[ANNWILL]

Thank you for your prayers-we already noted to the caseworker the changes in her behavior but they are doing nothing. Today we go to the mediator and we have a feeling that mom is going to take her away-my heart hurts so much-I pray for a miracle!

[ANNWILL]

Well guess what? We've lost her.... this is our last day with this little girl. It is hurting my heart so much. Last night we find out that mom doesn't want us to see her anymore so this is it- everyone is telling us to go to the media with this story-what else do we have to lose-we've already lost what we wanted

[ANNWILL]

Well it's official- we lost our baby. We went to mediation last night and tonight is our last visit with our little girl. At first mom didnt want to give us tonight. Even though the appeal has been filed, right now theres nothing we can do. So as of next Friday, she'll be going to Philadelphia. My heart hurts so much.I don't know what to do. I called my lawyer so I'm waiting to hear from her. My whole life is so turned upside down-how do I go on? Is it wrong to want to be a mommy- that's all I ever wanted

[JJemail1]

ANNWILL,

I'm so sorry to hear this. Again, I can't even imagine what you're going through. We lost a foster baby, who we raised from newborn, out of the blue after 6 months when a judge OK'd him to go to a residential rehab facility with his mom who was fresh out of jail. Our loss also made us feel the way you're feeling (even though it was only 6 months worth of memories).

Forgive me in advance for putting this into a spiritual perspective but I just want to reassure you that God knows you personally--He knows your feelings, desires, hard ships and the like--and has a plan for you. He will see you through this.

After our last reunification we immediately closed our foster home (although kept our license up-to-date). We pursued straight adoption and then took in an emergency placement late one Friday night in May of this year. We were subsequently chosen by two birthmothers to adopt their respective babies but we passed on both opportunities because we couldn't handle more than one baby at a time and couldn't "give away" our foster baby. Anyway, it's looking like we may get to adopt her and all this to say that God indeed hears our prayers.

I don't mean to attempt to justify your loss at all--I feel so sad for your family. I just want to share our experience and let you know we're rooting for you.

Take care,
Jennifer

[ANNWILL]

Thank you so much Jennifer. We already told the agency that we are keeping our license up to date just in case she comes back but we are NOT going to do this again. Right now my husband doesnt want to hear about adopting or anything-I know he's hurting and I won't bring it up for a while. I don't know how to go on-she was my life and always will be. I just keep praying for a miracle to happen. Thank you so much and please keep praying.

[ANNWILL]

Well last night was our "last visit" with our little girl. it was so hard not to cry. We feel so sorry for her-she has no idea what she's getting herself into. These people live like pigs and noone is even going to check into all of this. Last night she was so unkept compared to what she normally is. You could see the big change in her-she has no discipline, unruly, loud and very aggressive. She told her teachers that she doesnt want to move but noone believes her and mom still says that she knows she's her mom-we tried telling her and the cw that if someone told her that this person is her mommy she would call her mommy-but she's smart-yes she's smart but she's still 4 years old. I just pray that a miracle happens soon-We miss her so much-I just can't take her pictures down

[GaViolet]

I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers.

[ANNWILL]

I just picked up my little ones art projects from preschool today-I just want to cry. By Friday of next week shes gone to Philly. My heart and soul go with her. SO much I'm keeping inside because I don't want to get hurt but.... I miss her so much. I don't know what to do-she was and always will be my life. I hate to see what she's going to turn out like-if she's like her mother-UGH! Is it so wrong to grow up and want to be a mommy? It sure seems like it that's all I ever wanted-is it to much to ask for? It took so many years to accept that I can't have my own but never to be a mommy-I just can't, it hurts too much-please help me

[Tuppy]

I have absolutely no words that will take away your pain. Just know that my heart hurts to hear your pain and I am praying for you and for your little lost one.

I also only ever wanted to be a Mommy and understand your question as to why that simple hearfelt desire is too much to ask for.

I wish I had the answer as to why this had to happen. It is just wrong.

Do know that the living care you put into your daughter has been instilled into her heart and perhaps she WON'T, because of your influence, make the same decisions as her birthmom.

God bless you.

[ranoutofnames]

Ann - As I read through the posts my heart hurt so much and I felt your pain. You are living through my worst nightmare.

I have no words to make your pain go away, I just wanted to say I understand and pray your heart will heal.

[chickieboom]

AnnWill,

My heart goes out to you. Please please please remember that you are a mother to this little girl. She may be going now but you have given her the love and foundation that she will always have. She will always be a part of you and you a part of her. Your energies are connected. What you have given her will always be hers and may save her life, has probably already saved her life,and it will forever be a touchstone for her. She may be able to go on and do great and wonderful things in the world and help make this world a better place because of the love and nrturing you and your husband have given her. This is a hard time for your heart now, on of the bleakest days you have known. You will forever be touched by this little girl's brief time in your lives as she will be forever touched by the time she has spent with you. You will always be her mother because you gave your heart and soul to her is the most formative years of a child's life. You have touched the world by touching this child and the world is better for it. I thank you for what you have done. I wish she could be with you longer and you could love, protect and nurture her the way that you want to love and protect her. I don't know why things are the way they are but please know that you have done the right thing in the life by helping her on a short but very important part of her journey.

Namaste

[ANNWILL]

I just pray that a miracle happens by Friday. She called us last night and was crying. she missed us and loved us and wanted to be with us. Her step father was sitting there listening and not even batting an eye-God help them. No, God help this child.

[ANNWILL]

I wrote to our Attorney General and Foster Parent Association in Ohio, hopefully someone will help us get her back. I'd give up my life just to see that we adopt her and knowing that my husband and family would raise her wonderfully. That would make me so happy

[Tuppy]

ANNWILL,

I am praying for your little girl to come HOME. This has been a travesty of justice if there ever was one.

For her sake fight until there is no more recourse for your to take.

[ANNWILL]

Well the attorney general called-nothing that they can do-out of their jurisdiction. Great! Now our caseworker calls and tell me that the other caseworker said that mom is upset because we tell our girl who misses her and who we see. We shouldn't do that because it upsets our girl. Well excuse me but it's like she doesn't want her to remember the past 4 years of her life-too bad because you can't. Plus she said that she believes that we are holding out on some of her things-excuse me we gave her the things she wanted. Everything else we bought so why should we give her those-we bought out of our money. Like someone told me she wanted this child then she should have the expenses too. As far as the clothes, all she had was summer because we didn't get the winter vouchers. Let her buy them-this comes along with the ride.