[StephanieMB]

When we first got these kids, the girls were close and protective of each other. Then they went home for 3 weeks. The mom doesn't like the younger girl and really makes it obvious. Statements like "R isn't cute, why do people say she's cute?" and "Look at that face! She isn't cute at all." or "L is pretty but not R." (all made while L and R are standing right there!!) Gifts or lots of clothes are purchased for the older one but not the younger one. The younger one is plainly ignored.

So now that the kids are back, the older girl is outright hateful to her sister! I am constantly on her for something ugly she said or did. Yesterday for instance, I was going to run to the grocery store for a minute while dh was home, L asked to go with me and since R wasn't around I said okay. She immediately found her sister and proceeded to make a huge deal about her getting to go but R has to stay, which made R cry. I told her how mean that was to hurt her little sister and do something to make her sad on purpose. As discipline, L had to stay home this time, and I took R instead. That really threw her for a loop! She's not used to seeing someone stand up for R!

Am I on the right track? What would you suggest I do to help restore a bond between sisters?

[chevyjewel]

I think the punishment was spot on.

I would suggest enrolling them in some sort of activity together. Like dance or swimming lessons, sports, arts and craft classes you can attend for cheap via your local rec books.

They need to do things together to help them bond. The more constructive the activity is the easier it will be for them to get used to spending time together without butting heads and it'll help them see that more than just you will not tolerate unsportsmanlike conduct from anyone on a "team" of sorts.

Best of luck.

[craftingmama]

does the social worker know what is going on with the mom saying such hateful things? they need to know about it, imo. that's verbal and emotional abuse, imo.

[StephanieMB]

Originally Posted by craftingmama

does the social worker know what is going on with the mom saying such hateful things? they need to know about it, imo. that's verbal and emotional abuse, imo.

Yes, they are aware of it and one of the reasons the kids aren't with her anymore.

[craftingmama]

but t hey are allowing her to continue the behavior at visits. that doesn't seem right.

[StephanieMB]

Originally Posted by craftingmama

but t hey are allowing her to continue the behavior at visits. that doesn't seem right.

I know... it bugs us all, but the caseworker told me that verbal abuse isn't illegal in our state!? Extremely frustrating and like I pointed out to the cw, verbal/emotional abuse makes just as many wounds... you just can't see them like a bruise or broken bone.

[4cats2kids]

Quick run don't walk to therapy on this one. My mother did this to me and my siblings and in our 40's+ there is barley a relationship.

[4cats2kids]

Quick run don't walk to therapy on this one. My mother did this to me and my siblings and in our 40's+ there is barley a relationship.

[4cats2kids]

Quick run don't walk to therapy on this one. My mother did this to me and my siblings and in our 40's+ there is barley a relationship.

[4cats2kids]

Quick run don't walk to therapy on this one. My mother did this to me and my siblings and in our 40's+ there is barley a relationship.

[thelowlanders]

Go up the line of command about the visits. Alot of unacceptable things went on in our FD's visits for months. We were told there was nothing to be done. But when by chance another supervisor filled in during the holidays, they were appalled by what was going on. The CW supervisor was contacted, and on up the line. The problem was addressed quickly. Don't be afraid to contact supervisors, directors, etc.