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  #1  
Old 09-09-2013, 10:17 AM
sadieg sadieg is offline
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Turning down an adoptive placement

Ugh. I HATE saying NO. But, I know we aren't equipped to deal with this sibling group. We set our guidelines, 1 child or 2 if they're siblings. Well, it's a sibling group of 3. Our house just won't work with 3 or more. We are a 1-2 child home. I know these kids will get adopted but I hate saying no!

8 y/o girl
2 y/o boy
1 y/o girl

Fingers crossed that these little ones can get an adoptive home together.
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12/6/2012 - Got the ball rolling to become licensed.
2/15/2013 - Paperwork submitted.
3/26/2013 - Licensed!
4/2013 - 8/2013 - Bright Eyes (1 year) - Moved to wonderful relatives. Forever our first daughter
7/2013 - Twinkle Toes (6 months) Respite
9/2013 - Monkey (15 months) Respite
10/2013 - Pumpkin (4 months) Respite
12/2013 - 1/2014 - Squishy (2 days old)
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  #2  
Old 09-09-2013, 10:30 AM
servnjah servnjah is offline
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wow, those would be great for us. Of course, all I know are ages and adoptable. I'm sure they can get a home though as long as it is safe and healthy for them to
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Mama Pam

Big Sister (21) , Big Brother (18)
Tumbler (8) , Swimmer (7) , and T-lo (6)
Current Foster Kiddo:Squishy (brand new!)

Sweet Little Monkey (3) - We will always love you and miss you.
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  #3  
Old 09-09-2013, 10:39 AM
sadieg sadieg is offline
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I feel bad. Ugh. But my husband and I talked about our "list" and the main thing was no more than 2 children of a sibling group. That's just our limit and I know I would go nuts with 3. We were barely used to having 1 and she was a breeze.

Just a gut feeling it's not the right placement for us.

The 8 year old has some issues with peeing her pants and hiding her underwear in her backpack, as well as ADHD that's controlled by medicine. The 1 & 2 year olds are great.

If they can't find a home together, they want to keep the 8 yr old and 2 year old together, and the 1 year old has a potential adoptive family already.

But still, even if we just went for the 8 & 2 year old, it doesn't feel completely right. I am not sure I want an 8 year old to be completely honest.

My thoughts are with them and hoping they all 3 get a home together.
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12/6/2012 - Got the ball rolling to become licensed.
2/15/2013 - Paperwork submitted.
3/26/2013 - Licensed!
4/2013 - 8/2013 - Bright Eyes (1 year) - Moved to wonderful relatives. Forever our first daughter
7/2013 - Twinkle Toes (6 months) Respite
9/2013 - Monkey (15 months) Respite
10/2013 - Pumpkin (4 months) Respite
12/2013 - 1/2014 - Squishy (2 days old)
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  #4  
Old 09-09-2013, 10:42 AM
jhiett21 jhiett21 is offline
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Saying no is the hardest part, because once you do, you have no idea when the next call will come in.

Not only do you need to do what is best for you, but also the children. If it does not feel right, than you did the right thing. It may take awhile, but the right call will happen!
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  #5  
Old 09-09-2013, 11:23 AM
Keelah Keelah is offline
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Don't feel guilty. You did the right thing by your family and by the kids. Taking children who you are not willing or able to care for is doing them a huge injustice. It's best for them to go somewhere else.
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  #6  
Old 09-09-2013, 11:29 AM
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MountainMommy MountainMommy is offline
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I don't really like that big of a span. I mean 8 and 2 is a world apart. At least, that's my opinion. The peeing in her pants could be sexual abuse and that is a red flag to me. Maybe the next placement will be the one!
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6/25/12- Initial inquiry into adoption
10/11/12 Officially on the list

12/2012 Got the call for twin girls, age three
8/2013 Got the call for a boy, age 15 months

Currently on the list for a girl, 0-6, any race


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08/2013-present- Adopted 4/2014

Not in our home, but in our hearts - Twin A and B, age five 12/12-11/13
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  #7  
Old 09-09-2013, 11:31 AM
lotusmama lotusmama is offline
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I agree saying "No is the hardest" but you have to do what's best for your family and the children. When we started the process, our age range was 1-4 sibling set. Our first placement, 15mo/4mo. And there's a possiblity of a future sibling. My husband thought I had lost my mind and complains about lack of sleep some days but our lives as well as the children's lives are truly blessed.

Be patient. The right call will come through.
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  #8  
Old 09-09-2013, 12:41 PM
moesyk4 moesyk4 is offline
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Good for you...there is nothing worse than reading posts on here about kids getting disrupted because someone felt bad and went outside their parameters and it ended badly. There will be a home for them, and someone for you guys too!
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  #9  
Old 09-09-2013, 12:44 PM
servnjah servnjah is offline
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Enuresis is often a fear/anger reaction. At least with most of the kids we've had who have done it (regularly). That doesn't bother me.

But I think that not being sure about an 8yo, taking one who does have that behavior (and if that one, possibly some others), taking three when you want one or two, etc....it was wise of you to say no.

It was funny. When we were getting into this, I was like, "please, just use the bathroom." I found the "what you do with pee" song on youtube (Christine Moyers). I still cannot sing that song correctly. Then not only do I take in kids with behavioral urination, but those who use poop similarly as well as vomit. We had a 15yo we didn't know had one issue til he left leaving us presents <sigh>. Anyway, but now? I'm kinda like, "pee? well, at least we know how to deal with that one...."
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Big Sister (21) , Big Brother (18)
Tumbler (8) , Swimmer (7) , and T-lo (6)
Current Foster Kiddo:Squishy (brand new!)

Sweet Little Monkey (3) - We will always love you and miss you.
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  #10  
Old 09-09-2013, 12:46 PM
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Instantmom12 Instantmom12 is offline
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It IS hard to say no! All those babies we were called for during our one month hiatus between Squeaks and Daisy- I felt so bad and prayed for each of them.

But you did the right thing! You will know when it is right. Exciting you are already getting pre-adoptive calls though! It means they know you are good parents and will be a great match for someone. Your baby(s) are still out there!!!
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-Married 2003
-4 fur-babies, 0 human babies
-Foster/Adoption Journey (Orientation Meeting) 3/12
-MAPP Classes 7/12-9/12
-Assigned a Case Worker 8/12
-First Home Study Visit Complete 9/27/12
-Second Home Study Visit completed 10/10/12
-Officially Licensed and Waiting! Approved for concurrent planning, 1 "newborn to 1 year old" 12/4/12
12/5/12 Placement!!! 5 Week Old Girl
"Squeaks"
3/6/13 Squeaks moved to family, but is forever the first daughter of our hearts!
April 2013 2nd Placement! toddler girl
STBAD "Daisy"
Goal: Adoption by us!!! TPR signed 7/14!!!

"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."
Matthew 18:5
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  #11  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:46 PM
BoysParent BoysParent is offline
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You did the right thing saying no. You're smart not to get into a situation that just doesn't feel right.

Hubby and I have turned down TWO adoptive placements in the past 3 months...but for very different reasons. Both sib sets (2) were a perfect match for us, but the cases had way too many avenues/holes in them to logically think they would actually get to adoption. I guess we just know too much after being burnt by our first adoptive placement we lost to RU.
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