[Shell4]

Hi, I have a child that is always getting into trouble, she hits the other children and even me, and them she states that she forgot she has to be good. I put her in time out, tried to talk to her, nothing seems to help. This child hits me kicks me, calls me names, I don't take it personal, but I need some one to help me deal with this problem, she can't stay in time out her whole life. I have tried to get close to her, and some times she will sit on my lap. I really don't know what else to say, I want to be friends with this child, she also has a brother with her, and he has adjusted well. I feel so bad for these children, its not fair what has happened to them. I think the system go about this all wrong, they need to do more to the parents, if I was to kick my dog and someone seen it they call the ASPCA, I go to jail and get a fine, but if I kick my child that's ok,,,do you see some thing wrong with this picture, make the parent pay for this crime. Well any help you may give me would be helpful. Thank you

[lucyjoy]

I'm not sure how old this child is or if she is the older of the two sibs. She may be use to being in charge and taking care of her brother and her need to control everything and everyone may be causing some of the problem(Survival, lose control=dying).

I have a couple of suggestions that may help. One is to use Time in instead of time out. "I see you're having trouble remembering how to behave. That's o'kay, I'll help you. Yuu just hold onto my shirt(or sit next to me while I'm doing whatever). NO problem, that way I can make your decisions for you."

My other suggestion is that children with fear based control issues need a strong mom, not a friend. You have to be very firm about what the rules are and enforce them everytime, even if she's been great the whole rest of the day. This is important because she needs to test you to see if you are "smart enough" to take care of her(otherwise she has to be in charege or she'll die).

This are my opinions based only on my own experience and my experience working with other families.

[Shell4]

Originally posted by Shell4
Hi, I have a child that is always getting into trouble, she hits the other children and even me, and them she states that she forgot she has to be good. I put her in time out, tried to talk to her, nothing seems to help. This child hits me kicks me, calls me names, I don't take it personal, but I need some one to help me deal with this problem, she can't stay in time out her whole life. I have tried to get close to her, and some times she will sit on my lap. I really don't know what else to say, I want to be friends with this child, she also has a brother with her, and he has adjusted well. I feel so bad for these children, its not fair what has happened to them. I think the system go about this all wrong, they need to do more to the parents, if I was to kick my dog and someone seen it they call the ASPCA, I go to jail and get a fine, but if I kick my child that's ok,,,do you see some thing wrong with this picture, make the parent pay for this crime. Well any help you may give me would be helpful. Thank you

[Shell4]

Thank you for your reply, I will try that next time. Sorry I didn't give more info, she is the youngest, and her brother is the oldest, the other two are from different family. She is 7 but looks like she is 3, she is so tiny, her brother is use to taking care of her, he has told me she had done the same thing to their mother, but no problem I will not give up. I'm in it for the long run, I'm just hoping the parents will get there act together.....Thanks