[Miss Missy]

We have been fostering for almost two years. We have had 5 babies plus some respite babies come thru our home over that period of time. We currently have a 7 month old FS, which is the longest we have ever had a baby. We got him at 1 month of age. We have been told from the beginning that it could be a long drawn out deal that it could very easily go the full year. And even at that, termination could still happen after all of that time. Knowing that FS could be here a year or longer before any real decisions are made, I am thinking that at that point in FS little life, it is probably in his best interest to stay here. Our desire is not to fight for termination but if it does happen I think we would be interested adopting him. However, I already have several bio children and I know that there are many couples out there dying to adopt a healthy baby. Am I being selfish by wanting to keep him or do I really need to look at what is in the babys best interest? HELP!!!!!!!!!
We are a dual lisenced home but we did not enter into doing foster care in hopes to adopt but it the opportunity presented itself we would be interested!! ANY ADVICE????

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

You have bonded with this child...as I am sure he has bonded with you. If in your heart you would like to adopt him...then by all means do it. I think it would be in his best interests if he WERE to stay with you.

On the other hand, if you knew for certain that you would definately NOT want to adopt him, then I would express this and have him moved to a foster/adopt home. Bonds are SO important at this age. This way he can begin to bond with that family.

You love him, and at 7 months old you are his world! Do what is in your heart...adn NO, you are not selfish!

[HappyTwinsMom]

I've just started looking at the foster parenting forums because my husband and I are currently considering the possibility of doing foster care. Your question tugged at my heart because that's one of my questions...what if we foster a child for a longer period of time and he/she becomes available for adoption...do we want to adopt again. (We have four-year-old twin daughters adopted at birth in a domestic, private-agency adoption.)

I certainly think it's reasonable that you've bonded with this little guy and that you love him...and I would say "go for it" if the opportunity to adopt him presents itself.

Best of luck to you!

[bjhv5]

I am probaly not the right person to ask/answer this but here goes!

I have bio children 4 to be exact well one is a step d but she is mine and we have custody of her.We are also current foster parnets of a 26 month old who has been here for 7 months ,a 15 month old(here for 4 months)3 month old (here since birth 15 months olds sister) as well as they have 2 other sibs we have said if any or all come to TPR and adoption then we want to adopt them .
We have such a bond with these little guys they are such a part of our family and we love them.To them we are momma and daddy with the 2 youngest ones they dont know any one else.
I know there are parents out there waiting who have 0-1 children and want more but I have prayed for God to bless our home with "forever children" .
If you have that bond and feel that close to the child/children and you have been the one there for them why not be there forvever mommy and daddy if given the chance.

Deb
biomom to B17,JJ would be 15,H 13,V13
fm to J27 month,K16 month,L3 months

[Beccayinn]

Just some random thoughts....for what they are worth, I certainly couldn't pretend to guess what is right. But, I think it sounds like you would like to adopt, but feel guilty about doing so when there are so many others out there waiting for little, bitty, healthty and "perfect" (whatever that is!) babies.

I think that if you are wanting to adopt this child and truly feel that he is yours, you should do it - without the guilt! We receive a lot of pain and heartache as foster parents. We spend many sleepless nights. We pour our lives into these little ones! And for that we are blessed tremendously! In this case, that might mean that you are blessed with a forever son.

If however, you are only wanting to adopt because you feel it would be in the child's best interest, but not of any real interest in your own heart, I would agree with the previous post that getting the little guy into a potential 'forever home' as soon as possible (with a nice slow transition?) would be best and I wouldn't feel guilty about that either. As you said, there are many people that would do anything for these little guys and would love him like crazy!

As for the child, I think the obvious thought is, the less moves the better. For me that means if you want to adopt him and he will never have to move again then the answer is obvious. Just let go of the guilt and ENJOY THE BLESSING!