[JSAUNTIE]

I just have no words really I dont. I want to cry a million tears for you and your husband. I am so sorry continue to pray and keep faith. I know God is listening it may not feel like it right now.

[ANNWILL]

After reading why the judges ruled against us you can't help but understand. Why? Well if you read it all we had for us was the time frame that she was with us and that is not enough for the law. If you read in between the lines they wanted us to have her but.... all i can say there were so many lies in it and CSB screwed the whole thing up. In it mom said that she did what they wanted of her- NOT TRUE! Her and her husband got along with her- NOT TRUE! But nobody did their job and check into any of this plus some. So THEY screwed this little girl's life. Even though I feel like I let her down AGAIN I know they did. I talked with my mother-in-law and she told me that probally that's why they persue the appeal because they knew they were going for COPS on her and want to make sure that they cross their T's this time. Remember when the caseworker told my husband that she couldn't tell us anything except to keep our license. So hopefully this is what she means. Found out with COPS there must be something going on like abuse, neglect, etc. for them to want this. So they could go anytime unannounced and see for themselves and then rip her out-God I hope so. Like I said before I know it's crude of me to wish this but I do want something bad to happen to her (not REAL bad) to she will come home. Well off to the prayers again. Sorry again for the bad news.

[MassachusettsMom]

So sorry to hear that. It seems that, in many cases, the laws just don't allow the judges to consider what is in the best interest of the child. It is so, so wrong.

[henderfive]

Hello
Annwill, Just wanted to say hi and hope that you are feeling better. Have you heard anything from COPS? Have you heard anything from the situation with her sister? Write soon
HENDERFIVE

[JSAUNTIE]

Ann you are still in my daily prayers I cant believe this mess.

[ANNWILL]

Thank you all for all of your prayers and concerns. COPS on our little one is on the 24th of July @ 11:00. As far as her sister, we have heard nothing. There was supposed to be a date but it got rescheduled? When, don't know nothing yet. I did find out that csb told the husband that they will try to get his kids back from her if he finds a job and testifies against her which I hop they do anyway. I guess what they will bring up is the moving around that she's been doing and also as fasr as a stable housing, he had none and always relys on men for that. I guess they can bring up about all of the things she's been doing. Like my friends and family said DO NOT give up on my faith and keep praying-good WILL prevail evil

[ANNWILL]

Well here is the latest. As you all know the 24th of this month we go to court for COPS on our little one. Our homefinder came over and said she seen notes of our little one and she's so so. But get this, we get a letter from our attorney and its about her father. He wants to be part of her lfe again. What!? What nerve does he have when he was the one who abused her? He said he knows he gave up his rights but he wants to be a part of her life again. Oh come on you haven't seen her for 5 years and what nerve. But who's to say mom hasn't already had him around. I just can't believe all of this is happening. Well we'll see.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Perhaps you could use this to your advantange and offer annual updates on her should you get custody. As much as you may despise him, this could be God's way of giving you some leverage. Or perhaps you are correct and mom has already allowed him access to the child and it wil backfire on them both. Who knows? We will see on the 24th?

Kim

[KelleyF]

What is a homefinder and do they work for DCF or is it someone you hire privately?

[ANNWILL]

Our homefinder works for Children Services and when a child comes into care they look for someone to take these children.

[ANNWILL]

Well I hate to be the blunt of more bad news but the court withdrew COPS on our little girl. The husband of the mother NEVER showed up for court (and he wants his kids back, yeah) and since she is living with her first daughter's father the situation has changed. Since she is not with him she is not in domestic violence anymore. Come on, the ones she is with had domestic violence when they were together so all we can hope for is that if something happens hopefully that county will have the decency to let ours know. I just believe that this has happened. This is what kept me going, believing and look. How could I go on? I feel like a mess. My life is nothing now. I have nothing. I feel like God is NOT listening to me, us. Now what? I don't want to be here if I can't be a mom, the only thing in my life that I ever wanted. I'd give up everything in my life just to be a mom.

