[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by JJemail1

KATL,

Your lasr post was morbid, innapropriate and unnecessary. People survive late stage cancer all of the time. To invest time convincing a stranger they are dying baffles me.

I wasn't trying to convince anyone of anything. She called her cancer stage III and then said it spread to her liver (and this is after surgery and chemotherapy treatment). That's not stage III. It's stage IV. And it's not a death sentence IF some people survive. People DO survive. However, a person battling aggressive cancer that is clearly spreading and has a VERY high mortality rate, in addition to battling depression and anxiety and feels traumatized by it, is NOT a candidate for fostering or adopting.

How someone can encourage Annwill to bring a child into her home baffles me. To wish that life on any child is morbid and inappropriate.

[waited2long]

Originally Posted by Kat-L

How someone can encourage Annwill to bring a child into her home baffles me.

I'm also confused about this...

I keep typing things out and going back and deleting it. I just can't seem to wrap my head around this.

[thelowlanders]

I was simply.....asking a question about the foster rules... wow.... Anyway, thanks for some of your examples. As we've all learned I'm sure, the system is not exactly cut and dry on all their rules, time lines, etc. So I understand that each circumstance should be taken carefully.

Annwill- So sorry for your loss of a special member to your family. Best to you and yours as you are strong and set on beating this again. The caseworkers know you and your family and circumstances. I'm sure they can make an accurate decision on future placement of children with your family. And the kids will learn alot about appreciating life and the loved ones around them. Every day is a blessing. Even if it doesn't always seem like it. take care.

[henderfive]

Annwill,
What ever the case may be, KEEP your head held high and stay positive. You and hubby did a wonderful thing for your little lost ANGEL, God smiles upon you and your hubby. If you don't get her back at least you know that she has a good heart because of all the love you gave her. That will not change and if she does come back I think that would be AWSOME. I will not be to popular for that comment but that's o.k. And I'm sure you now just how sick you are and what to expect with your disease, no one needs to tell you.....Please surround yourself with positive people, be honest about what is going on and if the CW knows the situation and trust that you would make a wonderful mother regardless then that's all you need. Enjoy the Holidays a new year is just around the corner!!!!!!
Henderfive

[Kitnicki]

I have read every thread she has posted but she has not logged in in a very long while. I am worried about her. I think that a lot of you don't realize is that this forum is almost like a journal if you will, an outlet for our feelings. People have been much too harsh on her. She is entitled to her feelings and I for one feel privilidged to get to read them. I have been in her shoes and I emphatize with her. Annwill, please let us know how you are and how things are going. You are certainly in my prayers.

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by HOPEFULINPA

I think the point that everyone is trying to make is that you need to stop living your life hoping and praying that little girl is coming back. You will never be able to properly care for another child thinking this way. You need to let her go. And I think you need professional help for that. You seem to be convinced God is bringing her back to you. You are going to be continually disappointed thinking this way.

Poppycock. Children are parented and parented well every single date by parents who have hang ups. They are parented by people mourning the loss of a child through death, through family separations and family displacements. Mourning the loss of a loved one does not stop life....and it doesn't stop our hearts from opening.

Frankly, that kind of thinking just holds foster and adoptive families to unrealistic standards. Somehow we're supposed to give and give and give and give---and by darned we better not ever have tawdry human emotions like anger, sorrow, rage, annoyance, jealousy, hurt.... It all gets back to that "real parent" thing. If her child had been run over by a bus and she was mourning you won't say, "oh, until you give over your anger and sorrow you can't love your other children". Its the same thing. She was this child's parent-mom. Not perfect, and certainly not robot to just hit reset and be perfect parent for the next child. Instead, she's learning hard lessons, and confronting the kind of loss that will make her and her husband better parents-especially foster parents.

There's nothing like knowing what real loss is to help you related to a child who has just lost everything.

[cu1kw]

Originally Posted by ANNWILL

I haven't written in a long time but here is my story-while I'm writing it, I just want to cry-I'm so tired of crying but that's all I do. We got a beautiful 3 mo. old girl in 2003 (she was abused). Mom and dad were not married-to make things short-mom spent 101 days in jail for child endangerment and plus she couldn't post bail-dad got 1 day. She also had 2 other older children whom the grandmother took-3 was too much for her. After she got out, she had visits but during them she paid more attention to her other two. While we were waiting for the magistrates decision for tpr which he took 360 days, mom got pregnant again but by someone else. Time came and the magistrate decided to give CSB tpr. Next was the judges decision-the magistrate knew he did wrong so he gave mom extra vists hoping they would bond-WRONG! But mom says yes-all they were were play dates for her. Well the judge granted tpr-HOORAY but of course she appealed. Next the appeals court got it and reversed the decision because they believed her rights were violated-just because she had numerous laywers-hey she had a brain and a mouth so why should this child be penalized for it? So now it went back to the judge-mom says she wanted visits and she kept calling-LIE-and now the judge wants her to go back to her mom-She's having visits again and was told that she was her mom-so she calls her mommy-well of course she was told that so that's what she does. Now shes telling her shes going to live with her-this little girl doesnt understand-she believes that shes coming home-that's why she doesnt get upset at the visits. Now this weekend she's going to start having overnight visits-I feel CSB is giving up on this little girl-we've told them how shes withdrawn, clingy and misses her mommy (me) but they wont do anything but give her back-I can't go on without her-I can't have children and she filled that hole in my heart so much and now it's broken again

My heart aches for you. Our foster children, age 3 and 1 were just removed by DSS from our home because we hired an attorney for court to present evidence of sexual and physical abuse that DSS withheld from the judge. Now our hearts are aching, and we don't know where to go for help! They have only been gone 4 days.

[henderfive]

How sad you try and make sure all is done to keep these children safe and DSS seems to punish you for it. Why wouldn't they want additional help that they might not have time to get done. The more I hear about DSS I'm convinced they are for the parents first before the children why can't they just be up front about it. How long did you have the children?
Henderfive

[mom2behappy]

have your appealed the removal of your fosterchildren?

[Biblemom]

We were threatened with the removal of our fc b/c we did something similar. Thankfully the area supervisor or state supervisor (not sure which one) intervened. You should be able to find out who your's is by the agency's/state's website. It is hard to do what you know is best for the child knowing the potential backlash. Thank you for looking out for those children. Good luck.

[simplebeauty1]

This one was a doozie!

[EZ2Luv]

"This one was a doozie"

Trust me, there are many "doozies"

EZ