[Lorraine123]

That sounds a lot like the "Parenting with Love and Logic" books. They promote natual consequences. I use that technique a lot with my RAD daughter. She can't understand when something is explained to her, but she can see the results when they affect her. Sounds like this would work somewhat with the child in this thread.

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by In_limbo_for_now

Has anyone ever heard of reflective listening? it can be helpful when talking to someone who is upset.

I've never heard of it. Tell me more? Does it work for you?

[gdaisy]

If it s the same as saying... You repeat what the child is saying by just stating what they expressing.. for example...

I am so mad at you ..... then you state I understand that you are mad/angry/ upset...

It just validates what the child is thinking/ feeling and allows them to see that you understand..

I learned and have used it with odd children in a residential facility to 4th graders with behaviors.. it seems to work..

[Becki_in_IN]

Originally Posted by txwannabemom

If you leave your clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the basket, I won't know what needs to be washed.

If your clothes aren't washed you will have to wear dirty clothes.

If you want clean clothes, please put them in the hamper.

(And then the hard part) Letting them wear the dirty clothes they left on the floor instead of washing them.

Your example mede me LOL. My almost 14 yo wears her clothes over and over again and could care less if I ever wash them.

You know I don't think kids mind if their friends smell bad these days,

[MassachusettsMom]

Originally Posted by txwannabemom

If you leave your clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the basket, I won't know what needs to be washed.

If your clothes aren't washed you will have to wear dirty clothes.

If you want clean clothes, please put them in the hamper.

(And then the hard part) Letting them wear the dirty clothes they left on the floor instead of washing them.

Do you think that would work with my husband?

[In_limbo_for_now]

My mom would make me do my own laundry if I couldn't hit the hamper. It worked for me but it did not work for my BD the recycles clothes.

[GoddessDanu]

Originally Posted by txwannabemom

If your clothes aren't washed you will have to wear dirty clothes.

Sooooo true! I'm wearing three day old jeans right now because I haven't done the laundry. I've been spring cleaning (emptying out closets, etc.) and laundry wasn't on the list! lol

Back to the OP, I think the thing to remember is that this girl has every right to be angry. What you have to do is find a positive outlet for that anger. She's 11, right? Is she into music yet? Maybe you could get her to start writing her own songs. Do you know how to play an instrument that you can teach her? Music is a HUGE outlet for negative emotions.

As for discipline, pick your battles. Make sure that the battles you deem important you win but try not to make everything a power struggle. If she doesn't make her bed, is it that big of a problem? A more serious issue would be if she hid food under her bed and it rotted and started to make the house smell. See what I mean? Let her get used to your family, home, and rules before you start expecting her to abide by them.

Good luck!!

[mamamac]

We learned Flipping in our Behavior classes.
Flip the situation by changing the place, calling their attention to something else. It's basically redirecting the child.
Examples: You tell the child to do their chore, they make an ugly face and backtalk you. Say, wow, what face was that you made? Do you make a lot of different faces? I'm not sure what those faces are and what they mean. Because, I need to know, I'm just here to HELP. Get a paper and start taking notes the description of the face, and what mood they might be inwhen they make that face. Are there any other faces? By this point, you have flipped the situation and can probably get them to do that chore w/o a problem.
Another example is to keep moving. They are throwing a tantrum and you say, you know, could you maybe move from the living room to the kitchen to throw your tantrum, because you know the lighting is better in the kitchen, blah, blah,blah. By them moving, you've flip the sit.

It sounds kooky, but it works. My favorite line is "Hey, I'm just trying to help."

[thelowlanders]

I like those ideas Flipping it sounds like what I try to do.

Just a side note on the running, I "run" I guess. I was adopted and worked through alot. Then had a hot tempered Adopt. Dad. He was never physical, just got really, really mad and wanted to be right all the time. I learned to "run" to let everyone cool off. Then talk later. I still do this. If everyone is all hyped up, I leave the situation informing them that when they're ready (or I'm ready) to have a decent convo, let me know. I was going to say oh you're wrong, I didn't do it for control. But I did. Just ina good way. Not to control and be right, but to control the situation from getting worse.