[Shelly77]

For those of you FP out there, I am curious as to how your foster children address you.

My husband and I are in the early stages of certification for foster and fost-adopt programs. (We haven't taken any of the classes yet.)

I am perplexed as to how this would work as the FP isn't "mom" or "dad" and they have one of those....the first name seems a little to informal and Mr. Or Mrs. And the last name seems way too formal (especially if you do adopt them later).

Just curious on the thoughts here....

Oh, by the way we are looking to foster/fostIadopt between the ages of 5 and 11 (I know infants may be a different story altogether).

[Nicole Elaine]

Most foster parents allow the children to call them whatever they are comfortable with. I've heard of some situations where they call the foster parents "Aunt" and "Uncle" so and so. Lots of them call the fp's Mom and Dad, even when the foster parents don't ask them to or encourage it.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

Usually it is whatever they are most comfortable with. Of course our little ones were SO young that we were just mommy and daddy from the start because they were both adopted within the first year of placement. We also had a couple girls for a very short time. They had been in SO many homes that it was just easier for them to call us mom and dad rather than try to remember another set of parents names...that was very sad.

[kbatesgomez]

I have young foster kids, my fd was 21 months when I got her. She started calling me Momma within the first day or two. She's called me that ever since. She just turned 2. But she will also call perfect strangers Momma at times. She's not seen any member of her birth family since I've had her, including her Mom so that may have something to do with it.

My youngest foster son, 2.5-years-old, doesn't usally have enough speech development to call me anything. Sometimes he'll call me "Hey!" and every once in a while he'll call me Momma. But his older brother doesn't like him to call me that.

The older brother, my oldest foster child, 4.5-years-old, didn't call me anything for the first three weeks. Now he calls me Miss Katie because that's what his social worker refers to me as when she talks to him about me. Sometimes he calls me Mommy when I pick him up from school, but never directly. He still sees his birth mom, and that may have a lot to do with it.

My only rule is that children aren't allowed to call me by my first name by itself. They may call me Auntie, Momma, Mommy, Miss Katie, Ms. B, whatever, else as long as it's not disrespectful. I want them to feel comfortable. I never encourage them to call me anything in particular (that's why my oldest didn't call me anything for 3 weeks), I allow them to find their own way (now he calls me Miss Katie).

Hope this helps! Congrats to starting the process. Hang in there and let me know if I can help you out in any other way.

[Dmommab]

ALL of the foster children we have had in our home have called us mom & dad simply because we have OTHER children in our home who call us mom & dad. We had a biological mom who didn't want her children to call us mom & dad but the children were 6 months & 2 years old so they were too young to explain WHY they couldn't call us mom & dad and I refused to tell them they couldn't if they wanted to. How would you feel if every other child in the home called the parents mom & dad and you weren't "allowed"? With older children I believe it's whatever you both feel comfortable with. Good luck!

[stevenstwin]

Mine came to me at the age of 14, and calls us by our first names. I have a friend who has fostered a lot in the age range you mention - they usually start out with first names but lots eventually start using Mom. I know everyone says let them use what they are comfortable with, but you DO have you introduce yourself as something the first time you meet them, KWIM? So you have to figure out what is comfortable for you. For my son using my first name was a big enough leap because I was his teacher, so he was used to "Mrs...". I can't picture trying to get a teen to call me "Auntie first name.." LOL

[chevyjewel]

The two year old we have now calls us mom and dad because it's what he sees our two other toddlers calling us.

The 3 older kids we just had called us by our names. After a few days the middle one asked if she could call us mom and dad and we let her. I thought it was endearing. We learned later however that was a symptom of her RAD, it was her way of artificially attaching to us.

[DianeScraps]

I was introduced (by the former foster parents) as Aunt Diane - but that lasted about 2 weeks once they were in the house, and they asked to call me Mommy Diane, that last about 3 months and it was just Mommy

BTW - their birthmom hit the roof when the social worker referred to me as Mommy Diane the first time, but the girls where there and quickly informed her that it was what THEY wanted, they wanted to be able to be like their friends at school and refer to their 'mommy' at home, and that I was there for them. I felt very bad for the birthmom, but proud of the girls for speaking up for what they needed and wanted.

[diane3]

We have 3 foster children (all sibs) and no bios in the house The kids were most comfortable calling us by first names, but refer to us as mom and dad with others. THey have been with us a little over a year, and now the go back and forth between mom and dad and first names.

[tenderlovingtreasure]

We have two older girls and they call us mom and dad. They call everyone mom and dad that they have stayed with. I have even heard them tell my dog let "sissy" get it for you. I had to sit them down and let them know the dog wasnt a bubby. We dont correct their moms/dads because we have a child and our child calls us mom/dad. We dont want to make them feel unwelcomed or singled out.

[AmahMama]

If you have bio's at home - little ones will call you Mom and Dad - same as the other kids. My daughter (30) has a 13 yo that immediately did - so I think that has a lot to do with it. Many of the fps in our area are more grandparent age and we have "nicknames" for ourselves - Amah and Papa, Nana and Pop, G-ma and Poppy, the list could go on. Some of the younger ones go with Mom B (first initial). But the one thing that NO child that comes into our home will do is call us - or another adult - by thier first name alone. I (nor any other adult) is thier age, level, or best friend. We are all old enough to deserve the respect of a Miss, Mz, Mr. etc in front of our first names. Even visitors. Even the CW's and therapists. We mostly do young children - whose parents have no respect for anything or anyone - we just start at the door with learning to show respect. We introduce people this way and correct gently when the title is forgotten -

Maybe it's a southern thing - but I didn't know what my parents' friends first names were (or I knew and forgot) - Everyone was Mr or Mrs or Miss (Lastname). It's not real hard on the kids put it immediately shows "status". And believe me - you need a lot of "status" to show who is the "Mom" to many of the children. LOL

We had a little 3 yog that wanted a Mom and Dad soooo bad. She was determined. So came Amahmama and Papadaddy. Some of the other kids we had at the theme loved it and used it too. and sometimes we are Mama and Daddy. The kids have choices, many of then, but our first names (even for our daughter's foster kids) are not an option.

[Jan Munster]

I'm kind of in the middle of previous posters. I tell the children they can call me by jan, mom, mommy jan, aunt jan (I have two nephew)... so long as the tone is respectful I'm okay with it. But for their teachers, my extended family, etc. I insist on aunt/uncle, miss, ms., mr., etc. especially for my mom who is firmly Grandma Ellen. Children at my house are in daycare (single teacher) so it usually becomes mom or mommy jan pretty quickly because other kids at the daycare are yelling "so and so - YOUR MOM'S HERE!!!!" at the top of their lungs. I don't have a problem with the first name... I think it stems from being a special ed preschool teacher with an impossible last name for speech impaired students. It ended up as Mi Wuhwhu a few too many times. jan

[nursekim06]

Hi My name is Kim we have talked before.My hubby and I are from South Bend. I wish you luck with your placements. Im just being nosy are you going to continue to work and how you were going to handle child care? We maybe getting a 5yr girl for foster adopt. Thanks

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by Shelly77

For those of you FP out there, I am curious as to how your foster children address you. .

I have an 8 month old boy. He gives me this big drooly smile and says "Ah DAH!"

[diane3]

We have older foster children, and have talked with them about this. the youngest two vacilate between calling us mom and dad to our first names. The oldest is not ready for anything more than our first names. The middle one and I worked something out for bedtime, which came after a visit with mom: he says "te quiero mama, and I respond with te quiero hijo." This means I love you mom and I love you son in spanish. THough english is our first language (both of us), it's a different form of mom that he feels is not disrespecting his bio mom.

Diane