[DianeScraps]

Looking for suggestions for getting a home (that currently has no kids) ready for a having a foster / adopt teen?

Diane

[DianeS]

Wow... a teenager...

I guess I'd leave a lot of decorating up to the teen. Basic colors and styles in the bedroom, with an agreement you'd go to choose paint or wallpaper or drapes or something like that together at a later date. Personalization is a big thing.

I would also get yourself in the habit of stocking mainly healthy snacks in the house, but a LOT of healthy snacks - teens eat a LOT, usually, and you don't want to start a habit of unhealthy eating in your home. Better to have lots of fruit and such that can be eaten freely.

I'd get a NetNanny type program installed on your home computer, and learn how to use it. Better to have it and not need it than need it but not have it!

If possible, make contacts with teachers in the school your future teen is likely to attend. Attend some events so you get a feel for the enviornment, if PTA meetings are open to the public you can attend them too. Be a familiar face before you meet those people in a business enviornment.

How familiar are you with teens and what they like to do in general? What is *your* teen likely to ask permission to do, and would you grant it? Thinking through things like that in advance can help.

But back to the home, specifically. I'd make sure to have some "comfort" items around that you may imagine would be for a younger child. Fun pillows, soft blankets, and a few stuffed animals. Something for the child to hug. Out in plain view so the teen doesn't have to ask, doesn't have to admit he needs it.

Maybe have picture frames available, for if she has some prized photographs. Or a photo album, in case there are lots of them. You could encourage her to take new photos to put in an album.

Some foster parents I know take long distance service off the phone, just in case. Some provide the teenagers with calling cards prepaid to a certain amount in case there are out-of-area people the teen would like to call.

Others put away expensive trinkets and meaningful pictures, again just in case. They can come back out if the child turns out to be well-behaved, with no anger issues.

Others try to sign the child up for an activity right away, preferably something the child had done in the past. Music, martial arts, crafts, scouting, etc. They believe it helps keep a sense of continuity in the child's life.

Once you know more about an individual teenager, you'll think of more things to do. If the child is over 16, you'll be investigating driving schools and insurance rates. If the child likes to talk (and is trustworthy), you may want to check into separate phone lines. For a sports-oriented child, you may want a sports membership to the Y. Etc.

I wish you luck! Hope you get something useful out of this list!

[DianeScraps]

Wow that is a great list! Thanks!

Diane

[FostermomCathie]

Hate to mentions this but,,,,we've had several teens.
Might want to hide important things you dont want to lose, be prepared for teens that spill makeup on floor (mats) Many dont know how to clean their room and dont care (lots of trash cans and laundry baskets) We found its easier to have a portable clothes rack next to the drier so clothes can be pulled out and immediately hung, if baskets go up to rooms, they will get mixed up with dirty clothes or cramped in dressers. We put beds on the floor without frames so things dont get under there (like apple cores or library books). Be prepared to set rules right away about clothing, girls are into showing butt cracks with thongs in our area (we tell them "crack kills" haha) and the boys of course will want size 40 waist when they have a 26. Its a tough battle to go into if you choose to go there. (hint) I found out that it really doesnt pay to have things go missing in the laundry, I think it works better now to box things up then they dont feel like their stuff is being stolen.
Be prepared not to take things personal, like your cooking being compared to their mothers. Teens are smart and its tough to stay one step ahead, but I have found more rewards with the older kids than any other age group. Good Luck

[mana]

I would also make a list of all your rule and chores you may want them to complient and post. You might ever make it a contract and make them sign it after reading to rules. I agree with everyone elses coments. but as for the net nannie good idea but are teen complained alot so we took it off for some reason if I remember correctly it wouldn't let you open alot of pages do to the fact they were unrated site so doing school resurch was hard. We have windows XP and all have different logins and my husband was able to make it so we could add or hide his login if needed. And we could restrict so of the funtions that he was able to do on the computer.

mana

[Ms. Jackie]

I ged out of foster care after ten years in the system and I would like to comment on some of the stuff listed above.

BEDS ON THE FLOOR WITH NO FRAMES!? I would have hated that, especially if other beds in the house had frames. Teach your kids to pick up their stuff rather than treating them like animals. If I had been moved into a house with a matress on the floor, I would have asked my worker before she even left to be looking for a new placement. That is unacceptable to me.

Snacks- Great idea to go healthy and high volume. A lot of foster kids do not know about nutrition and need a nudge in the right direction. Let them eat until they are full though. A lot of foster kids have been deprived of food in the past.

Another phone line- That sounds frivolous. I would have loved that, but instead was limited to a certain amount of time on the phone instead. This taught responsibility and consequences.

Good luck. Mostly, you need to be accepting and honest with teens.