[Kitnicki]

Okay, so my husband and I became foster parents on
11-20-07. We got our first placement a FS-age 2 almost 3 on 12-14-07. We have to give him to this grandfather this Wednesday 1-23-08. My husband and I are both heartsick. We love this little boy like our own. We have no kids of our own. My question is: how do you get over the loss and does it get any easier with each child? I really need some advice. I am in so much pain!

[waitingtobeamom]

We are dreading the day we have to send our first placement back home, too!!! We just keep telling ourselves that we made a difference in their lives while they were with us!!! We sure hope it gets easier. Hang in there!

[ANNWILL]

I may not be the one to say this but we are on our second placement and 3 months ago we had to give her back to her mother after having her for 4-1/2 years. It hurts so much. you could read my post "my little lost baby" and you will understand where I'm coming from. But it's not over-we're still fighting the system

[Kitnicki]

Annwill, I read your threads and to be perfectly honest with you, I would be a BASKETCASE if I were in your shoes. I would deffiantly need lots of theropy. I feel so bad for you and your family.

My family said that its hard on them as well, because they become attached to the child as well. I would not trade the time I had with little K for anything in the world though.

Tomorrow is the day that I have to let him go. It will be hard but I will be okay with God's help.

[ANNWILL]

I think that's what keeps me going-GOD. Something about this little one I just have to keep fighting for her. If she was going into a good home maybe I wouldn't be like this but knowing she's with a wacko....this is MY little girl- I raised her from a baby-she doesn't deserve any of this-NONE of this

[JessicaBaker]

To me, it's just so important to keep my expectations on reunification. So far it's pretty much worked for me. However, we were totally blessed to be able to adopt our first placement. To me that makes a difference. Going from children in the home to no children would be a very sad adjustment.

Just keep telling yourself that they're only with you for awhile, and sooner or later some will come who will stay forever.

[ANNWILL]

It's pretty hard especailly when everyone tells you things are going the right way and then it's really hard when this person is in your home for a long time-like ours- 4-1/2 years

[ranoutofnames]

The first one's to leave were some of the hardest for us.

I wish I could say it gets easier, because for some people they just grieve considerably with every child that leaves.

As for me, there are some kids I truly miss and there are others that I have to admit it was time they left... such is life.

[Kitnicki]

Today is a little better than yesterday so far. I went in his room last night and cried my eyes out. This is like a death in a lot of ways. You mourn them. I am anxiously awaiting another call! I know it won't replace him but it will help to mother a new one. I hope to have my forever child one day soon. God bless you all.

[chickieboom]

By knowing you made a difference in the life of an innocent child. No, you couldn't protect them forever, but when they were in your life you were there 100 per cent.

No child belongs to anyone; no parent can ever think that their child will be there in their life the next day. We are lucky as foster parents to be faced with that fact so we can love them 110 percent and know that we are lucky to have them when we have them.

Sorry, not trying to diminish your pain; it is terribly sad; but your actions do make a difference.

[Kitnicki]

I am doing much better today. I am very impatient for the phone to ring with another child though. One of my greatest joys is having a child in the home, it just seems to liven and brighten things up so much!

When I said "forever child" I meant one that I could adopt and not have to worry about giving back to a parent of relative. I know that our ultimate goal is to reunite these kids with their parents but that is not always possible in which case we want to adopt.

So, I am anxiously awaiting a phone call and I will keep praying for the one that went home. Take care, all.

[athikers]

We also had a very hard time when our first placement left after 7 1/2 months. I very much feel like my son and daughter died. Even now. We will have a very very hard time if either of our babies leave. VERY! They have been with us most of their lives and we love them as our own. We have been through many trials with both babies, which has made us even MORE bonded with them. We did not have a hard time when Big Sis left, we were ready. She was a great, loveable kid, but her needs along with her brother's needs (Teeter) were just too much for our family. Thankfully, she was able to go to her grandma's with her older brother where she is loved and happy and doing fairly well.

[HOPE4U]

}}Hugs{{ Know that you did a good thing. You gave a child love and stability when the were not geting it elsewhere.
I've had to give 4 children back to family members...it is heartbreaking. I spend the first few days crying, reminding myself that I loved that child with all my heart while I could, and that it will make a difference in that childs life.
My 8 yr old daughter said to me after our last baby left, which we thought we would be adopting, "We should do it again- I asked Why? When it hurts so bad? - she said that the love you get from the children when they are with us makes all the hurt worth it."

My husband and I are not so sure...we have not taken in any more, and are about to adopt a child through a private adoption- we were successful with our second daughter and her adoption was final last year, after 18 months of fostering her and dealing with all of that.

I honestly would foster over and over...my husband on the other hand is broken hearted - I have to respect that, someday he may be ready to help again.

Good luck and I hope you find Peace in your heart knowing you have done a wonderful thing.

[lightlove]

oh, I am so sorry. I am not a foster parent, but came here because I am considering it. I do not know how you feel, but I have known my share of pain.

It seems to me that this is a loss that has to be grieved. This pain is nothing to ignore, shy away from, or escape. It's there because you are a caring human being. It is there because you are in touch with your heart. The hardest thing to do is to stay still within the pain, but this is what makes us compassionate beings. Wanting what we do not have ....this is pain we all share.
Feel it fully, and when you are ready, you will move through it.


Please accept my sincerest thoughts for healing.

[Kitnicki]

With much, much prayer, my husband and I have decided not to foster any longer. We are going to adopt through our state instead. We had another placement and they went home and I just realized that this is not for me. I get too attached and then my heart breaks. I wish you all the best and I will keep you posted when we become parents!