[tmarie2002us]

MY HUSBAND AND I ARE SEEKING ADVICE ON PRIVATE ADOPTION. WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO HAVE A BABY BUT HAVE FAILED TWICE THIS YEAR.

A COWORKER OF MINE APPROACHED ME AND MY HUSBAND THIS PAST WEEK AND GAVE US INFORMATION THAT SHE IS PREGNANT.

BECAUSE OF SOME CIRCUMSTANCES, THE FACT THAT SHE'S ONLY 19, UNMARRIED AND HAS 2 CHILDREN THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN TAKEN FROM HER, SHE IS UNABLE AND DOESNT WANT TO KEEP HER UNBORN CHILD.

SHE KNOWS WE HAVE BEEN TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO HAVE A CHILD AND WANTS US TO ADOPT HER BABY AS SOON AS IT IS BORN.

I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THIS AND NEITHER DOES MY HUSBAND. WE BOTH LOVE CHILDREN AND EVEN IF I COULD HAVE A CHILD RIGHT NOW I STILL WOULD LOVE TO ADOPT HER BABY!!

IM WORRIED HOWEVER, THAT THE ADOPTION MIGHT NOT GO THROUGH. WE HAVE A GOOD INCOME, BUT OUR CREDIT IS POOR. WE DONT HAVE A LOT OF MONEY BUT WE NEVER WANT FOR ANYTHING.

I WOULD LIKE SOME FEED BACK FROM SOMEONE MAYBE IN A SIMILAR SITUATION, IN FLORIDA, IF POSSIBLE. SHOULD I WORRY ABOUT A HOMESTUDY, OR IS IT EVEN NECESSARY IN A PRIVATE ADOPTION SITUATION.

THE GIRL REALLY WANTS US TO HAVE HER CHILD, AND WE REALLY WOULD LIKE TO GIVE THIS BABY A LOVING HOME. BUT IM AFRAID OF ANOTHER BABY LOST TO US THIS YEAR.

BUT MY HUSBAND AND I ARE VERY STRONG, WE'RE WILLING TO TAKE THE CHANCE.

THANK YOU PLEASE RESPOND!!!

[mintshastagrape]

homestudies are required in all states to adopt even in private adoption. the judge and attorneys will ask for one.

[DianeS]

As far as I know, a homestudy is required for any adoption anywhere in the USA. Your lack of credit probably will not be an issue, as long as you make adequate money to cover all your bills and all the bills the baby will bring.

An adoption is a legal affair, so you'll need a lawyer. Get one earlier rather than later so you don't accidentally break any laws. If you choose to go with an agency, the lawyer is sometimes provided with the fee.

One thing to check out with a lawyer before you agree to this adoption: Find out if your state is one of the states that will remove a woman's newborn child if she has had children removed before. In some cases, women who have proven to not be capable of caring for children are also assumed to not be capable of making an adoption plan for later children--and the state will step in and remove the child even if you have an adoption agreement and are waiting for the child. So check and see if your state will do that in her situation or not.

Good luck, and I hope this works out for everybody!

[misnran1]

Hi! My husband and I are involved in an independent/private adoption right now. The mother in our situation is in another state, so there is more paperwork involved when this is the situation. However, we were also involved in an instate private adoption last year which failed. The mother chose to parent, and then was unable to leave the hospital with the baby because of drug use and past problems....it was a bad situation.
I agree with one other reply, you need legal counsel from the begining. I would also recomment, if it's not already required by your state, that you provide counseling for the mother. With our 1st situation, we offered it and when she refused it, we just let it go. The mother we are working with now has started her counseling, which is required by the state she lives in, and I am thankful for it. It does provide some peace of mind that she will be better prepared for the difficult times she is about to go through. So, if it were me, I would make it a requirement for her even if it is not required by your state. If she resists, you may take a 2nd look at the situation.
Also, you work with this mother. Have you talked to your husband about continuing to work there after the baby is born? I would think that if you return to work outside the home after the baby is born, and she does too, there may be a problem....What I mean is you will be so happy to have your baby and she will be greiving for the same baby. Do you think that will work or do you think problems may arise? It could work fine for you, but just something to think about.
And one last thing.....does the mother have contact with the father and has she talked to him of her plans? If the father doesn't consent, you will have a long and expensive battle ahead of you.
I hope this has helped you in your decision. I hope it's not too negative, but I wanted to share my honest thoughts and suggestions. All the best to you, your husband, and the mother and father of the precious little baby.
Feel free to email me anytime!!
Missy

