[lucmarmic]

Omg...I feel like pulling my hair out. My fs "O" (3yrs old)is having so many problems. I have been introduced to Fecal Smearing. Had no clue that is what it was until I called my mom. But that's what I am dealing with now. One day he is such a sweet loving boy and the next day it is the total opposite.
He is starting to SCREAM at everything, getting into the bath, getting out of the bath, eating, getting into car seat, getting out of car seat, taking a nap, waking up you name it he SCREAMS. and if he's not screaming he's crying or whimpering. non stop.
I have called his SW and she told me and I quote "I will do what I can for him, I promise I will give 110% on finding him some help, and by the way my last day is April 22nd."
Now he is hitting, biting, kicking his little brother "Z" (14mths) when he thinks no one notices or when I am busy. I seperate them, give "O" coloring book and crayons and "Z" a toy, but it works for about 2 minutes then "O" is throwing his book at "Z" and drawing on my walls (I now have very colorful walls) I have tried holding him and hugging him just one on one time with him, but his crying gets worse. I have put him in a play pen when he's mad to keep him from destroying his room. I just don't know what to do.
When we go out in public, he is so different. He plays people, being very sweet and the whole time looking at me out of the corner of his eyes. My friends who haven't seen him in his "bad moods" think I am making it up because he just so different around them. Sometimes I think its me, maybe he just isn't happy in my home. Baby "Z" has adjusted so well, and his brother is just fighting everything. I am at a loss.
Does anyone have any sugesstions?
well sorry for the long post, just needed to vent. I am keeping everything in a journal, and I am trying to find positive things about him, but sometimes it is so hard when he is crying all the time.

Luci

[Lorraine123]

Are you familiar with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)? What are describing here sounds like it. Do some research on RAD. He needs attachment therapy. Is he in therapy? Be sure the therapy is by someone familiar with RAD and foster children, otherwise the child will charm the therapist (just like he does with your friends). That is a huge symptoms of RAD. Good luck to you.

[lucmarmic]

Originally Posted by Lorraine123

Are you familiar with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)? What are describing here sounds like it. Do some research on RAD. He needs attachment therapy. Is he in therapy? Be sure the therapy is by someone familiar with RAD and foster children, otherwise the child will charm the therapist (just like he does with your friends). That is a huge symptoms of RAD. Good luck to you.

Thank you for posting. I will do some research. I am at my wits end. Tonight was especially difficult. We had a good day but come bed time he was screaming, crying until he had his brother going. I am so tired. I am hoping to get respite care next week, like I said HOPING!!!!
luci

[tybeemarie]

I agree with Lorraine. This screams RAD to me. I believe it when you say you are ready to tear your hair out. As you do your research, check out the amazing Nancy Thomas, who wrote When Love is Not Enough. Also, check out Deborah Gray's book, Attaching in Adoption. Another great resource is Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky's book Parenting the Hurt Child. Good luck! This is so, so hard, so incredibly draining. What you are doing is very valuable, and we here on the boards honor you for making this effort. You can also look at the Special Needs portion of the boards and learn a ton about parenting children with attachment disorders from the very caring and committed parents who post there. Vent any time! We're rooting for you!

[WeLoveRKids]

Luci,
I am so sorry! But, he sounds so much like my fs, L, 15 1/2 months. He is a major screamer/screecher. Is starting to throw things, yanks our fd (14 1/2 months) down to the floor by her hair. He has this GAWD awful screech, think baby Pteradactal, and it is nearly constant!!! He screeches at everything and anything and NOTHING!! It is driving our family nuts.

I spoke with the Behavioral Specialist, she suggests keeping calming music on, dimming the lights, keep the area he is mostly in SMALL, use a baby play yard to limit the area so he feels more confined and safe.

We tried this yesterday with some results. He was a bit calmer and screeching was a little less.

We have put in our 7 day notice to have him moved, I feel so horrid and sad, but know in my heart he needs more one to one care than we can offer.

Anyways, I am sorry to hi-jack your post, just want you to know I am where you are and I understand!!!

