[StephanieMB]

I'm just wanting some input here. Our fd is a high strung, emotional, and shows various signs of being ADHD according to her therapist. The mom is unwilling to try meds, so at her request, I have been doing other adjustments to fd's life.... cutting way back on sugary foods and drinks, adding a tumbling class once a week and other things.

Nothing seems to be working. I was stumped until yesterday when I was told that the mom brings a 32oz fountain pop, candy for each child (individual bags of more than 1 serving) and cookies or other sweet treats to every visit. This happens up to 3 times a week!!

Now I'm really upset. The vitamins, the tumbling class, and other stuff have been an "inconvenience" to our life but one we were willing to make for our fd to help her feel better and gain better control of herself. The mom, who wanted me to do all that, has been sabatoging ALL my efforts!

My question is this, am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Do I have any right to be upset? I've been debating about telling the caseworker, but I wonder what good it'll do. I'm immensely frustrated. The kids do NOT need all that sugar! And we're the ones who have to pay the price for her loading them up on it!

I know these are her kids but it is detrimental to the kids' health.

What do you think?

[gdaisy]

I would let the CW know what is happening.. it is a huge inconvience to your family and it is not appriopriate.

[missymissus]

I would let the CW know. So far all of the fkids we've had have been stuffed full of not so healthy food (or huge amounts of diarreah inducing apple juice) at some point.

I always let the CW know that I'm concerned about the food and why its an issue. If its a continual problem I make sure the transporter/visit supervisor knows what the concern is as well. For the most part, that has stopped the problem.

[c.a]

One of the best pieces of advice I was given was to email the SW after every visit and give a summary of what you observed (good and bad) during and after.

It doesn't need to be long. Just observations (what you, personally, saw and heard).

It is perfectly reasonable to include your concerns about the snacks - 32 oz of anything, let alone soda is not appropriate for a child. If you put it in an email, the SW should include it in the record.

[CaddoRose]

You can let the CW know what steps you have been taking and how you see the snacks affecting the behavior after wards. You can also enlist the doctor to make a "prescription" of sorts, like a recommendation, to limit the amount of sugar and snacks. If a doctor will write a recommendation about it, then the CW can use that to inform the Mom about the new diet and that the diet is geared toward helping the child without medication. I also feed mine before a visit with healthy foods and water, so they are less likely to want to eat the junk. If the CW can explain how the food is causing the child problems, then the Mom can bring food from an approved list of treats that you give the CW. I know in our case, the CW used the parents would bring honey buns and soda and she informed them about good choices to make and if they continued to bring junk, it was documented as a failure to learn good parenting choices.

[c.a]

Good point Caddorose! I agree. I had a foster child who was diagnosed with bronchitis. I asked the Dr. to add in his notes an order that the child should not be exposed to second hand smoke. I gave a copy of the Dr.s note to the SW and bio mom.

[StephanieMB]

Thanks for the advice. And for letting me know that I'm not being overly critical and nit-picky.
I will be talking to the cw and hopefully we can get it changed. So far, the mom hasn't done anything she was asked to do, but I truly hope this time she'll listen. If just talking to the cw and the mom doesn't work, I'll get the doctor involved.

No snacks at all would be better than the trash she's filling them with.

[iFairy]

Hmm while it is extreme, from the mothers point of view giving her children sweets helps kep a good relationship as sweets makes the children happy. Wrong way to do it of course but bare it in mind.
Have you tried maybe suggesting to the mum to cut down on the sweets? If she is asking you to do these things then explain that the sweets are having a negative impact on the work you are doing and you would like a trail period of less sweets to see if it improves. If you could discuss it with her and let her have an input then she may well listen because she will think that it has been her idea?

I would let the caseworker know, or have the children bring all sweets home unopened and use them for good behaviour, this way you are able to monitor what they are eating and how much of it.

[StephanieMB]

iFairy, I can see how the mom might think that, but this whole process has been a series of taking the easy way out. She used to bring healthier snacks, but since has gotten rather lazy and now after picking up the kids, they stop at a convenience store and she buys whatever the kids see and want. She no longer brings a well-thought out, planned snack.

She doesn't like how the kids behave but apparently it's easier to complain about it, rather than do something to help. And yes, we've all talked to her about sweets being part of the behavior problem and that we need to cut way back on them. Since then, she's actually INCREASED the sweet treats!

That's where my frustration lies.

[iFairy]

It is possible that she is trying to make you give up? So that people will think that she is the only one to look after them. Obviously this would not happen, but by doing this she may well be trying to discredit you and your work.
Could you speak with the caseworker and maybe suggest she buys them sweets once per week as 3 times is a bit much if they are unhealthy.

[catkendig]

I agree with the other posters, to let the cw know about your concerns.

But thought I'd just mention some other dietary ideas you could incorporate to help with the ADHD symptoms. In the "crunchy" forums I frequent, there's a widely help opinion on the connection between Red Dye #40 and ADHD (and Yellow #6 I believe). It reallys seems to ramp up the hyperactive behaviors. Also, consider adding in some Omega 3s. There's another strong link between Omega 3s counteracting the ADHD type behaviors. Lots of fish, flax seed oil, or even the gummy Omega 3 vitamins for kids (my grocery story carries them).

So, sorry to intrude on what really was a different question - I just wanted to toss those ideas out to you. One of mine seems to be headed towards ADHD and these are just some of the dietary changes we've made permanent in our lives. He seems calmer now, although I am completely willing to admit that it could be maturity, not diet, that's calming him down.

And here's a thought - telling bio-Mom that they can't have Red #40 (I'm SURE you can get a doctor's note for that) may automatically eliminate alot of the junk food she's giving them. It might be worth a try!!!!

[mommy09]

Hmm while it is extreme, from the mothers point of view giving her children sweets helps kep a good relationship as sweets makes the children happy.

She's definitely working against you. You're limiting the sweets while she's over indulging...

[StephanieMB]

Originally Posted by iFairy

It is possible that she is trying to make you give up? So that people will think that she is the only one to look after them. Obviously this would not happen, but by doing this she may well be trying to discredit you and your work.

Very possible. I see that happening. I can't understand though, why she'd risk the documentation, because all this is going to be shown to the judge as one more strike against her. She's shooting herself in the foot! It will backfire eventually since this is only one of many things she does/doesn't do.

[StephanieMB]

Originally Posted by mommy09

She's definitely working against you. You're limiting the sweets while she's over indulging...

She actually told the cw that she didn't believe in giving pop to little kids and that she doesn't give candy and lots of sweets to them.

As if I don't see the leftovers when I pick up the kids! The supervising cw also documents every snack at every visit. I was speechless when she actually attempted to deny it.

[thelowlanders]

hmmmm....

Maybe make visit day a free for all day. Have them already "amped up" on sweets and junk BEFORE visit . I know, I'm bad. But maybe, she'd see the difference you usually have to deal with. Only if you find your cw not caring or helping perhaps. Which is what I've had to deal with. No one cared. So I made sure the Fchild had already eaten plenty before, so that the throwing up happened AT visit, not in my car or home as it always happened after every visit. Guess what....the over feeding stopped.