image

image

 
JOIN 800,000+ MEMBERS JOINJOIN Cancel
image






Adoption Forums®

Members List Photos Events Local Adoption Support Search Arcade Reviews Membership Upgrade
Welcome to the Forums. Register
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.
Forum Categories
User Name
Password

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-11-2011, 05:31 PM
StephanieMB's Avatar
StephanieMB StephanieMB is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 490
Total Points: 1,534,262.92
Donate
Getting frustrated with this girl!!

My fd is 12, and she insists on throwing away her undies when she has her periods! I've showed her how to rinse so they don't stain. I am always buying undies and I'm getting really irritated! Money doesn't grow on trees, doggone it!

What do you do?? I have no choice but keep buying, but I sure wish there was a way to stop her from doing that!

Once she's RU'd, her mom won't be able to keep buying for her, so I'm not sure how to get her to quit now.

Any ideas I might be able to try?
__________________
Stephanie (wife to my soul-mate for 19 yrs)
Mom to
:

B(19) M(17) E(14)
A(10) B(2)


Current Placements:

none







Loved and cared for 30+ foster children since 2006.

Reply With Quote
Adoption Information
Become an adoption forums premium member to enjoy these Membership Benefits:
  • Remove Advertising
  • Unlimited Arcade
  • Unlimited Attachments
  • Increased PM Storage
  • Calendar Posting
  • Larger Avatars
  • Personal Page
  • Just $19.95 / yr!
Domestic Adoption?
Virginia
Click here to visit Adoption Home Study Provider
If you live in the U.S. and are going to adopt, you will need an adoption home study. Click here to find a home study provider in your area. Get Started Today!
Adoption Home Study Provider
 

  #2  
Old 10-11-2011, 06:16 PM
EZ2Luv's Avatar
EZ2Luv EZ2Luv is offline
Senior Member

Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,006
Total Points: 87,588.67
Donate
Maybe she is afraid of touching the stained panties. Can you maybe offer her some disposable gloves?
__________________
http://www.october15th.com/


In Rememberance of my 3 Brothers in Heaven, who went to live with Jesus before I was born.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-11-2011, 09:59 PM
nerd_dork_brat_head nerd_dork_brat_head is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 13
Total Points: 354.22
Donate
What if you have specific undies only for that time of the month? Do you know why she is throwing them away? Hydrogen peroxide will get blood stains out like a wonder. But I really think there is something more to this.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-11-2011, 10:59 PM
RavenSong's Avatar
RavenSong RavenSong is offline
Senior Member

Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 5,189
Total Points: 179,803.85
Donate
Maybe she should use some type of disposable underwear during her menstrual periods. Have you thought about maybe trying some Depends? I'm pretty sure there are cheaper alternatives, like generic brands.
__________________
~~Raven~~

What does not kill me, makes me stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888, German Philosopher (1844-1900)

Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-12-2011, 07:30 AM
StephanieMB's Avatar
StephanieMB StephanieMB is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 490
Total Points: 1,534,262.92
Donate
Good ideas, thanks!
When you say you think there's more to this problem... can you explain? Is this something I should be telling her therapist?
__________________
Stephanie (wife to my soul-mate for 19 yrs)
Mom to
:

B(19) M(17) E(14)
A(10) B(2)


Current Placements:

none







Loved and cared for 30+ foster children since 2006.

Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-12-2011, 06:14 PM
DDAmasa DDAmasa is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 349
Total Points: 22,359.54
Donate
She's only twelve and this must all be fairly new to her. Maybe she's embarrassed? I can remember being that age and all the girls were sensitive about others knowing when they had their periods, even their own mothers. I know things have changed somewhat since those olden days, but maybe stained underpants still embarrass her and she feels more comfortable thowing them out than letting you see them.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-13-2011, 08:48 AM
nerd_dork_brat_head nerd_dork_brat_head is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 13
Total Points: 354.22
Donate
I would say that it is possible that the counselor needs a heads up. Has she mentioned why she throws them away? Maybe the blood on her undies reminds her of something else. Maybe she just doesn't understand. Maybe there is something emotional that she isn't even aware of that is playing into it
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-13-2011, 09:58 AM
Howdy's Avatar
Howdy Howdy is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,387
Total Points: 35,187.76
Donate
My daughter does the same thing and I just grumble and lecture and that doesn't work. I don't care enough about it to put any energy into it, but if I did want to change her behavior, my guess is that if I gave her an amount of money and told her she could use it to buy new underwear or else she could wash out the messy ones and use the money on fun stuff, she might be motivated to wash them out. My second idea would be to have her do chores to work off the money used to replace the underwear.
Reply With Quote

  #9  
Old 10-13-2011, 12:07 PM
missypea missypea is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,139
Total Points: 78,395.81
Donate
Maybe you could dye her underpants a dark color so that the blood doesn't show up as easily.

