[ATXMOM]

I just thought I would write to say that we lost our first foster babies about two weeks ago. They were new born twins. They were 95% sure we were going to be able to adopt them when they brought them to us. But mom went to rehab and within 6 weeks they went back to her. They now live with her in rehab. I miss them terribly and I constantly worry about them. This job is hard on my heart. I went to the agency begging for another child and they ended up calling me with a respit care kid. He got here two days ago. He is very well behaved with only the problem I have asked for help on in another thread. So far I have had three foster children and I have fallen in love with all of them. I would adopt my little respit boy, but some family members have shown up from another state and are having a HS done right now.

[mommacass]

Make sure they know that if the twins come back into care you want them back.

MommaCass

[calimomX3]

I feel your pain we had a baby girl placed with us at 1 day old and told us that we could most likely adopt her. 2 months later I was handing her over to the maternal grandma. Broke our hearts an we are still waiting for another placement.

[JSAUNTIE]

ATX mom I was reading your story and it brought to mind the little boy twin that died in TX it is soooo sad. I will pray for the mother to do what is best for her babies.

[CaddoRose]

My heart goes out to you. Do what MammaCass says: let the CW know if they come back into care, you want them again. Chances are, they will be back. Usually, six weeks in rehab doesn't cut it.

[JJemail1]

I'm so sorry txmom,

We, too, raised a newborn through 6 months and then out of the blue, after only one 1-hour visit with his mom, a judge ruled to place him with her in rehab. We never got to see or hear about him again. Heartbreaking.

Time heals but the love never fades. Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone and your forever child will come. Ours did about a year ago and we're a couple of months away from finalizing an adoption. It was hard to continue to foster but we are now so glad we did. (Hope this helps in some way.)

Best wishes,
Jennifer

[ATXMOM]

It does help, thank you. It has been a difficult decision for us to keep fostering too. I have watched my foster parent friends get their hearts broke time after time. It makes me so nervous. I hope our forever child gets here quickly. I am just so worried that the state is going to give them all back and we will never be able to complete our family.

[forensicmary]

I am just starting the homestudy process. My husband is very open to adoption but we have to foster to adopt in Ohio. I am a nurse and have had foster children in home care. I have seen kids go back to cocaine moms and other very sad situations. I know that the goal is reunification and pray that I do not get my heart broken. I am afraid it will turn my husband off to adoption to go through that too often.

[jp4ga]

Foster to adopt is a very hard process. You may want to tell your SW that you really only want to foster children who's parents rights have been terminated or "close" to being terminiated, ie... have done nothing on case plan for 6 months or so. You will fall in love with every child you foster, and it will break your heart every time they have to leave.

This is one reason we left the Foster to Adopt program and did an out of state adoption.

[5BoysMom]

I can sympathize with you, but you really do have to ask yourself if fostering is right for you, the goal is almost always reunification with the parent, no matter what, in most cases. My first child was in fostercare for 4 years before we were able to adopt him. Now I have my baby that I have had since he was 2 months old, he is now 3 YEARS old and we are losing him. His mother was 15 when she had him, so the system basically gave her time to mature and now gave her a clean slate and only 5 visits to prove herself, we are devistated. We filled for TPR in August, but now they dont want to go to trial since she is finally doing all of her stuff. So there are never any guarentee's with this job.

[chevyjewel]

We lost a set of foster twin girls we got as newborns (well almost as newborns, they spent three weeks in the NICU before they could come home to us) after fostering them for nearly 6 months (estranged cousin of some sort came out of the woodwork last minute). They were our first placements and when they left it literally felt as if my heart had broken.

It does hurt. Something fierce. And although it was hard we reminded ourselves for whatever reason God didn't intend for us to raise those girls. That there was another child out there meant for us and we had to perservere to get to him/her/them. Also, another foster mom I knew that also lost fostered twins mentioned, at least they have each other. They'll always have each other. That helped ease my mind a bit, I hope it eases yours some too.


HUGE ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to you.

[ATXMOM]

Well, to update this, we have been through 3 sets of foster kids now. We currently have two girls 16 mo. and 11 years old, sisters. The twins did come up for adoption, but we had three foster kids at the time plus our one bio. I knew the fosters were going to be with us for several more months, and I could not handle 6 month old twins also. It was a hard decision, but we felt like if it was meant to be, it wouldn't have been a hard decision. So the twins are being adopted by another family. After the twins we did respite for a 4 year old boy who also came up for adoption while at our house. He was too old for us, but he went into a wonderful adoptive home. Then we had this sibling set of three, two girls and a boy. The 5 year old boy eventually went to go live with his real dad, which was a really good thing. His dad is a great man. Now we have the two girls. The 11 year old should be going to live with a grandma soon which just leaves us with the baby. So we may get to adopt her, and that is exactly what we wanted. A baby girl. It will be really cool if it works out that way. We'll just have to see. You know how the system is. But my point to all who have been through this is, you never know if they will be back, and when they leave there are more around the corner, and the all need love.

[ATXMOM]

Originally Posted by ATXMOM

The 5 year old boy eventually went to go live with his real dad, which was a really good thing. .

Sorry, I ment bio Dad. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I just wasn't paying attention. I'm not sure how to go back and edit it, so I'll just leave this note. Sorry!

[forensicmary]

I am glad things are working out for you ATXMOM.

I am struggling with whether to go to adoption classes alone next week. My husband can only go to one class due to his travel and work schedule. It feels like I will never get finished with the process. I am concerned about the process and my family. I have always felt called to adopt but I think my husband would be just as content not to adopt. We have done very well with our children and he fears the unknowns with the child that needs adoption.