[misnran1]

Hi! My husband and I are involved in an independent/private adoption right now. The mother in our situation is in another state, so there is more paperwork involved when this is the situation. However, we were also involved in an instate private adoption last year which failed. The mother chose to parent, and then was unable to leave the hospital with the baby because of drug use and past problems....it was a bad situation. Our situation now is much better this time and the baby is due in just a few weeks, so we are hopeful things will go as planned.
I agree with one other reply, you need legal counsel from the begining. I would also recomment, if it's not already required by your state, that you provide counseling for the mother. With our 1st situation, we offered it and when she refused it, we just let it go. The mother we are working with now has started her counseling, which is required by the state she lives in, and I am thankful for it. It does provide some peace of mind that she will be better prepared for the difficult times she is about to go through. So, if it were me, I would make it a requirement for her even if it is not required by your state. If she resists, you may take a 2nd look at the situation.
Also, you work with this mother. Have you talked to your husband about continuing to work there after the baby is born? I would think that if you return to work outside the home after the baby is born, and she does too, there may be a problem....What I mean is you will be so happy to have your baby and she will be greiving for the same baby. Do you think that will work or do you think problems may arise? It could work fine for you, but just something to think about.
And one last thing.....does the mother have contact with the father and has she talked to him of her plans? If the father doesn't consent, you will have a long and expensive battle ahead of you.
I hope this has helped you in your decision. I hope it's not too negative, but I wanted to share my honest thoughts and suggestions. All the best to you, your husband, and the mother and father of the precious little baby.
Feel free to email me anytime!!
Missy

[mintshastagrape]

where I live if your adopting from your own son or daughter you dont need a homestudy done. like for instance if I let my mom adopt my baby she doesnt need a homestudy done.

[tmarie2002us]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYONES INPUT. IT WAS VERY ENCOURAGING, AFTER TODAY SEEMED TO BE A DISCOURAGING DAY.

THE BMOTHER IS DUE SOON AND I FEEL RUSHED. IM EVEN HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS. BUT ITS ONLY BECAUSE IM AFRAID WE WONT BE ABLE TO ADOPT.

I DID GO AROUND TODAY GATHERING SOME INFORMATION ON ADOPTION IN FLORIDA, AND IT WAS FRUSTRATING. I WENT TO THE COURTHOUSE TO GET INFORMATION, AND THE LAW LIBRARY TO RESEARCH THE LAW AND REGULATIONS. I EVEN WENT AS FAR AS TO GO TO A PRIVATE ADOPTION AGENCY TO SEE WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY.

WHAT THE AGENCY HAD TO SAY WASNT VERY ENCOURAGING. IN ORDER TO GO THROUGH A PRIVATE AGENCY THEY REQUIRE YOU TO BE MARRIED 2 YEARS, MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED SINCE JUNE 3 OF LAST YEAR, AND SINCE MY CREDIT IS BAD, THAT COULD BE A PROBLEM IN ADOPTING THE CHILD OR CHILDREN, SHE THINKS ITS TWINS!!!

BUT THE THE BMOTHER AND I TALKED TODAY AND IF THE ADOPTION FAILS MAYBE WE'LL GO AHEAD TO SEE ABOUT A GUARDIANSHIP. I KNOW THATS RISKY....

AS FAR AS SEEING HER EVERY NIGHT AT WORK, IT SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM. I WILL RESPECT HER AND HER FEELINGS. WE'RE NOT IN THE SAME DEPARTMENT SO WE DONT SEE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME.

