[mckenna]

hi,

i have been a foster parent for 3 years and i am now in the process of adopting a child who has been in my home for 18+ months. i am very excited. the concern i know have is that in the past when a child in my home was returned to his/her birth family, i was the only one who was immediatly effected (in my house hold). i would like to continue to foster (and possible adopt in the future). i would like to know how some of you deal with the removal of children from your home and how your children deal with the situation as well.

thanks

[lambeausam]

My oldest son was placed with me at age 2 1/2. During the five years since then, I have fostered 7 other children, one of which I adopted a year ago. Granted, your child is still pretty young, so our family's method may not work yet, but here it is.

I have explained fostering to my boys like this...As a foster family, we have a very important job - one that is even more important that the President's sometime. We have to make sure the children that live with us are safe and loved until it is time for the judge to make other plans.

This helps them on a few levels: One, they immediately accept the children as members of the household, not visitors. Two, it give them as sense of pride by being tasked with an important job. Finally, by placing the perception of burden upon the judge it allows for several options - return home, relative guardianship, long-term foster care or even adoption.

We have only had one placement since my youngest son (3yo) arrived eighteen months ago. It was a pair of brothers that only stayed with us five days. Even though the boys would have benefitted from longer stay (long story made for a different thread), it was a great experience for my son. I explained to him that the boys enjoyed their time with us, but the judge said it was time for them to go home. It only took him a couple days to stop asking where the boys were.

I really enjoy fostering, so does my oldest son. In fact, he has the youngest asking, "Is it DCFS?" everytime the phone rings at night! I hope this offers you some ideas for your youngster.

[mckenna]

thanks, that helps, i don't think i am quite ready to foster again until my son gets a little oder atleast 21/2 but i want to be prepared when the time comes

[lambeausam]

Okay,

I just had to add something today...We had just returned home from work and daycare. I was in the laundry room down stairs starting yet another load, when the phone rang. My seven year old checks the caller ID and see "Illinois DCFS." He answers the phone and asks the caller to hold on for a minute. He then yells at the top of his lungs, "Mom, it's DCFS, can we have another kid?" Of course the caller, whom we've known for five years, is laughing hysterically when I get to the phone. Yes, she was calling for a placement (10yo girl), but we had to politely decline.

One more thing...until my oldest son was five, he thought babies arrived by phone call!