[arubagirl]

Just wondering if anyone sends gifts to the foster childs parents for holidays? I send little gifts , cards, and pictures... for mothers day my Fd signed a card and i got a candle for her mom. I send pictures every month or so. I figured if my child was taken aways I would love to get little things that reminded me of them. but when I spoke to another Foster mom she said no way..... ???

[MamaTo6]

I used to send babes hand or foot prints and a card or something else small. A framed pic of babe, candle or nice soaps. I would never miss a holiday.

[ECDGA]

For the first year of holidays I did gifts for each one. However, this second year I must admit that I have not. I use to give monthly pictures but after 20 months of them not bringing even a disposable camera to take pictures I have stopped that as well. Not in a vindictive way but more in a defeated way.

[lvmykidz]

For Mother's Day I sent 9mth old bio's mom some lotion and a card where we put her footprint on.
I've always sent this mom pictures, candy on valentines day, etc. I feel more for this mom because she has mental health issues...never has missed a visit, bring her own camera to visits, etc. She sends diapers each visit and clothes too. She's really doing all she can.
Our other FD we just rec'd about a month ago. She's been in care for 2 years with another year granted by the judge for parents to get it together. Mom is still doing nothing on her caseplan. I haven't yet sent anything to her and am leaning to not doing as much --perhaps just updated pics.

[MamaTo6]

ECDGA I so understand what you are saying. Infact Iunderstand what each of you mean.

Since birth til age 3 1/2 I gave bmom pics, gifts etc. For the last 6 months I have not given her any pics at all.

My sons mother is also a relative of mine and I see her all the time. Recently she asked my son who is 4 to "make sure mommy takes a pic of you at T Ball so I can have a copy."

Ummm T ball is played at a park within walking distance to her house. We have invited her to come and cheer at the games. IMO she can walk to the park and take her own pictures.

Also last Christmas we were invited to her house to have a visit and exchange gifts. While we were there, she took 2 pictures from her camera. One of them were of her 2 children she is parenting and one of them was the 3 kids playing on the floor with my sons back to the camera. She never asked for copies of my pics.

Last month was my sons 4th birthday. D was invited along with her kids. I personally invited her and sent an invitation in the mail. The invitation had the date, place and time of the party. She showed up FIVE minutes beofre the party was over and DIDN'T bring a camera. Also she has never asked for pics from his party either.

This is not because she is uncomfortable or feels 'weird' being the original mother. We see D atleast 4 times a week and she is fine. We love D but if she cant be bothered, then neither can I.

For Mothers Day, I did buy a store bought card this time, no gift. I will ask Mikey to colour her a picture or something to go along with it. I would never miss a holiday, more for Mikeys sake than hers or mine, but I have given up going all out. A few weeks ago I mentioined that she could compare Mikeys hand prints over the years with each card we have made for her. She sheepishly told me that she doesn't keep her cards from anybody. Needless to say I am done making her beautiful crafty hand print cards.

[ECDGA]

mama to 6--what you said so sums it up for me--if she can't be bothered why should I. It is heartbreaking for me to watch all of this unfold. I care for my fs's parents and I have wanted them to succeed but my patience is wearing thin. I use to go all out with gifts--I even felt a little maternal with them, even though they are only about 5 years younger than me! How sad it is when these parents choose not to be a part of their children's lives. Happy Mother's Day to all!

[ECDGA]

I might add that I did have Christmas gifts for both parents, including something for Dad's girlfriend and her three children. When both sets of parents CANCELLED their visit with my foster son right before Christmas I think my heart broke and then hardened. I had chosen these gifts so carefully, especially for the children, as they live in a motel room. I so wanted them to have Christmas cheer.

[tylind23]

I was unsure of what to do this Mother's Day since I've only had Skater for a month. I pretty much just left it up to him. I asked him a few different times if he wanted to get his mom a Mother's Day gift and he said no. I bought a card and I'll see if he wants to sign it before his next visit. Part of me feels bad for not getting her anything, but I figure if he doesn't want to do anything, then that's his choice.

[ALfostermom]

i have always done for my childrens bp. but i do it for the kids not the parents. my 4yr old and 2 yr old were so excited to take their handprint cards and framed pictures from olan mills to thier mommy this week. It's strictly for the kids, because regardless what these people have done or haven't done it is the kids mom and dad and they do love them. So until tpr is accomplished i will always let the kids 'do' for their parents. it doesn't have to be expensive, the kids can make it and they are just as happy to give it to their mommys.