[ANNWILL]

I haven't written in a long time but here is my story-while I'm writing it, I just want to cry-I'm so tired of crying but that's all I do. We got a beautiful 3 mo. old girl in 2003 (she was abused). Mom and dad were not married-to make things short-mom spent 101 days in jail for child endangerment and plus she couldn't post bail-dad got 1 day. She also had 2 other older children whom the grandmother took-3 was too much for her. After she got out, she had visits but during them she paid more attention to her other two. While we were waiting for the magistrates decision for tpr which he took 360 days, mom got pregnant again but by someone else. Time came and the magistrate decided to give CSB tpr. Next was the judges decision-the magistrate knew he did wrong so he gave mom extra vists hoping they would bond-WRONG! But mom says yes-all they were were play dates for her. Well the judge granted tpr-HOORAY but of course she appealed. Next the appeals court got it and reversed the decision because they believed her rights were violated-just because she had numerous laywers-hey she had a brain and a mouth so why should this child be penalized for it? So now it went back to the judge-mom says she wanted visits and she kept calling-LIE-and now the judge wants her to go back to her mom-She's having visits again and was told that she was her mom-so she calls her mommy-well of course she was told that so that's what she does. Now shes telling her shes going to live with her-this little girl doesnt understand-she believes that shes coming home-that's why she doesnt get upset at the visits. Now this weekend she's going to start having overnight visits-I feel CSB is giving up on this little girl-we've told them how shes withdrawn, clingy and misses her mommy (me) but they wont do anything but give her back-I can't go on without her-I can't have children and she filled that hole in my heart so much and now it's broken again

[Sam-N-Tony]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. The best you can do is be there for her for the time being. Have you written a letter directly to the judge, and cc'd the GAL, and CW.

Hang in there.

[chevyjewel]

My heart just hurts for you, I can feel the pain in your post

I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, I truely hope someone will step up and realize your home is where she belongs.

[Luvbeingmommy]

Has she been with you for 4 years? And now they are transitioning home? I am so sorry for your pain. And especially for hers, she has no way of understanding what is happening. You all are in my prayers.

[momagain5]

hi,I WOULD CONTACT A ATTORNEY ASAP,TO SEE WHAT YOUR RIGHTS ARE.THIS CHILD HAS BEEN WITH YOU MOST OF HER LIFE,AND IS BONDED AND ATTACHED TO YOU.TO MOVE THIS CHILD NOW,WILL BE HARMFUL FOR HER.DONT GIVE UP,FIGHT FOR HER ,SOMEONE NEEDS TO.

[ANNWILL]

Thank you all for all the support. We do have an attorney but as you know we are allowed to do so much being foster parents. Like we told our caseworker-we got suckered into this because we cannot afford private adoptions and being on the just adoption list was getting nowhere. All we do is pray for a miracle-it's got to happen I can't believe the God would let this little girl leave after 4-1/2 years-as a baby ok but not now

[JJemail1]

AnnWill,

My heart goes out to you.

Have you had a bonding assessment done? I would ask the caseworker about that possibility. In NJ (where I am), when a child has been in care for as long as your little one has, they conduct a bonding assessment between the child and fosters parents, and then another assessment between the child and mother. The assessment is done by a psychologist, who compares the assessments and reports back his/her findings to the caseworker for presentation in court. These findings can be presented as evidence to the judge to substantiate the child's bond with you and that (in NJ legal jargon) "more harm than good" will be done if the child is reunified.

You might also request that a psychological evalution on bio mom be conducted to determine her fitness as parents and long-term outlook. (Use your own discretion here.)

Finally, does your state offer mediation, conferences, or intervention? I would Google those terms and your state's name to learn the answer. If you are allowed to intervene, you could file your own petition for guardianship.

I imagine you've already explored many, if not, all, of these options but just thought I'd throw them out there in the event you hadn't.

Please keep fighting. You've invested too much not to.

[ANNWILL]

Right now we are in mediations for the transition. As for the psychologist, I asked Childrens Services for one this time since they screwed it up the last time. My lawyer asked me Friday about it and I said what psychologist? They haven't been doing anything! So is going to get in touch with them. Like we told her our little one thinks of these visits as "play dates" cause she knows shes coming home.

[EZ2Luv]

My prayers are going out to you. My heart breaks when I hear these stories. I wish it was possible for a judge to just ask the children where they want to go and really listen to them. I know your heart is breaking, imagine how frightened this little girl is going to be having to leave the only safe, secure and loving home she has ever knon.
While I am all for birthparents having rights, I get so angry when clearly their rights win over what is really best for the child. Grrr!!
As an adoptee place with my aparents at 3 months old, I cannot inagine how traumatized I would have been if taken away from them, no matter who I was to go live with.

Again, please know that you are in my prayers.

EZ

[JJemail1]

ANNWILL,

I couldn't stop thinking about your circumstance and did a little research to gain some insight into Ohio law and see if there's a plausible argument you could present to the agency. I think there is.

I think you said that the last court ruling agreed that bio mom's rights were violated. However, I think that as a result of that ruling, your child's rights are now being violated.

I would ask your attorney to consider the following arguments:

First:
Your child's rights as outlined in "Children's Rights: The Rights of Children and Their Families Who Need or are Receiving Community Services: A Publication of the Ohio Legal Rights Service (OLRS) June 2006" (Children's Rights - The Rights of Children and Their Families Who Need or are Receiving Community Services) are being infringed upon.

