[henderfive]

These last few post from Annwill, 5BoysMom and jllambert are soooo heart breaking!!!! I have gone through the same pain and when I read these it feels like he left yesturday. I remember how hard it was to start the over nights I would cry all the way home after dropping him off. Tried so hard to pass time until I picked him up on Sunday knowing soon I would be dropping him off for good. There is no preparing for this kind of pain. Luckily time does seem to help ease the ripping of the heart. I had to get help from my doctor with some happy pills, lots and lots of praying and being thankful for what I do have and I have said this before the book "A Purpose Driven Life" was a great help and sometimes I still have bad days. So I pray for all of you that this heart break will pass so you may go on with what God has planned for you. God says your greatest ministry will most likely come from your GREATEST hurt. This is how he uses us to share are pain with others. Could you imagine how alone we would feel if no one else had our pain. It doesn't seem fair in many ways that is true, but that must be where faith has to come in. If there is any good out of all this it is that we have each other and our loved ones to lean on. "If you give even a cup of cold water to one of the least of my followers, you will surely be rewarded." Matthew 10:42 and we know we have given much more to the children of these parents that seem so undeserving. Best wishes to all of you, hope to hear good news soon.
Henderfive

[melissa_bear003]

I'm truly sorry for what's happened, and as others have suggested, I hope you've sought some professional guidance in how to deal with the grief you're experiencing. You deserve as much support as can be offered to you.

[jordon23]

I have been through the same situation twice. We cannot have children and couldn't afford an adoption agency. We were certified, and waited alomost a year to get a placement. We knew upfront with him (4 months old) that he probably would'ny go back to his parents. Both of them were heroine addicts and they were 18 and 19. The dad was on a heart transplant list due to overdose. We got him all healed up from the infections, rashes etc.... Then his grandparents stepped in. Which was not really what I had hoped for but I could justify him being with them. They are great people and were very open to us seeing him.

During the time right before he left, we were called about a newborn baby girl. We both work (teacher and programmer) and at first we said no because we thought we had our hands full. The worker told us that if we took the placement we were guaranteed to adopt her. She was abandoned in the hospital at 1 day old, very malnurished and small. She said all siblings were adopted by different families, and no family members existed to worrry about.

So we took her and for 5 months they told us we were going to adopt her. Out of the blue when my school year was over, they called and said that one of the other adoptive homes wanted her, and the next day she was gone.

CASA had visited and that adoptive family didn't want her because the sibling they had was badly developmentally delayed. CASA took pictures of us and showed them, and after they saw how beautiful she was they (5 months later) decided to take her.

I got a chance to talk to the family that took her. They have a bio child and one adopted child already, and now they have our little one. They were very snotty and even told us they were best friends with the judge that refused to talk to me or even read my letters. We were never sent any MDT notifications, and they wouldn't even tell us when they were. The final straw was when the new amom told me they knew that they would get her if they wanted her two months before she was even born.

I questioned our workers, and they admitted they knew about them and their option but it wasn't something they felt they should share with us. So the entire time they knew what they were setting me up for. So now our baby that we had been with since 1 day old was with aparents that they had to beg for 5 months to take her. They knew about us and our situation, and said no until they saw the pictures from CASA workers. CASA also lied to us and said they thought she was to bonded to us and their recommendation to the judge was for her to be with us, and when court came up they said she should be with her sibling, and these people had a huge beautiful house etc..... Our agency worker told us that news, and she was pretty upset about it.

We have never been able to see her since she left, and I don't even think we would if we could. It's just to painful. We have stopped doing foster care, and honestly I would never recommend it to anybody. Several fellow teacher have considered it but after they heard my story they ran the other way.

[ANNWILL]

I wanted to cry so much after hearing that. It just reminded me of my little one. All we know is that if we get these kids, we are NOT doing foster care again. We will keep our license up for our little one, just in case. How long, I do not know. I'm ok 99% of the time but sometimes things will pop in my head about her and I'll start to cry. I will always love her no matter what for the rest of my life. When she left she took a part of me. If we get these kids, I WILL love them just as much or more because they will be ours but she still will be there too. Like my husband said hopefully if she doesn't come back she will still remember us and will come to see us and we'll show her that we did try to get her back and that we didnt abandon her like her mother told her. But I pray to God that she will come home and if not, please keep her safe.

[henderfive]

Jordon23
That is just AWFUL! I had a cw that would tell me what I wanted to hear and tell bmom what she wanted to hear. It was terrible, I felt like I really couldn't trust anything she said. I started going to the lawyer with all my questions and concerns, it may not of been what I really wanted to hear but at least I knew what to expect. I know alot of people that just can't do foster care anymore......Things can go sooo wrong. Sorry to hear about all the pain you went through. I hope things are better. You are in my prayers tonight.
Henderfive

[ANNWILL]

