[DianeScraps]

I have seen many places that you should start the foster / adopt kids right off with age appropriate chores. Not having kids in the house already that is something that I am just not sure of.

Besside clearing your own spot at the table (which has always been a rule in my house)

Any suggestions?

Diane

[Jensboys]

Empyting, filling dishwasher. Sorting laundry by color (lights and darks), making their own beds, putting away their own laundry (already folded just into their own drawers), my older kids can clean a toilet and wash a mirror, all can set the table etc

My kids are ages 3 - 10 and have been taught how to do these things over the years. With new foster kids it can be a "bonding" experience to do them together.

Jen

[Cobb]

I agree with Jens list. We also have a little stick vacuum that the little ones were able to use to vacuum crumbs off the kitchen floor. And of course being responsible for keeping their belongings neat is always important.

My personal issue was letting go of the need to redo things... (have the same problem with my hubby). Ultimately, I've found that having responsibilities helps a new child feel that they are a contributing member of the family, that they belong as much as everyone else. I had to remind myself that the covers being crooked weren't all that big of deal in comparison to the pride that C felt in having done it herself. Also, others had told her she was too little to do alot of things. Showing her that she wasn't was a great boast to her self-esteem. Just break things into managable steps and help them at first and they will be on their way...

[roxanna425]

with supervision, my 5 yo fs feeds the cat in the morning and rinses and changes the cat's water. my fdaughter feeds the dogs (2) from a scoop in the dog food bin. yes I can do it faster and with no kibble outside the bowl but they love "their" pet and take pride feeding them. we all clar our plates although since I plate up before the food is on the table and my fson has motor control problems he can't set the table. his sister can and he uses the sweeper on the dining room carpet after we are done. they assist me in putting away silverware and they tidy up their room before we leave the house.

you will learn if a child isn't ready for a chore very soon, so keep an open mind about thier developmental age. some children were raised very differently or due to neglect or abuse are delayed so start easy and add form there until you feel they have enough responsbility.

[Cobb]

Roxanna, what a great point about how the differences in their experiences affect what they can and can't do. I think that applies to more than chores. We had four and five year olds who didn't know how to brush their teeth or wipe properly after using the bathroom. You reminded me that we worked on personal care before we started doing chores. After personal care, came modified responsibility for their belongings and then came helping with other things around the house. Ours progressed relatively quickly, but it all can take some time...

This also applies to older children. We worked with a nine year old girl at a group home. The other set of houseparents were frustrated with her for not keeping her room clean. One afternoon while I was on duty, I sat with her and led her through the process of picking up her things. She wasn't able on her own to break it into manageable steps (first pick up clothes, then dolls, then...), so the whole thing was really overwhelming for her. It was a case of letting go of what a normal expectations of a nine year old are. She simply hadn't had any experience, so patience was needed.

Edited for a last thought: Of course there are cases where older children are capable, but chose not to do what's necessary. We had an older girl who refused... I just told her that I understood that she needed some time not doing them, so I let her "off the hook". Of course, she soon discovered that not being able to do chores meant she was unable to do some other fun things... Kind of a if you're not old enough to take responsibility for putting your clothes in the hamper then your not old enough to go outside without supervision kind of thing... With responsibilities comes priveleges... In no time, she was being helpful again without any reminding. Been know to use a modified version of this technique for my older bio daughter too...

[ember246]

I agree with (and learned from, too) everything on this list. I only have one chore to add that my 4 yr old does, and it's easy but necessary - straighten up the shoes and boots in the porch. Great sorting skills, and with 5 of us each having a couple of pairs, it makes a big difference!

[profweston]

Just from my own experience, I know that it was very exciting for me to make my own lunches to take to school when I was in Kindergarten. My mom put the lunch meat and cheese on a lower shelf of the fridge and the bread where I could reach it. I put the meat and cheese between two slices of bread and put the sandwich in a baggie. Then I grabbed some prepacked chips and put them in the paper bag with the sandwich.

Very simple, but it made me feel like a "big kid".

[carriewoman]

We have 3 new additions to our home. The oldest is 5 and she attends preschool. She came home one day and said her homework is to do a chore and she wants to clear the table. We have her scrape the plates and put the dishes (except knives) in the sink, plus she puts condoments away. We clear the rest and then let her count 8 squirts of cleaner on to the table and she wipes it off. She loves her chore. She asks us if she can dust a lot too, I let her dust my collectibles on the bottom of my curio sometimes and she earns an extra sticker for extra work
Her and our 2 yr old both clean thier rooms. Hers is more organized, his has 2 big toy tubs he is responsible for filling each night. Our 2 yr old has also started clearing off his own place setting recently.
If you aren't sure what chores to assign them, maybe ask them, they may like certain chores, and when they like doing them you'll find they remind you a chore needs done.
Carrie

[Shelley]

