[Bamamom07]

My kids' bio mom actually knew all about fs's doctor-ordered diet, watched us check his blood sugar, and minutes later gave him a gallon bag of cotton candy plus another bag of candy. She always gives the kids loads of candy when she sees them, and drinks are always koolaid or sunny delite. She knows he takes insulin. She just wants to give them candy and make them happy in that way. I have to be the bad guy and take it away, and slowly portion it out. It just goes hand in hand with all of her other choices, and is just another illustration why she is not parenting. Document, report, and try to help the child understand. Kids can't resist candy too well, but filling them up prior to visits, including a little something sweet, will probably go a long way towards slowing down the candy fest during visits.

[AmahMama]

Inappropriate foods and snacks have been a fp's nightmare for as long as I can remember. It seems that the bio's would rather have the easy way to a quick smile and thank you than the documentation that they are trying to do right by the child. If anyone could find a real way to deal with the snack issue - I'd love to try it!

Even with infants - I've had issues w/bio's not following any sort of direction or even insistances. One bio insisted on bringing her own baby food to visits. Only problem was that the baby had a severe milk allergy and was badly ill with projectile vomiting and diarrhea after every single visit. I packed a baby food that was totally milk free, told the transporter that this was ALL he could have, and then got it back with the statement that 'they are only supervising to make sure the child isn't mistreated or in any danger'. They do no assis the bio in parenting skills or decisions. Even after I contacted the cw this continued. Even with a Dr. note - it continued. It finally stopped with a TPR and adoption. Poor kid.

So - if you come up with anything - please share! And good luck.....

[iammykidsmom]

I think that the child still legally belongs to the parents and they can feed them whatever they want. They don't have to follow foster parents instructions, unfortunately. Heck, they don't have to follow dr. instructions either.

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by StephanieMB

Nothing seems to be working. I was stumped until yesterday when I was told that the mom brings a 32oz fountain pop, candy for each child (individual bags of more than 1 serving) and cookies or other sweet treats to every visit. This happens up to 3 times a week!!

The thing is, though, the link between ADHD and sugar hasn't been proven. Most studies to date have not supported a link between hyperactivity and sugar (brief over view: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publi...e-index.shtml). So techincally, it isn't really provable that the reason the interventions you've tried aren't working is because of the sugary snacks. Plus, let's all be honest, when we want to treat children, we usually end up some place like the ice cream shop, or picking up a popsicle while at the zoo or getting a drink at McDonald's. But for the parents of kids in fostercare that's pretty much the only option. They can't gather around the stove and bake whole grain banana nut bread with rice flour and extra wheatgerm. Nor can they take their hour visit whip up a pot of spinach. Most of them are doing the best they can to maintain some tenuous link to their child in the midst everyone telling them how bad they are.

Little Guy used to come back with family sized bags (plural) of candies and cookies after each visit. I put them away for events like his birthday party....at the same time the social workers worked with the family to create options to the candy. They really and truly thought they were being helpful. Candy was their control method for Little Guy. Is that healthy, no, of course not. But everyone has to learn in order to know.

[jill__09]

It sounds like my kid's biomom--she started out with healthy snacks while she was monitored in drug rehab but as she moved on to the t house and then her own place, it has changed to mostly candy and cookies (and these are babies). SW has tried gently talking with her and now she serves broccolli next to the mm's and chips. I think she really does want what is best for her kids but to her that is making them happy with food. Don't give her more credit than she deserves with doing this on purpose--it's probably how she was raised and she doesn't really think it is that bad for them.

As far as the ADHD--get a note from the dr. on what the child should be allowed to eat. If she doesn't follow it then this may be grounds for endangering the child and visits would have to be strictly monitored. Some people don't react until they are hit over the head with reality.

For your sanity, don't take it personally--remember where she came from and that her children were removed from her--she may be very limited in her ability to parent.

[thelowlanders]

I agree that they're their kids and they can feed them whatever they want. Absolutely. And out of respect for their family preferences, perhaps we should only eat what their family prefers on visit days

Oh, the visits aren't going as smoothly as they used to? They're all hyped up, fidgety, and seem to have a sugar crash towards the end? Huh, wierd....

I know I may not sound so nice on this subject but after almost a year straight of cleaning up the diarreah and vomit on a weekly or more basis with 2 well meaning mothers of their children at visits, I'm all done being super nice. If the CWs won't help, then we'll just use natural consequences.

Another fun one is teaching toddlers about healthy food vs junk food. What healthy food does to your body and ...EWWW...what junk food does for your body. It was rather funny to hear how our 2 yr old FD went to visit and was horrified that her Mommy had given her **gasp** junk food. She apparantly frowned, yelled "this is junk food! Not good for my body!" and proceeded to throw the junk in the garbage. LOL I taught her well It lasted her for a while until the SW brainwashed her back in to eating junk, due to it being the only means her Mommy could coerse her to come anywhere near her.