TOMORROW I PLAN ON SEEKING OUT A LAWYER, HOPEFULLY A CHRISTIAN LAWYER TO HELP ME MORE MAKE A DECISION.

ALL THIS IS SO SCARRY IM HAVING A HARD TIME DIGESTING EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPENING. LIKE I SAID SHE CAME TO US, AND IM VERY GLAD SHE DID, I JUST DONT KNOW WHERE TO START.

I DONT WANT TO DO ANYTHING WRONG BUT AT THE SAME TIME I WANT ALL THE ANSWERS NOW!!!

AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT. TODAY MAY NOT HAVE BEEN THE BEST OF DAYS, BUT IM NOT ONE TO GIVE UP AND IM NOT GOING TO STOP NOW!!!

GOD BLESS

[Cleopatrick]

Our son was adopted through a private adoption. Similiar situation as you actually. She approached us. The very first thing you need to do is get a lawyer. He/she will tell you what you need to do and where you need to go from there. We had to have a homestudy even for the private adoption. I don't think not having perfect credit will get in your way. Lord knows my hubby and I don't have it, lol. We also don't have a lot of money but we don't lack for anything either. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you find a good lawyer. Ours was wonderful and she held our hand all the way through.

[ellieroze]

I am having someone adopt my older child. What should I be expecting?

http://www.geocities.com/ellieroze69/Silentnomore.htlm

[Lynnettee]

My husband and I were in a similar situation as yours: the Birthmom contacted us, we had only been married 2 years, had so so credit. We, at first, attempted to use an agency to assist us in the process, but the agency seemed to more interested in getting our money than facilitating the adoption for everyone. We tried 2 agencies and they both were of the same mentality. To make matters worse, my husband and I are both over 40 and I am a breast cancer survior (10 years). The agencies didn't want the birthmom to choose us because of our age, my cancer history, and the fact that both my husband and I had been married in the past. The birthmom was adament about us adopting her baby, so we all decided it was best to hire an adoption attorney with experience in these matters. I am an attorney, but adoption is something I was very unfamiliar with at the time. I wanted to leave it in the hands of an expert. I got on the internet and searched for adoption attorneys in the area of the baby, called attorney friends and hired an attorney where the birthmom lived and one where we lived (we lived in different states). We then let the 2 attorneys work out the legalities of the adoption between the two of them. We worked out a payment plan with both of them so that we wouldn't have to come up with a huge amount at one time.

My husband and I then went to work on getting the homestudy done. We called several counselors and interviewed them. We finally found one we really liked and worked with him throughout the process. He was very informative and answered a lot of our questions too. I would advise you to answer the homestudy questions as thoroughly as you can, gather all of the information that you can for the counselor prior to meeting him, copy all of the required documentation, type out your budget, etc. In other words, make the counselor's job easy. Go now and get your fingerprints done, as it took 6-8 weeks to get the criminal history check back from the State. When you finally meet with the counselor, you will have "all your ducks lined up" and the meeting should go easily.

We then met the birthmom and her family. We wanted her family to feel comfortable with the adoption, because oftentimes the family is the reason that the birthmom will change her mind at the last minute and keep the baby. The pressure from the family can be overwhelming to her. Our meeting went very well and everyone left with good feelings.

The only thing left was to wait for the birth. We traveled to where the birth was going to take place. We were at the hospital when our son was born and he was placed in our hands immediately after delivery. It was totally awesome. Everyone was crying with tears of happiness.

We were granted temporary custody of our son until the adoption could be finalized (2 months later). Everything went wonderfully, but it was because we had 2 very experienced attorneys helping us through the process.

We still keep in touch with the birthmom and we send pictures of our bundle of joy to her and her family every couple of months. We are so very grateful to her that words cannot describe it. Our son is the joy of lives and we love him so very much. My love for this little guy is so amazing--he is a part of my very being.

It costs us about $10,000 total and well worth every penny.