Point 1: The "Right to Make Choices" under the "Civil Rights" subsection mandates that "Child-serving agencies must give your child the chance to give an opinion about decisions that affect his or her life. The agency should encourage and support your child to form opinions and to make choices." (Children's Rights - The Rights of Children and Their Families Who Need or are Receiving Community Services)

Since your child is around 4 years old (is that right?), I think it's reasonable that she would have an opinion about who she wants to live with.

Point 2: Your child has the "right to get a second opinion, sometimes called an independent evaluation.
Your child can get an independent evaluation from another doctor or behavioral health professional (a counselor or therapist) about your child's diagnosis, treatment or services [emphasis added by me--foster care is a service]. Your child or family may want a second opinion if you disagree with or have questions about your child's diagnosis, treatment or services." (Children's Rights - The Rights of Children and Their Families Who Need or are Receiving Community Services)

Second (but maybe not as strong)
ASFA (Adoption and Safe Family Act of 1997/accepted by Ohio in 1999 if I'm not mistaken). Ohio's application of ASFA "Requires public child service agency to make reasonable efforts to place child in a timely manner in accordance with permanency plan approved by court and to complete whatever steps are necessary to finalize the permanent placement of the child (5153.16)." (http://www.ncsl.org/statefed/cf/clarify.cfm?stateselect='OH')

I'm wondering if the agency can revisit the reasonable efforts provided to bio mom during the first 22 months of care (ASFA deadline for reasonable efforts prior to a motion for TPR). Mom's inability to visit the child during her jail sentence is her own fault/her own inability to remedy issue resulting in her child being placed--not the fault of the agency. They should re-argue the point.

Third
You might also ask your attourney to review the Ohio supreme court case: Adoption of Ridenour, 61 Ohio St.3d 319, 326-328, 574 N.E.2d 1055, 1062-1063 (Ohio 1991). One New Jersey Judge described the outcome of that case, stating: "the Ohio Supreme Court concluded that the finality of adoption and the establishment of the adoptive family is ultimately in the child's best interest and that the biological family's desire to maintain some relationship must succumb to the paramount need to cement the new family relationship" (http://www.romingerlegal.com/new_jer...6-93.opn.html). There may be something of use from that case that could be applied to yours.

Again, I really feel for you and I'm praying that you get to keep your little one.

Jennifer

[ANNWILL]

Thank you for the information-we have to go to the mediation today and I'll give this info to her-hopefully she'll read it and do something. I also have letters from her school showing how this has affected her this past week-I just pray for a miracle

[jjjjmom]

I just went thru that and the judge told his b-mom that the baby had been in my care for too long and he had bonded with me and and the child could not be frozen in time until she got her act together. Although she seems to have it together now the judge thought it was in AJ's best interest to stay with the family that gave him a home and stability for as long as he remembers.

I pray that the same thing happens to you. I know your pain, I felt the same way, I thought I was going to die if I lost him.

Keep us posted.

[ANNWILL]

Well we went to the meidator yesterday and it is so hard to keep quiet so my husband talks cause he knows what I'd say. JJemail-I talked to everyone about what you wrote but #1-our little one was never granted a lawyer just a guardian ad leim, #2 since mom has custody she wants nothing to with a psychologst, as far as best interest they (CSB and CASA) are appealing the judges decision because she had NOT ONE WORD of what's in the best interest of the child. So right now we have to kiss butt so she just won't hop up and take her away without having a transition period-so right now mom wants her to transition away from us so she'll have her live with her at her friends house and we'll have the visits. GRR!! Since she doesn't believe that how everyone is telling her how aggressive she's been, and how she's telling everyone that she doesn't want to move. I just don't know how much more we can take. My husband asked me how I feel and I started to cry and told him that I lost my baby. And he feels the same. He also told me that we are NOT going to do this again (we'll keep our license up just in case she comes back) and he doesn't want to adopt. I know he's hurting right now so maybe in a few months we'll talk again but we need our time to heal. I still just pray for a miracle to happen. Hopefully this little one will throw fits where mom can't handle her. jjjmom-I wish we had that judge

[ANNWILL]

To let everyone know the latest-we went to th mediator again this week and now mom wants to transition this little one away from us so this week our little girl is staying with her while WE have visits. GRRR! Well our first visit was Wed night and that little girl was NOT the little girl that we raised-mouthy, aggressive, bossy-name it she was it. We almost didnt want to see her yesterday but knowing her mother she would of put something in her head about us so we had the visit and at 11:00 last night we get a phone call-from our little girl-crying hysterical wanting us to come get her, she missed us, etc. It took so much not to go and get her but if her mom wants to play mommy-do it! For one thing you do not let a girl who gets up at 6:00am not get a nap and keep her out till 11:00. GRRR!!! Hoping that this is a sign that this little one is noticing that her "adventure" is boring and she wants us-just pray she calls again this weekend

[JJemail1]

This case just blows my mind and pains me because I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I can't understand how ASFA failed on this one...she should have been freed for adoption 2+ years ago.

Until the "fat lady sings" I would keep a log of your visits and any other interaction (late night phone calls). Notate your fd's behavior at visits, dress, anything odd and address all of these things with the caseworker. The 11pm phone call is inappropriate and an indicator that mom is in over her head--the caseworker needs to know this.

I'm still praying for you....

Jennifer