[Sam-N-Tony]

Annwill - I'm sorry that things are turning out like this for you. Unfortunately this is His plan and it's really a waiting game. The only thing that we can do at this point is pray for this child.

I'm afraid that your going to fall into a major depression, more than it sounds like already and am very afraid from the words that you write. Please hang in there. Maybe you should seek some counseling to help you deal with your loss. You have suffered a major loss and is like a death of a child but at some point you have to accept what is. I don't want to come off harsh and do hope and pray that this child is being watched over by something much larger then us, but at some point you need to start dealing with your loss. We all commend you on how hard you fight for this child and no-one person here can say that you don't love this child. I'm am sure that she knows it as well and will remember you as she gets older.

You are a Mom, you are her Mom and no Judge or Jury can take that away from you. She will recognize it and so should you. There are many kids that are looking for a Mother that will dedicate so much as you have. Hang in there and know that we all do care about you.

[Suziebearhugs]

I agree. Sometimes it's hard to accept his plan. But we must put it in his hands and let go. If your sweet baby girl is meant to come back to you she will. But only God knows if and when that will happen. Only God knows what he has in store for this little girl.

I too suggest you seek some counceling and maybe some support from your pastor. This can't be healthy for you.

I've lost a precious baby girl to a horrible situation as well. So I know how it feels. I was crushed. It really tested my faith. But after I threw my big temper tantrum to God and argued with his wisdom. I realized that I had to trust him and I had to let go. I knew if she was meant to be back in my arms than someday she would.

It's been about 5 years now and she has never made it back to me. I still love her and care for her. I still think of her from time to time and pray for her. But I find comfort in knowing she was with me as long as God needed her to be and I was and always will be a mother to her in my heart and in hers.

I'm sorry your having to go through this. It's not fair and it's not easy. Your not alone.

[ANNWILL]

Thank you all for all of your support and concerns. I'm just feeling so hurt for all of the things that have happened to us and her. If she went to a good home, fine but she is with a psycho and what makes me sooo mad is that children services screwed up this case so much! I know I cannot change it and have to go on but this hurt is so unbelievable. I can not believe that this happened to us again even thoug the first one was with us for 6 mos. but our little one was with us for 4-1/2 years. The ONLY reason she wanted her back was not because she loved her it was because I had her and I was "mommy" that's it besides the money. I know it's the hurt that's talking and I know I need to talk to someone and would you believe that is my mother-in-law. I talked to her last night and I feel a little bit better than I did but it will take me some time to REALLY be better. She told me to keep my faith and keep praying and I know it's going to be hard but I sure as heck will try. I'll keep you in touch about the other child. Thanks again

[Suziebearhugs]

Oh my, I didn't realize you had had her for 4 1/2 years. That is a long time and I can see how much more hurt/pain that would cause.

I can't imagine having a child that long and then loosing them. That would be unbearable.

Were you foster/adopting her?

I would definately seek some counseling and grief managment services. You shouldn't have to endure this alone. You may even consider using an anti-depressant. I know it's not a long term solution but maybe both counceling and medication can help you out of this place your in and help put you in a better place for the future.

Maybe you can look into a domestic/international adoption. One where the baby has already been born and there is less or no chance the baby can be taken back or the adoption cancelled.

You deserve to be a mother to your own forever child. One that you will know will alwyas be with you and be yours.

If this little girl is meant to return to you she will, you have to believe that. Until then trust in his plan (whatever it may be) and hand it over to him so you can find some peace.

I'm so sorry you have had to endure this.

I'm sure God has a reason why this has happened even when we can't see it. (I still don't see it...in our case...and I've heard from sources our little girl is still not living in the best of circumstances)But I know he wouldn't want you to go on suffering because of it. He wants you to be happy and he wants you to be a mother. Don't give up on that dream. Go out and get yourself healthy and ready for another child and make your dreams come true.

God Bless you.