[Panda13]

Hi all! Our newest foster to adopt son is adorable, and 4 weeks old today! We took him home from the hospital and love him already. We have since found out that he is not caucasian like we are, but has some mix of another race, probably black but who knows? We have some members of our family that may have difficulty with this based on prior comments. He's gradually "tanning" and we are getting comments out and about regarding his nationality. Anyone have any advice on how/if to tell family members who are far away and aren't watching the transition? We thought maybe pictures would tell the story but didn't know if that would be a "cop-out" Also, any advice on raising a biracial son? We want to do what is best for him, but what does that mean? We have some friends of varying nationalities, but not many as we tend to be "loners" Thanks so much for your help!

[musemoon]

I think that it is really important to discuss your foster child's ethnicity with your family especially since this is a foster/adoption situation. If it is only a foster situation and the child will be reunified before he is old enough to understand then maybe it is not as pressing an issue, but since there is a chance you will adopt your fson it is really important that you get your family on board now.

If they have problems with race, give them lots of time (ie, his infancy) to "get over it" if they chose not to get over it and continue to make inappropriate comments, and you do adopt him, think about how important they are to your lives, because.....here's the bottom line.

No matter what his true ethnic identity is, HE MUST BE PROUD OF IT!!!! He must be raised to be glad, and proud of his skin color, his hair, his heritage. Even if you don't really know, embrace the possible ethnicities he may be mixed with and if you get a chance to find out....then do. But most of all LOVE and help him LOVE whatever race or mix of races he is.

My daughter is black and Latino or Black and CC depending on who her "real" father is, but that being said, I am raising her as a Black, Latino, Caucasian simply because those are her possible mixes and I know her mom is black and I am CC so at least her family is "Black (bio) and CC (adopted)" but to possibly deny and/or not discuss the ethnicity of a child teaches them to be ashamed of it, and that is not healthy so....tell um now....My child is mixed race....weeee hooooo!

[Withay]

Very well said, Musemoon.

[Panda13]

Thanks so much-she's beautiful, and you are right, he's going to have to love his heritage. I worry more about how he'll accept the other parts, the "invisible" pieces. Let's face it, it is hard to know how to share and tell where a child has come from beyond just color! Thanks so much!

[musemoon]

Good luck :-) And congrats on your wonderful little boy :-) Just keep looking at what's around you and the diversity you see, if it fits what you believe your son's ethnicity might be, make sure he feels awesome being included in it (ie, MLK day, Latino festivals, AA festivals, books, special foods from an array of ethnicities).

Have fun!

[Pee2905]

Congratulations, look past his colour. How important is that really, he needs love, care nurture, and then as more information is available to you then research the heritage and embrace it. Let him feel you stand and be proud and he will follow.

[allGodschildren]

I love taking all of my children out! I'm caucasian, husband is black, three bio children, obviously mixed. Then add our foster sons who are caucasian. The funny thing is that my bios are 12, 10 and 6. FS are 7 and 5. Sure we could have a blended family...the FS look very much like me. But what about the 6 year old that I actually gave birth to! Oh, I don't forget my niece (10) who is often with us. And those we keep for respite often...you never know!

It's very interesting to sit back and watch people try to figure it out. We share lots of laughs between us! We are all very comfortable with who we are in Christ. It really matter not what others think (or don't think!)

Anyway, people who have problems with others because of their race are just ignorant people. Love that baby with all your heart and he'll grow up to comfortable in whatever skin he is in.

After all...we are all God's children!

[circap]

It is funny at times to see people trying to figure it out..we had two babies at one time and everyone wanted to know if they were twins (they were 3 months difference in age).
I actually had one girl at the store ask me so "you had one 3 months later?" my DH and I just looked at one another and shook our heads...she was so serious.

[momagain5]

hi,has his cw or anyone else involved said he may be another race than cc?you cant just assume,some children are darker ,in my family,and that comes from native ancestry,generations back.alot of cc have variations of skin tone.try to get more info,and if you reaaly want to know i think their are tests that can be done to tell what other ethnic groups hes related to.and if hes biracial ,just embrace that is part of him.

[jbee]

we have two bio dds, one has dark straight hair and one curly blond. then we have adopted fs who is black and white. then we have a teenaged fs who is asian, and another teenager that is white. people look at us like we are nuts. and the teenagers are only about 10 years younger than us, so i don't know what they think about that, lol

[BethanyB]

If he is fost/adopt you need to tell your family NOW! LOL! As soon as possible. Just tell them the truth. That they suspect he is not totally CC and that he may be partly AA. Then try to gauge their reaction. If it's really bad where racist words are involved I would do one of two things...let the SW know that the baby needs to go to another home OR tell your family that this baby will come before him and if they can't love him for who he is and not refrain from saying innapropriate things about any race then you can't be in their lives anymore. For some people that is very hard to do but the child needs to come first.

Good luck!

[ATXMOM]

I had biracial twins that we thought we were going to be able to adopt and in my research of biracial children I came across this video on youtube. It is so very cute. You must watch it. Their are so many opinions on this matter, but the one thing everyone seams to agree on is that biracial kids are GORGEOUS!!! It is titled "It's Good To Be Mixed".
YouTube - It's Good to Be Mixed

[mamae]

also still thinking on how to deal with mine when it is time....

There is tons of racism on my family.... My grandma already said she want no black in the family and my brother also told me he want nothing to do with a black child, but I can adopt a blond kid if I want.

Well... it is sad.... And I cant make them change, or accept me in their house....

The most I could resolve of this situation is stating that on MY house, all my kids will be treated equally (fair manner) and with respect. If you cannot accept this simple rule, dont come over...

[eyejustam]

Anyone who doesn't accept my children, no matter what their race or color of their skin, can forget about us. Because I will forget about them. Children are not born with predudice, hate and fear. They learn it. Enough said.