I would also mention it to the therapist- there may be an issue behind the behavior.

My dad (who is a therapist) says that sometimes you can snuff out annoying behavior by "normalizing it." Make the behavior part of normal life and she may get bored of it. Maybe a the disposable undies will cause her to want to use and wash the regular ones? Maybe you could get her some tampons or help her make sure that the pads she's using are positioned correctly?

Maybe there should be no replacement panties? Or she should have to find a thrift store that will give her new ones (yes, I do know of one in my area)?

Maybe, it's as simple as her not understanding the value of money? How does she do on other money issues?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-13-2011, 01:38 PM
StephanieMB's Avatar
StephanieMB StephanieMB is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 490
Total Points: 1,534,262.92
Donate
Quote:
Originally Posted by Howdy
My daughter does the same thing and I just grumble and lecture and that doesn't work. I don't care enough about it to put any energy into it, but if I did want to change her behavior, my guess is that if I gave her an amount of money and told her she could use it to buy new underwear or else she could wash out the messy ones and use the money on fun stuff, she might be motivated to wash them out. My second idea would be to have her do chores to work off the money used to replace the underwear.

I lecture too. And grumble. I don't particularly care about stains... it's something I take care of when I do laundry and no biggie.

She already gets money, so I told her this time that she will need to replace her underwear, that maybe if it takes away from her fun money, she will think twice about pitching them.

I never thought about the possibility of the blood reminding her of something in her past... but that's entirely likely. I did give her therapist a heads-up, so she can address it as needed.

Thank you for all the input! i really appreciate hearing everyone's thoughts.
__________________
Stephanie (wife to my soul-mate for 19 yrs)
Mom to
:

B(19) M(17) E(14)
A(10) B(2)


Current Placements:

none







Loved and cared for 30+ foster children since 2006.

Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 11-06-2011, 07:20 AM
rmsept81's Avatar
rmsept81 rmsept81 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 432
Total Points: 25,509.72
Donate
We have not quite hit this stage yet but I'm errified for when we do. My oldest fd was sexually abused and her therapists have already begun talking to her about this so that she doesn't freak when it happens.

When I read your post my first thought was why is it staining? Does she need longer pads, are tampons an option? Is she racking her cycle to know when she is going to get her period? I know at that age it can vary a lot but maybe a panty liner everyday would help. Does she think she's dirty? Perhaps only buying dark underwear.

I think I would tell her I'm not buying any more. If she keeps throwing them out she is going to have to go commando. I am required to provide underwear and what she does with it is her responsibility. I'm big on explaining choices. I'm always back that kind of consequence up. I have the same rule about finding stuff on the floor. If it's on the floor and I find it I pick it up and it's mine for a week. The second time I throw it out.

A
__________________
7/1/10 - First inquiry of Foster to Adopt process
7/30/10 - 1st home visit
1/12/11 - Final home Visit
1/21/11 - Called to Foster while our license is rushed through!
1/24/11 - Siblings Jelly Bean (7) & Mr. Mohawk (3) move in (4th foster home)
4/11/11 - Two eldest of the sibling set Little Mama (10) & Gabby (9) move in (3rd foster home)

6/8/12 - 2 year permanency hearing goal extended another year
January 2013 - Overnight Visits Begin
4/10/13- Reunification with Bio Mom

7/4/13-7/6/13- Emergency placement 6&8 year old sisters.

8/2013- Contacted about sibling set of 4; Potential Adoptive placement. Say yes. Contacted again 10/13 about same group. Say yes again.

12/20/13 - 2 Youngest sibs Smiley (4) & Simon (5) move in. Goal: Reunification



Mommy to 1 Fur Baby - Sidsy 75lb Spaniel
Wife to DH since 11/4/06

http://lovesastateofmind.blogspot.com/
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-06-2011, 05:11 PM
StephanieMB's Avatar
StephanieMB StephanieMB is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 490
Total Points: 1,534,262.92
Donate
I have provided long pads, overnight pads, pads with wings, pads without wings, tampons (a whole other fiasco). Strange thing is, she won't wear the longer or overnights because "they feel funny". I have also gotten thin longs and overnights.

