[brl]

We have been fostering a baby since he was 6 months old. Last friday he went back to his parents. I am trying to find any information on his state of mind. He was very attached to us, & is very attatched to his parents through a long process of reunification.

1. Does anyone know through training, experince with babies etc. is he hurting as we are, or are we forgotten like leaving daycare etc.. not thought of until he sees us again. (Out of sight out of mind).

2. The state has said we can visit him in a month. We want to desperatly, but do not want to reopen any memeries. etc.. and then leave him again. Should we?

Thanks for any help, we have had around 18 children in our home in 6 years.This is our first baby, so we were not prepared for this.

[Jensboys]

It sounds like the transition was handled well and that he knew and loved his parents he was going to. Will he grieve? Yes. How will that display itself? Well he might be having sleep disturbances, or be acting out. He might appear angry or lethargic to his parents.

About visits- Probably a good idea. He needs to know that people dont just "disappear". You obviously are very important to him and seeing you will be emotionally healing for him. Now it might also be hard -- but hard doesnt mean "bad". Hard can mean sad or angry, but also healing.

A good thing is that if he was attached strongly to you, he has a far better change of attaching strongly to his parents.\

Jen

[brl]

Thanks for your advice, we are possibly going to see him this Saturday.
We have seen a video of him and he has adapted well.

[ibdawnk]

I just read your post while holding my 6 mth old fs and bawled. We have had to give two little ones back and I know that pain. I am sorry for your pain and pray that it will make you stronger. I do know for sure that our babies, while they may not grow up to remember us, have been impacted by us in the most critical months and years of their lives.
I would definately go see your baby...I am certian that he would like to see you. Our 20 mth fs was so excited to see us after a month of being back with his parents. He definately remembered us and seemed to be better off after our visit.
God Bless!

[brl]

Thanks for your post. Tomorrow if hurricane Dennis doesn't hinder it we are going to see him.

I see now how we are blessed. We have a good relationship w/ his parents, and that has helped letting him go. The other night I dropped off some toys I had found left in his room and his parents asked if I wanted to see him. (While he slept) I got to watch him sleeping and give him a good night kiss.


We are better, it has been around 3-4 weeks since he left and we agreed to take a 5 year old in for respite, so we are pulling through. Somone else took him, but at least we got to that point of recovery.

[bumpkin]

I can't imagine how much this must hurt. You and your family will be in my thoughts, I hope you can see him tomorrow.

[terrynorman]

I am experiencing the same case, almost.. The court changed the plan to adoption in March now social services wants to change it back to placement with a grandmother. This grandmother has been involved the whole time, it is the home the child was removed from. In March they said her home was not fit for the child to return. I have 3 teens that adore this baby. We received her at 12 months and now she is 28 months. Any support would be appreciated.

[brl]

how is it going. Saw your thread. 108 days and counting for me my t. has been gone. getting better, well it is better.

[brl]

update -

The 17th. of this month he will have been gone from us for 8 months.

I had some business in our old hometown Dec. 14th and got to see him again. He still knows me and cried when
I left him.


He will be three Feb. 20th. and seems to have no issues so far emotianlly about his seperation from us.

I update for you who have had to give up small ones and wonder about them and their emotional state.

I hope it gives you comfort.

[brl]

Saw Tyler over the weekend, He has adjusted well.

I can see the bond with bio. getting really strong.

[lakin11]

Happy to hear! Has to be a little easier to know he's doing so well.

Shannon

[gregorysparents]

This gives me some hope. We get to see Gregory on the 9th and on the 23rd of this month. We can't wait!!!

You are lucky that you have a "good" relationship with this baby's birth parents. We have an "OK" relationship with Gregory's birth dad - but - his birth mom is another story. Even our Pastor (who was here in Gregory was removed from our home) has some concerns about Gregory's birth mom. He saw the same things that we did in regards to Gregory's birth mom.

We have tried for over a year to work on having a good relationship with them. We could work with the birth dad - but we just can't seem to get anywhere with the birth mom.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Christina

[brl]

Enjoy your visits. Be prepared for the good byes, he is going to want to go with you, and will show it. Where is the visit taking place, and how long is it?

[brl]

Got to spend a week with him in our home.
In 5 days it will have been a year since he left us. Getting to see him for that long was a gift we did not expect to recieve.

He is right on track in all areas that we could tell. He remembers us and his f. brother. I cannot beleive it, but he is actually more spoiled than when he was with us.

He shows no attatchment disorders and is developing normally.

[locoenlacabeza]

That is so wonderful! I am so glad to hear that you get to visit with him. It truly must be a gift from God. I think my heart would leap with joy if I so much as got to look at my angel again.
I am glad to hear that he is doing well. Sounds like bp are on the right track as well!