[Alaskana]

We have two bio sons ages 2 and 4. We are about to foster a girl "A" who is 5. Her mom signed relinquishment papers and dad has never been in the picture and we're not even sure mom knew 100% who the father was. We've explained to our sons that we're going to share our family with "A" because her mom didn't take care of her the way kids are supposed to be taken care of.

The other day when we were discussing "A's" impending arrival my son said that she was coming to live with us "because her mom and dad didn't like her." Where he got that from, I have no idea, but I certainly don't want him saying that to her.

So, how have you explained foster kids to your younger biokids? Please keep in mind our goal is adoption.

Thanks!

[jbee]

we have dd 5 and dd3, adopted fs2. we just tell them like you did, these kids are going to stay awhile because their mom and dad can't take care of them right now and they need somebody to do it for them.
when we adopted ds we just told them the judge decided we could keep him because his other mom wasn't going to be able to take care of him. she is only 18 too, so we told dds she was too young and not ready to, and that since he had been with us so long we should keep him.
the older fs (17 and 18) my kids could really care less about. i think the age difference is so great it is easier for them to accept the boys will move out when they're older. they could dissapear tomorrow and they would just be like, 'oh, ok, they just moved'.
i tried not to say the bio mom messed up and didn't take care of him, just that she couldn't. cause someday they might tell ds his other mom was a screw up.

[ranoutofnames]

Younger children certainly have an interesting way of interpretting very grown up and complex situations... even we as adults have a hard time understanding why.

I usually explain it much the same way and then spend time afterwards re-educating as they get older or state things that aren't accurate.

Unfortunately we even have adults who just don't get it. My grandmother (who's 80something) is constantly saying "why didn't their parents want them" when it comes to my foster/adopted children. I always feel like responding just as awfully with "Why is it that you've had 3 husband die to get away from you."

[Alaskana]

Thanks for your advice, and witty commentary!!