Believe me... I have tried everything I can think of to help her. I truly think she likes the attention.

Since my first post on this thread, she is now in her period again. We had just gotten to church this morning and she went out to the bathroom. Pretty soon, she came back and asked me in a dramatic whisper if I have any pads with me "cuz I am in my period and forgot to change this morning". I usually keep extras in the glove compartment of the van, so I sent her out to look. Here she comes again... no pads. Then I remember I had one extra in my purse, so I pass it to her and out she goes again.

My first thought is that she's been up since 7AM--- this is 10AM--- what in the sam hill did she do all morning?? How do you go to the bathroom when you get up and NOT remember the pad? Why is it just now an emergency when she's had several hours?

It's all for attention and show. She does this every single month! If it's not lost underwear, then she's calling me from school (during the summer, she'd call from the city pool "umm, my tampon fell out in the pool and I need a new one" Major YUCK factor) I would ask her "You knew you were in your period before you left the house... why didn't you prepare?"

But it goes back to seeking attention. It makes everyone scurry to help her out of a bind, whether the bind is needing more underwear or extra pads.

As for staining, I had tried to teach her the simple solution of moving the pad up an inch or two if she's consistently leaking over the top. She gives me the blank looks like nothing is registering. I feel like i would get further, sometimes, by explaining all this to my cats!

I recently talked to her therapist who was going to address the issue. I'm not sure she ever did and now that therapist found new employment.

I am so ready to see her move on. We're tired of her drama-seeking ways and manipulation. She's been here since January, so we're almost at the 1 year mark. :-/
__________________
Stephanie (wife to my soul-mate for 19 yrs)
Mom to
:

B(19) M(17) E(14)
A(10) B(2)


Current Placements:

none







Loved and cared for 30+ foster children since 2006.

Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-08-2011, 04:46 PM
going2bparents's Avatar
going2bparents going2bparents is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 641
Total Points: 57,174.21
Donate
You may need to revert to a little love and logic. Have a seat with her and explain that moving forward, she is going to responsible for remembering her own pads. Maybe get her a little hand bag to carry around with her. As far as the underwear go, warn her that you aren't going to replace them anymore. If she throws them all out, she is going to have to earn money to replace them. Maybe get her some dark underwear for her to wear during her period. She will figure out really fast that she needs to take some responsibility for herself.
__________________
Proud Parents to almost 20 children now!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-17-2011, 02:42 PM
Doggymom's Avatar
Doggymom Doggymom is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,674
Total Points: 130,960.03
Donate
Does she have a watch and a calender? I would set the watch with alarms to go off to remind her to change her pad. I would only buy black underwear..Maybe try ebay. I would help her mark the calender to get used to knowing when it is coming and ending...Also it would remind me to make sure she has extras in her backpack... I would ask her isnt it uncomfortable to feel wet? My 4 yo hates any dampness at all and will insist on new panties. She is lucky she hasnt bled thru in front of her peers that got my attention real quick as a kid.


It could be worse. My bro's DD just wouldnt take care of herself..Got to the point where couches/outfits got ruined... It came down to a depression issue her parents were divorcing moving around big changes...

If it is truly about attention I would make her spend hew own money on new panties... And give tons of praise when she is doing well with it.
__________________
Mama fostering two & adopted 2 awesome kids!

Van Girl almost 4! Adopted 1-6-12

Vin Boy 1.5 yo and growing daily! Adopted 1-6-12

6 months on 11/23/11! Adoption date 1-6-12!

Dev Boy 4 yo Foster Moved to an adoptive placement.
Baby B Boy 1 yo Foster Moved to an adoptive placement.
K Girl 8 yo Went home
D Boy 1 yo Went home
D the Tree 2.5 yo boy Moved to family friend
Blondee baby 1 yo boy Moved to family friend
Miss Bit 4 days old only time will tell! moved to an aunt against sw rec may be back someday we hope.
Mr X one yo boy Returned to mom at Grandpas house.
Sunny two yo girl Current, keep if we can. Went home to mom.
YaYa 1 yo boy might stay might go hope to know 2-15
Flower Girl NB baby hope she stays!
Waiting for new placements or my dream call for kids baby sibling.
Reply With Quote
Reply

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Points Per Thread View: 1.00
Points Per Thread: 15.00
Points Per Reply: 5.00


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:32 PM.