((((((HUGS))))))
Vickie

[lucmarmic]

Well he woke up a happy camper today, I took great advantage of this. We went out side, played in the yard. We were out there about an hour and BGrmpa showed up. And it was over. He cried to go with him, and Bgrmpa said tomorrow, which I know tomorrow never comes. The bgrandparents have unsupervised visits whenever they want, which is never. They stop by if we see them...if not they proceed to go next door to the baunt's house. Baby "O" doesn't seem to care, he just looked at his bgrmpa ..like who are you...But "Z" understands and I know he's going to have rough night and tomorrow will be hell....I noticed if he plays in his room, he keeps the light off...this calms him. so I try to keep the lighting low now. It works a bit....well thanks for the posts...

WeLoveRKids.....I am almost where your at. I am single parent, and thinking I might not be able to give him all he needs.

Have a great saturday....
Luci

[leenab]

Hi Luci,
We've been there. Ick! Ihate to even think about it. But what you describe is our son Om for the first 3 months we had him. He was 2 3/4 at the time and could drive me over the edge. We also dealt with teh fecal smearing and smearing of vasiline as well, coloring the walls, pealing paint from dressers, breaking toys, tantruming for almost 2 hours at a time, etc. We had to BEG for therapy for him.

Turns out he had adjustemnt disorder, which he's still not fully recovered from. So we have to transitionion him easily from one thing to another. He HATES change and is super emotional, very jealous of our other children and even DH. We've just had to realize that that's how he is. Right now we're working on the jealousy issue and the manipulation issues.

PArenting him is hard work, but well worth it. We love him, but there are days where he drives everyone, even his brother over the edge.

Time-ins for bad behavior worked for us as well as asking our son if he was done having a tantrum every 5 minutes or so. We also use meditation and yoga poses to help calm him down.

And now that Om's 4 we let him know that if he needs to cry it's to be done in his room. This cuts down on the audience and shortens it.

Hang in there,
LeenaB

[leenab]

Hi Luci,
Well, if you see my other post; we're going through the fecal smearing again with the fd T who will be 2 yrs next month.
Hang in there...invest in a good spot scrubber,
LeenaB

[lucmarmic]

Well it is wednesday, I just haven't had time to get online and let some steam off. Its been one of those weeks. But I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.

New SWs( yes two) for these boys. Came by today to do the monthly homevisit... and got to witness in person what I do every day. and they were amazed I was still sane!!! I am getting respite this weekend. and I am getting lots more help during the week!!!

Thanks for all the posts...its keeps me sane

[Dizzysmamma]

Quick suggestion on the fecal smearing. What I had to do with my son was to keep him in a sleeper with the zipper pinned closed at night. I don't know yours are doing it whenever or just at night though. HTH And good luck to all of you.

[lucmarmic]

My batteries are recharged and I am ready to take on anything at the moment I had a great weekend. I finally got some respite care Boys did great this weekend, and like I suspected "O" charmed the socks off the respite provider.

He's not feeling well tonight, I suspect he had a very long weekend and it wore him out. He went to bed very early tonight. He had a bad day on Friday when I was getting him ready to go, but when I dropped him off with the respite provider he totally changed. I was such a transformation, I had a hard time believing this was the same little boy I had for 2 months.

When I came to pick him up, he came running up to me and gave me a hug. Which really surprised me. Baby "Z" is trying his hardest to walk, he had a rough weekend. He cried when I left him and pretty much had a bad weekend afterward. He was glad to see me also.

Well I will keep you all posted. I am so glad to have finally gotten a weekend to myself.

Luci

[Kate1129]

I am glad you are recharged!! Last Nov we had a 4 yr old and 1 yr old placed with us. J (4 yrs) would rage! It was horrible!! He's scream and kick and throw things and bite and hit. You name it!!! It took 2 months to get him to calm down. I think he quite more quickly cause he was old enough to know that it was not ok and you could reason and talk to him. With younger ones, I can't even imagine!!!

I hope the little "O" adjusts to your love and care and the "fits" stop!!!