[nanab]

Hi,
well i can join this group.i was in care from age 9 to 18 in 9 different homes.i am now 46,have raised 4 bio children,and am married for the second time.my hubby and i are waiting to adopt through our state.the system has changed alot but still needs changes.nanab

[Ms. Jackie]

You are right. There have been a lot of changes. For exampe, they did not have Aftercare when I aged out. Aftercare is basically money and resources for kids ho have left care but are under age 21. They can use the money for anything that promotes self-sufficiency, more or less. The connections are the really priceless part, if kids use them wisely. I'm not sure if all states have this yet or not.

One thing all of the states do have is ETV (Education and Training Voucher) Programs. That is money for education and training beyond high school. The beauty of it is that it does not even have to be traditional college. It can be community college, beauty school, truck driving school, etc. It's a beautiful thing.

[corcor]

Hi Everyone,

We've recently fostered a 2-year beautiful baby boy named Julian for 10 months...then the day before the adoptive parents arrived here in the Philippines, our social worker called to inform us that we would have to turn Julian over to his adoptive family after 3 days. The separation process was so abrupt , the actual turn over happened in a span of 2 hours-- we(foster family) and the adoptive family met at the orphanage and after an hour of talking, the adoptive sister started playing with Julian (Julian being a vry sociable child was cool w/ it)...but while this was happening, knowing that was the last time I'd ever see him playing, laughing...I just broke down crying in front of everyone (so did my mom), the social worker then hurriedly rushed us out of the room & into another room so the child wouldn't see us crying.

After about half an hour, the child started running around looking for us saying "Mama, mama, where? Mama where?" and started trying to open the door where we were locked in... the social workers then told us that because the child was looking for us, we COULD NO LONGER say goodbye to him anymore because it'll be tough for him to leave us. So I felt completely helpless --I realy wanted to at least say Goodbye & not being able to do so just tore my heart into pieces. The adoptive family was then ushered out to leave the orphanage first with us still hidden in the room but we were allowed to peer through the window...and all the more I broke down. I saw the child run to our car (which was parked outside) looking for us then the adoptive father just carried him away...although the child didn't cry, he had a very stioc, glassy-eyed look, confused look...that was the last time I saw him...I wanted to run out to say Goodbye - to hold him just one last time but I couldn't and that just killed me...I was devastated...the pain was excruciating...

I felt this was extremely traumatic for BOTH parties- the foster family & for the child. I was under the impression that the separation would be gradual...our family and the adoptive family gets together little by little familiarizes themselves with the child and when the child gets to a point where he's extremely comfy, that's when the turn over takes place. Am I wrong?

According to the social workers of CRIBS PHILIPPINES and their FILIPINO child psychologist, this is the best procedure. Is this really how it's supposed to be or are these so-called "social workers" and "child psychologists" just plain incompetent?

Can someone please please help shed some light on this? I know my whole family is devasted over the loss of Julian...I don't want Julian to feel as if we've abandoned him....I really just want him to be happy

[Adopteetj]

I just wanted to send you some big hugs!!!!!!!!!!!

God bless you!