[ginny71]

Hello,
I met two siblings in foster care when one was 2 years old and the other was about 6 months old. In the most recent three and a half years, they're birth parents parental rights have been terminated, and two foster-adopt placements have failed. My husband and I applied to be their foster-adopt parents, and after about 6 months of multiple visits with the children, applications, and bureaucratic insanity, the agency (Weld County, Colorado) has decided that they would like us to adopt other children they have available. Weld has decided that these children are too "damaged" to be adopted in the foreseeable future.
We, obviously, are heart-broken. But more importantly, what do we do now to try to explain the situation to these young children. We don't think it's right to just disappear from their lives with no explanation.
Any suggestions?
thanks

[CaddoRose]

All I can suggest is to have a real sit-down with the agency and get a firm explanation as to why you would not be able to parent them and provide the therapy these "damaged" children need.It seems odd that the agency would allow the visits and this much time to be invested and then all of a sudden decide that the children are not adoptable. What happened that caused them to decide this? You deserve a reasonable explanation.

[ANNWILL]

What do they consider "damaged"? My gosh the two children that we are considering to adopt the foster parents that they were living with the kids thought that they were going to adopt them but found out that they weren't. They were devastated and now they are looking at us- and we have them for 2 weeks

[henderfive]

I would look into this, I have never heard of such a thing.
Did the other two families have contact with the children also. Maybe you can get some info from them. In the 6 mo. have you seen anything that causes concern to you and hubby that might be a problem? Are you allowed to have any info from Dr.'s or therapyist?

Henderfive

[Boulderbabe]

Do you know who I would ask about this? People at the Adoption Exchange in Denver. They're a really terrific agency that helps people who want to adopt from the public system. They might be able to talk to the Weld County workers and see what's really going on, and then help talk you through this sticky situation.

Adoption Exchange: (303) 755-4756

[ginny71]

I will definitely try that! We've tried everything internally to Weld County, but an outside perspective would be fabulous. I will call first thing Monday!

[jp4ga]

We had a very similar situation 2 years ago. The boys were 2 and 5 when they came to live with us. They left our home when they were 3 and 6. We wanted to adopted them, but were told that they were too damaged to be adopted.

The boys had wittnessed a violent crime against a family member and a police standoff. The 2 year old did not remember the incident, but the 5 year old would act it out at times. We had to be careful and watch him to make sure he did not hurt his brother. We suggessted that we adopt the 2 year old, since he was not defined as damaged. We agreed that we would continue to foster the 5 year old with hopes to adopt. We were told NO.

The boys were removed from our home, seperated and now are 5 and 9 and continue to live in foster care. They have now both been labeled "unadoptable" by the state of Georgia. The 9 year old gets a new foster home every 2 to 3 months, because of his behavior. The 5 year old is adjusting, and has only had 2 homes since he was at ours. We get to see him at church, his foster parents want to adopt him and she was told NO.

I don't get it. What are we doing to these kids.

[millie58]

OMG!!! WTH!! Go to the media. I was told while taking MAPP classes, that the goal is for ALL foster kids to be adopted. My cousin who works in a group home, said the state wants kids out of group homes, into foster, then adoptive homes. How can these kids be that damaged??