I tell you when it rains here it pours. I don't know if I told you but last year besides our little girl being taken from us I was informed that I had stage 3 colon cancer. Well I had to go through surgery and chemo and then that happened to our little angel. For this year I have been cancer free. Well now we decided not to take those two children because for one thing I talked to their foster mother and she told us that the boy was bipolar besides other things which were not told to us. And with that news we also found out the cancer I had has spread to my liver and I have to get some tests and then surgery again and also chemo. We still are taking our angels sister this week till next Thursday. Found out from the foster mother she is sooo excited to be with us because she knew this is where her sister was. Also told us that even after a year our angel is still acting out, having temper tantrums and yells she wants to go back home. That kind of makes us feel good but I overheard my husband say that they better not hurt his little girl and that made me want to cry. I looked at her pic and told her to keep fighting baby keep fighting, I just know she'll be back, when I don't know but she's got to come back. Her daughter has told everyone including her mother that she does NOT want to live with her and even told her that at the visits she comes to see our angel and not her. So now when she comes she doesn't bring her. We also found out that she did give up custody of her son which does not look good for her because they what they are going to look at is why would u give one up and keep one in foster care and plus she's missed 4 visits already. So now we wait as always and pray that things work out for me and my husband. Sorry about the bad news but some is good

[5BoysMom]

I am so sorry to hear your news. I am here for you, just to listen. Please take care of yourself the best you can. I will continue to pray for you and your husband. Sending much love, faith, hope and prayers your way.

[ANNWILL]

Well tomorrow is our last day with our little one's half sister. It really wasn't too bad. We are just not used to having older kids around. She does keep herself occupied on the computer. She does have good manners too. Yesterday during dinner I asked her if it bothered her that we talk about her sister and she said no. My husband said that she loves and misses her like we do and I said we miss her alot. Then yesterday when I got home from the doctors and walked in the door she asked if I was alright and my mother-in=law said yes, that I was just sore cause I had tests done and she goes that she missed me and I asked why and her response was that she loved me. That just threw me a loop. On the way to school I reminded her that tomorrow she has to take the bus home back to her other home and she said she wished that she could stay with us. This girl, I don't know. All of this is so much for me to handle. I knew when we had her sister that she meant it cause to her we were her parents and with this one being so much older (11) it's hard to know if she is being truthful and wants a stable home or what. All I know is right now I have got to get better but it is nice to hear that someone loves you.

[henderfive]

Glad to hear the respite care went well. I think when these kids get put from home to home it does become easier to tell their caregivers that they love them and even start calling them mom and dad right away. They just want everyone to except them and by saying they love you, they are just hoping someone will love them. In one way it is very sad because it becomes routine for them and how do you know if they are ever going to feel what it is to really love someone. I hope you start feeling better and your health issues get resolved quickly. Keep us posted.
Henderfive

[ANNWILL]

Talked to our caseworker and hopefully we might get a baby boy (to adopt). I told her to beg the agency to let us have him since we've been so tramatized by the latest. OF course we still will get our hours just in case someone comes back which we found out is still having tantrums and acting out and yells and screams she wants to go back home. Even after a year she still wants us. I guess what everyone tells us is that you cannot wipe out 4-1/2 years out of her little mind. Kind of makes you feel good that she still remembers us. I asked my husband last night if he thinks she'll be back and he said he thinks so but not soon enough. He also said that he believes if she doesnt right now, she will when she gets a little older. So right now we'll see if we get picked for this little boy- hopefully.

[MassachusettsMom]

Good luck. I think of you often. I hope all goes well with your potential little boy. Keep us posted.

[henderfive]

Annwill,
Hope everything works out for you. Hope you are feeling better and got your health issues under control. Good luck and keep us posted.

[ANNWILL]

When it rains, it surely pours my way and I don't know what to do. Talked to our caseworker and she said that the foster mom is considering adopting the baby boy that we were very much interested. She said she is looking into some kind of ways of daycare (meaning welfare). I don't know what to do. Waiting for kids to be adopted is so long of a wait. I feel like maybe we should try fostering again and then I think of all the pain that me and my husband have had. Getting attached and then boom- they're gone and you have to mend your hearts and try to go on. I don't know what to do. With these holidays coming my heart is starting to break again thinking about our little one and then thinking of how lonely it will be just like last year. I started to cry and talked to my husband and he said he wished our little one would come back soon and hoping something would happend but I know and he knows that this is in God's hands. But watching her come down the stairs at Christmas and getting so excited made all of my dreams come true. The excitment was so amazing. Now these two Christmas' are the most lonely and quiet they have ever been. I feel like it was when we were going through infertility and the answer was always the same- not this month. I just don't know what to do.

[Suziebearhugs]

I wouldn't recommend fostering anymore.

I think your poor heart has been through enough loss.

I think you should either pursue a straight adoption through DHS of a child already legally free for adoption or another form of adoption (domestic/international).

That way the next child that enters your life WILL be yours forever and there will be no more heartbreak.

[JJemail1]

I agree--I personally couldn't foster again unless TPR was in-progress. The child who is meant for you will come. In the meantime, you might try looking into different options. For example, would you consider a sibling group? If so, visit adoptuskids.org. There are innummerable sibling groups who are perfectly healthy but are having a hard time being adopted for the mere fact the need to be kept together. There are many options--2, 3, even 4 kids...babies, toddlers, and up...while sibling groups may not be an option for families, with all you've been through and all of the room you have in your heart and home, you would be the best mom ever to a group of children.

If not this, you might investigate interest free adoption loans, etc. (since there is a $10,000 tax credit for adoptions anyway). If worked right, you can straight adopt with a loan and essentially still pay nothing (or little).

PM me if you'd like more info. and/or ideas.

I'm praying and rooting for you!
Jennifer