[Mommytinkerbell]

I am so so so sorry you are having to go thru this. I am praying for your family and I hope things turn out the way you hope. I can't believe they can do this!!! I haven't heard of a child going to bmom after so long. I just am appalled and furious that it's allowed!!!!

I have made it through 2 cases with newborns, we've had 6 (24 total kids/babies but 6 newborns, all drug exposed.) We've adopted 2, after scary cases, esp. my son's where we intervened and won. Got him at birth and signed 2.5 yrs later. We are about to lose our 3rd baby this year, trying for a 3rd to adopt. No luck yet and I don't know how many more I can lose and still try to complete my family (we want 4). I told my dh that if I'd lost these two we ended up keeping that I would have lost it, seriously.

Please know that even though we have losses, there is another baby that is meant for you. Try not to give up. I still have urges to try to find a way to find my baby girl who just was moved. I ache for her and want to run and take her and leave with her. Guess it's good they don't tell me where she is.

Grieve and allow yourself to feel every bit of emotion, esp. the anger. Know that there are babies coming who we are supposed to raise, it's all in God's plan. We just have to trust Him. Please let us know how it turns out. I pray for you to have the strength to get through this and continue to pursue adoption. It's the best thing we ever did. It was very hard but worth it.

I'm so glad for this site and that I am here to hear your stories too because I need support to make it through my next two. I have had strange things happen with caseworkers lately where they lie and change what they said and I'm so tired of it all. I am praying for all of us.

Take care, Selina

[henderfive]

Annwill, I thought one of the conditions of getting your children back is the bio parent has to have a safe home for them to live in. How long is she allowed to live in this shelter? And where does she go from here. Thats probably why she is in the shelter, she has no home for the children and thats the only place where they won't take the children away. How much more does this baby have to go through. This is whats best for her. Give me a break. Keep the faith. Hopefully there is an answer soon.
Henderfive

[ANNWILL]

That's what I want to know. But someone in CASA told me that CSB probally won't take the children because they feel that the kids are not in any danger where they are. To me that's bull crap and too bad we can't bring any of this in court at this time. The only thing they are interested in is the case before all of this happened but when they overturn it then the judge can hear everything. I just feel so bad for our little one. She was so secure here with us. That's ok cause she WILL be back!!!!

[ANNWILL]

Just found out too- I was told that the only way they could take our little one out of that shelter now is if mom abuses her-What a crock!!!! Something has to happen to her? Why? I just don't understand these laws-something has to change!!!

[ANNWILL]

Just found out too- I was told that the only way they could take our little one out of that shelter now is if mom abuses her-What a crock!!!! Something has to happen to her? Why? I just don't understand these laws-something has to change!!!

[JSAUNTIE]

I just checked in on you darlin I am praying so hard for you little girl everyday. If you could at least check in on her yourself I know you would feel better I know I would run to her and hope her bio would see she loves you and wants you and would sign her over to you. I will continue to pray till your little one comes home to you.

[ANNWILL]

If I did see her my heart would just drop. I wouldn't know what to do except cry. I or shall I say we miss her so much and everytime I look at her picture I just keep on telling her pretty soon boogsie pretty soon. God only knows her mother- like I said before all she and her other kids are are property, possessions-that's it. If I only knew where this shelter is but nobody knows. You don't know how much I am so grateful for all of your prayers. To me, the more God receives then he will realize this little girl belongs home with us

[ANNWILL]

Well here's the latest. Found out from another foster parent-while the time our little one was staying in the "hood" she was sleeping on a mattress on the floor with the other two kids. She is also peeing the bed. No wonder. She has been having visits with her half sister and she told her foster parent that they had no food for Thanksgiving so they went and brought food to them. My little baby-what she must be thinking. But like they told us be glad that she is the shelter because she has a bed and food. Her sister told the parent that she got in trouble because she still calls us mommy and daddy. Talked to our lawyer and she said that when csb goes for permanent on the other two then hopefully they will say that she unfit and if so then she is unfit to have our little one too. All I want is for her to come home where she is safe and happy. Plus we cannot do anything legally because they are in the shelter because the law says that since they are safe that's all that matters. It just doesnt seem like the laws don't care about these kids.