I agree with all the posts above. The only few I have to add are, bringing dirty laundry to the laundry room, and stripping their beds and putting fresh sheets on. (this depends on age of course.) Besides picking up her toys, our 2 yo's job at supper time is to put salad dressings on the table and put them away when were finished. Of course she has to do this everynight whether we have salad or not. (her rule not mine)She does clear her own plate, all my children started this about 2.
The quickest way to turn a child off helping out is to go behind them and re-do what they've done. I'm a firm believer in if they've done it, don't re-do it. It may not be done the EXACT way you would do it, but with practice it will get better.
We also have what we call "hard labor". when they've been especially naughty we implement this. (rather than take away privelages, depends on transgressions.)
Hard labor consists of washing walls/windows, etc... or the most dreaded chore of all, poop scooping the backyard. We have a 90 lb yellow lab, well you get the idea. This a usually a rotating job, but when they've earned hard labor, it is their's for how ever long the punishment is.
On the flip side, they can do some of these "hard labor" chores to earn extra income. Shelley

[6boysrus]

Hi everyone.. Thought Id share some of mine.. I have 6 boys aging 3-13 and they each have chored. some daily and weekly. We dont "reward" them for their chores, they are expected to get done on a daily basis.
Having a large family and also homeschooling- if we dont have a routine or include them in it, I think id have a ton of gray hair!lol

anyhow.. this is our breakdown from Oldest to youngest and age appr group that has worked for us.

Vacuming 9+
Mowing LAwn 10+
Poop Scoop 7+
Feeding Pets 4+
Clearing table 5+
Setting table 4+
Loading dishwasher 7+
Unloading Dishwasher 5+
Taking out garbage 7+
Folding Laundry 9+
Putting Laundry Away 6+
Making beds in morning 5+
Sorting Socks 5+
Matching SHOES! 3+
Wiping Bathroom sink eachday 6+
Picking up toys/tidying- everyone
Doing laundry 12+
Sweeping 10+
Prepare lunch 10+
Help prepaer dinner 10+

They all have their share of things they do.. they rotate monthly or they do buddy jobs.. The older ones "buddy" up with a younger one or with me if the task is to difficult to complete for their age alone..

There are several places off the net that you can print off room charts and adopt a system that works for your family.

Hope this helped..
Yvonne

[Crane13]

We have a four year old and a six year old. Everyone clears the table, and helps out when asked, but we don't have set chores. I have found that the kids are more happy to help if it is not something that they do everyday. When i am sorting laundry, they take piles to the bathroom closet, and correct bedrooms. Sometimes they feed the dogs. They always take coats up to their rooms, keep bedrooms straightened, put laundry away each night, and shoes in correct places. I have a bin for each child by the stairs. Once a week, then need to go through their bin and put stuff away. It is always items that go up to their room to be put away.

fdaughter takes her wet pull-up out to the trash if it is wet. This was actually the doctors recommendation. She is 6, and it teaches her that it is not okay to go potty in bed without punishing her for the act.

Well look at that, we have chores after all. Here I thought my family was slacking!

Jill

[Shelley]

I have a son who wet the bed until he was 12. Bedwetting is not something children can control, sometimes it's as simple as an immature bladder, other times can be more serious. Our son was required to bring down wet sheets, and make his bed, (starting at about age 9) only because he refused to wear a pull-up. Punishing children or making them feel ashamed doesn't accomplish anything. The urologist we spoke to, actually he spoke more with my son than me, he really wanted him to know that he had nothing to be ashamed of, He did make a point of telling Ds if he refused to wear a pull-up, then he needed to take responsibility for getting his wet things cleaned. He did prescribe meds for him, after making sure this was something Ds wanted to do. They worked most of the time, but there were still occassional accidents. Shelley

[Crane13]

Sounds like what I was talking about, Shelley. She is not being punished at all, but she is realizing that she needs to take ownership in helping to clean up afterwards. I assure you, she does not think taking her pull-up to the garbage is punishment. Looking back, I worded that sentence wrong. We are not punishing her for her actions, but she is still learning that wetting the bed is not okay. Completely doing what our ped. wants us to do. Did the meds help your son? We are far from that, as she is only 6. Jill

[6kiddos]

6boys, great list! I just wanted to add that if your children have any kind of sensory issues you may need to get a little creative to come up with "theraputic chores"! My almost 3 yr old daughter has FASD and significant sensory issues (she will slam doors, jump on beds, throw things, etc... if we do not address her sensory needs) and I have found that lifting and pushing things help her to feel more centered (much like her weighted vest and blanket help her.) She recently had a pretty tough day and I asked her to help me move heavy books from one bookcase to another -obviously something that did not NEED to be done- and it really calmed her down! Some other things that seem to help her- shaking rugs outside, shoveling snow (she has her own little shovel!), and moving chairs so that I can vacuum or mop the floors.

Just a thought- people with FASD probably functioned much better when our society was more about physical labor than desk jobs.

[TexasJingles]

Shelley -- our hard labor is pulling weeds. I got that from a friend that used to work in a youth group home. We also use scrubbing the tub with a scrub brush instead of cleaning spray. I'll have to remember the walls and we have double windows too, so that will go on the list. It's too cold and wet at the moment for weeds, so thanks for the tip!