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#1
10-21-2005, 02:47 PM
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How does a single male tell his FS he loves
How does a single male tell his FS he loves him without the wrong ideas. In my family we use to hug a lot, I am a hugger myself, but now days, I am just curious as to how the men in your lives handle this with FS's? Blessings.
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#2
10-21-2005, 06:08 PM
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I agree that it is difficult in the world we live in now to be able to express love, joy, affection, etc. towards others without someone reading something 'odd' into it.
I don't have any experience fostering a teen, so if you think I'm way off, well, then, I'm way off. Have you talked with this child. Maybe tell him that you'd really like to hug him, would it be o.k.? He may not be comfortable with a big old huggy hug, but maybe big old wrestling bear hug may just be fine with him. Let him know how you feel about him. Reassure him that you are open to receiving hugs, kisses, 'punches' in the arm.
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#3
10-21-2005, 06:49 PM
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James
Ask the kid if he is okay with being hugged. Some kids are big huggers (like you) and others are not. It is okay to say, something like, "I love you," but do not expect it to be returned. It is also good to say, "I love you and that is why I want this for you..." so that the focus is on the affection being appropriately and fatherly and demonstrates that it is not a "messed up" kind of love. Does that help?
__________________
A society in which adults are estranged from the world of children, and often from their own childhood, tends to hear children's speech only as a foreign language, or as a lie. Children have been treated as congenital fibbers, fakers and fantasisers. ~ Beatrix Campbell ~
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#4
10-22-2005, 02:48 PM
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Someone on another site told me this way:
Post this on the fridge While we are learning to love each other. Please know I care for you when I walk by you & pat your shoulder. That I am being a Good & loving Dad when I mess up your hair when I know it bugs you. I understand we need to learn to trust each other. So lets learn to give each other a side hug from time to time. Hugs are important for humane survival. I promise not to do this in front of your friends. Part of being a family is learning to communicate. So when I say “I sure had a crappy day“. Know it wasn’t because of you. I am sharing my feelings, as I hope you will learn to do. Know when I tell you I love you.. I mean it. Loving you means I respect you. I care what is going on in your life. I am enjoying watching you grow into an adult. Etc…
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#5
10-22-2005, 04:03 PM
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Beautiful and Appropriate
That's a good way to express it. This way you come off as neither distant and unloving or overly touchy feely, depending on how the kid views the world.
__________________
A society in which adults are estranged from the world of children, and often from their own childhood, tends to hear children's speech only as a foreign language, or as a lie. Children have been treated as congenital fibbers, fakers and fantasisers. ~ Beatrix Campbell ~
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