. Even after considering what they said you stuck to it so you must be strong.

Your assertive training shines through. I was 32 before i was even aware of the idea that assertiveness and agressiveness were two different things. Very good thing to be praised in you and point out others if they are not aware of this.

The researching on the net is a wonderful way to back up a doctors decision. It is also a wonderful way to discover options and potential problems. By doing this you are 'on the doctors staff' and become your number one personal advisor. I have found this practice to be very rewarding and empowering.

Rayma, i thank you again for your support. I am aware how much it helps me to communicate my feelings and experiences in this safe environment. I also know and feel how good it is to be heard and accepted. I have taken some college conselling courses to discover the magic behind therapudic processes. I feel heard and supported.

It is another interesting fact that i was 30 before i discovered that support was a gift that really matters alot. So i would say in certain emotional developmetal ways i am only six years old and growing so i do get a buzz out of feeling cared for and supported like a kid on their first bike.

Rayma, i have left the medical systems support for the time being. I am aware now of how my past perceptions of my life have played a major role of how i think of myself today. I have a very addictive personality and i am currently focusing that power into the Self Matters "i call it self psycho analysis" book by Dr Phil McGraw.

If you like researching meds, and i do, researching into how and what makes a person feel with the researcher center stage is a huge discovery for an empowering and enlightning hobby. I've spent thousands of hours on general self help books, videos, courses and discussions. It is my hobby, i know the dr phil book will not have all the answers but it sure is amazing to FEEL through his perception of the influential factors of the emotional and behavioural body capsule. <-- ha ha that sounded deep, did i write that? ha ha.

Another self help guru of years gone by was William Glasser and his Reality Therapy Book was the one that inspired me to get off my not-working meds because i knew a priority was establishing other balance in my life.

I had spent five years travelling the world in canoes, bicycles, hiking, horseback and by sailboat. Now i think i will spend the same travelling inside, thinking about what the 'thinkers' think about the mind and behaviour, thinking about what i think of me.

No offence taken Rayma, on the contrary you have inspired me to further open up and participate.

Thanks
Colin

[Rayma]

Colin,

I'm glad that you are incouraged to open up. That's why I started this thread, so people like us have a safe place to open up and be supportted and suportive. I truely believe that opening up is a key factor in healing.

I was in my 30's when I was diagnosed with depression, then PTSD. In therapy I had to learned how to be assertive, becuase I was too agressive. Your right there is a BIG differance.

I also, because I don't trust dcs, I had to learn to be very asseritive, and at times out right agressive with my dcs. And to "fire" dcs who will not lission to me.

Once, when I got a new dc because I had "fired" my old dc, the first thing I told him was that I wanted a dc who will work WITH me for my health care. And that I will be looking up everything he says and reading my medical records. At the VA they don't want you to read your records and will get on to you if they catch you. He cought me many times and said nothing about it. And when I questioned what was written he explained everything to me. I could also drop in without an appointment if I had a problem and he would try to squeeze me in. He usually could. Appointments are required at the VA, but he worked with me. But he's gone now, and I'm trying to find another VA dc that will work with me. If neccacary I will "get in their face". I never threat, or speak to anyone in an inaprocrite manner, but they know I will go over their heads so fast that they don't know what has happened.

I no longer let anyone push me around and I don't push others around any more either. We each have a mind, values, beleifs, and are oun experiences to bring to the table.

I an not a medical professional, just someone who has studied my illnesses and want to help others as best as I can.

I can't help anyone if I try to force my beleifs, values, and experiences on others. A person wo does that is a "toxic person" and I believe that a "toxic person" is the last thing any of us need. I have taken active steps to get rid of the "toxic people" in my life. After I did so my healing came rapidly. Of course, I was openig up all along.

I never would have been able to see who was toxic in my life let alone get rid of them if I had not been opening up, learning about myself and how to care about and love me.

Please keep coming to this site to open up, share info, and to receive and give encouragement. And thank you for recommenting those books. We never know what will help someone else, so we open up the windows of options and let each one choose when, if, and what window they will open. So you have addided to our "window" collection. Which is always appeciated.

Take VERY good care of yourself, Rayma