[henderfive]

How long is she allowed to stay in the shelter? I really hope something changes and she comes home soon. This mom is so selfish and only cares about whats best for her not her children. Are you allowed to hire someone to watch her and see what she actually is up to? I have thought about that with my baby that was sent to bio mom in January. I know she still does drugs but how can I prove it, other then her testing dirty and Those once a month drug test are a joke. These drug users know exactly how to beat the system. I still pray for you Annhill along with many others that are suffering. Hang in there. I know you are tired of hearing that but you have to keep the faith. She is so lucky to have someone like you fighting for her. Keep us informed. I look forward to your blogs.
Hendefive

[ANNWILL]

Thank you so much for your support and NO I do not get tied to hearing that. All of you talking to me and also my faith is what is keeping me going. I wish I could hire someone to watch her but since she is in a shelter that is a confidential place where only a select few know of. I just wish she would screw up real soon before this little girls' brain becomes .......all I do know is that thank God that she still remembers us and still knows us as mommy and daddy. Just got to keep on praying and keeping positive thoughts

[MommyAlysia]

i just can't believe how they could get away with all of this. my heart is breaking for you. your family will be in my prayers.

[ANNWILL]

Well here it is- got a call-our little one's fathers' lawyer asked for a continuance on the hearing for cops in May which means the date won't be till June-I just can't believe all of this is happening-are we ever going to get her back? God I pray for ehr to. Plys now mom is trying to get a townhouse with section 8-with what money- we do know she gets SSI but come on. Well we still are waiting for the appeals court which of course we still pray everyday everyminute. Something has to happen. Sometimes I feel like I did something in my life for all of this to happen

[EZ2Luv]

I have been following your thread here since the beginning. I am so sorry that you are going through this. We were just talking about this at work(I work as a nurse in an out patient substance abuse clinic) How these judges and CPS keep giving these birthmothers so many chances when they know that all this does is stall things and leave these children in limbo because it is only a question of time that these children end up right back in state care.

I wanted to comment too on the shelter situation when you first brought it up. Many time, too many times, people go into shelter in order to get a section 8. I know here in my state the wait for section 8 takes years, now if a woman and child/children go into a shelter they end up getting a section 8 within a few months and there are so many people that have pulled this off and have gotten not only a section 8 but all other types of help setting up house.
Trust me, I am not by any means say that there are some people that truely are homeless and in need and my heart breaks for them, but working around drug addicts for so many years has taught me alot.

There are certain people that just know how to work and manipulate the system to their benefit no matter what the cost. Sadly, it is almost always at the expense of the innocent children. I have witnessed this type of thing firsthand with a girl who had her children in and out of state care and always managed to get them back despite her substance abuse. I could never understand it until she herself told me that without her childrens she would not be entittled to so many benefits.
As you said in one of your posts, they look at these children as possesions. It isn't that undyng maternal bond, it's how these children can be an asset to their lifestyle.

I certainly have been and will continue to pray for you, I don't know what state you are in, but hopefully it isn't MA.

Oh and about the section 8, if she is on SSI she is all set she will end up in that townhouse. I just pray that she makes the children her priority(I don't know how many she has with her).

EZ

[lightlove]

Sometimes I feel like I did something in my life for all of this to happen

Annwill,
The answer to the above wondering is both yes and no.
Yes, because we are always a part of our path and even if we do not consiously CHOOSE a particular circumstance, we invite all kinds of learning to illuminate our path. And sometimes that learning comes in the MOST difficult and painful of ways. I know. The things that we carry closest to our hearts are the most painful of all possible lessons (our children).
Yes, as a sentient and compassionate being you chose to learn how to love as a life goal. How to BE an example of love for someone else. How to BE the light upon another's path. This is the work of the heart, of God. In this way, yes, you have chosen to learn the hardest lessons, (and this discovery still blows my mind) you have the worst of all pain to bear, but in this, the most powerful opportunity to STAY LOVING. A blessed pain, if ever there was one.

And the answer is NO. You did not choose for this child to be hurt in any way, shape or form. You did not ask for this kind of pain. There is no other like it, I can tell you. But you are here. You are on this path. You can embrace this pain and decide to learn from it, or you can beat yourself up for being here. You decide. This is not about BLAME or the kind of payback people mistake for "karma". It's all learning. There is no judgement.

What is there to learn? What is your task? To stay loving and to keep faith...in yourself, in a higher good, in the ability of things to work out. To not become hard, or stay in the darkness of it all (and I know, there is a lot of darkness here)
To do this, you must stay courageous. Courage does not mean that you are not afraid. It is being afraid and staying with your intention anyway. Unwavering faith.

Life rarely plays out the way we think it will. We have so little control over circumstances but so much power in the big picture....but only over ourselves. How WE deal.

Pain means we are really close to enlightenment. Bless your pain and what it is there to do for you. And bless the relief that will come as you relinquish control over circumstances and develop the faith necessary to find peace.

Sending healing to you and your little one. Breathe!

[ANNWILL]

Thank you so much for all the support all of you are giving me and my husband, especially to our little one. I just off the phone with CASA and they heard that mom got mad at the shelter and left-where would she go-she has nowhere. What this poor little girl is going through. I hate anything to happen to people but something has to happen to this person so we could get her back. She doesn't deserve this. So tonight I'm going to call a source to see what's going on.