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  #1  
Old 09-09-2013, 07:14 AM
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“re-homing”

Adopted girl says mother forced her to dig her own grave - Investigations


Hard to make me speechless. I am in utter shock reading all this.
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  #2  
Old 09-09-2013, 07:40 AM
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Disgusting! That's the only Apprpriate word that I can post here just makes me sick.
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  #3  
Old 09-09-2013, 08:09 AM
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Lorraine123 Lorraine123 is offline
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Please realize that many children adopted from orphanages or foster homes have attachment disorder. They frequently make false allegations. My daughter has made allegations that she isn't fed, she has no clothes, she is beaten and I only want her so that she can do all the housework. I tend to be skeptical when I read these claims. It may all be true, but it also may not.

If a parent has a child that they cannot care for, why is rehoming a bad thing?

Last edited by Lorraine123 : 09-09-2013 at 08:11 AM.
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  #4  
Old 09-09-2013, 08:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorraine123
Please realize that many children adopted from orphanages or foster homes have attachment disorder. They frequently make false allegations. My daughter has made allegations that she isn't fed, she has no clothes, she is beaten and I only want her so that she can do all the housework. I tend to be skeptical when I read these claims. It may all be true, but it also may not.

If a parent has a child that they cannot care for, why is rehoming a bad thing?

I do not have an issue as much with the rehoming as I do how it occurs. Signing a power of attorney and having no court or anything involved leaves it open for huge abuse. There needs to be home study's, ICPC, Etc. to keep the kids safe. They need to be sure they are going to a safe home.

I thought about the attachment issues and RAD and I can see how it can happen. Some people think you can fix kids with loving them and they get them home and realize the truth of the situations.
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  #5  
Old 09-09-2013, 08:40 AM
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Lorraine123 Lorraine123 is offline
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When a child is rehomed, it is done just like a private infant adoption. The new family must have a home study, ICPC is completed, a judge makes it legal. If the situation is not true rehoming, then guardianship is given, again a legal process. They are making it sound like parents are just handing their children over and that is not the case. I know several parents that have been involved in rehoming (from both sides) and it was an entire adoption process.

The sites that they are referring to, are where the parents find one another. Then they go through an adoption just like infant adoptions where the children are legally adopted.

It's sad to me that they are using sensationalism and ratings to promote this.

Yes, there are abusive adoptive parents, of course. Yes there are parents that just give their children away, of course. But that is not what these sites are about.
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  #6  
Old 09-09-2013, 08:50 AM
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Angry

This breaks my heart. :/
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Old 09-09-2013, 09:05 AM
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Omg... I read stuff like this and I just want to break down and cry.
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  #8  
Old 09-09-2013, 10:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorraine123
Please realize that many children adopted from orphanages or foster homes have attachment disorder. They frequently make false allegations. My daughter has made allegations that she isn't fed, she has no clothes, she is beaten and I only want her so that she can do all the housework. I tend to be skeptical when I read these claims. It may all be true, but it also may not.

If a parent has a child that they cannot care for, why is rehoming a bad thing?

I agree. This could be a horribly abusive parent, or a very RAD kid. We really can't tell. The article is written with an obvious slanted perspective, regardless of whether it is right, we can't tell. What jumped out to me is that "as soon as they were in the car" they started to tell the truth. That's not common in real abuse. It happens, but not often. It generally takes trust to disclose true abuse, or great courage. But a lie can be made up in a minute.

I don't think we can pass judgment without knowing the full story.
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  #9  
Old 09-09-2013, 10:16 AM
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I agree....
My first instinct was RAD too.
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  #10  
Old 09-09-2013, 10:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waitingforfamily
I agree. This could be a horribly abusive parent, or a very RAD kid. We really can't tell. The article is written with an obvious slanted perspective, regardless of whether it is right, we can't tell. What jumped out to me is that "as soon as they were in the car" they started to tell the truth. That's not common in real abuse. It happens, but not often. It generally takes trust to disclose true abuse, or great courage. But a lie can be made up in a minute.

I don't think we can pass judgment without knowing the full story.

Quote:
One day a nurse who’d been coming to the house and suspected something was amiss persuaded Debra to let her take Nora and another child for a visit at her own home.

“I was scared for them,” explained Sherry Dvorak. As soon as the girls were in her car they began crying and telling her everything.

So a nurse who would also be a mandated reporter who visited the home at least more than once - isn't trust worthy?

The "mother" pled no contest in a court of law...

But it's okay to blame the victim - after all - her first "forever family" obviously didn't want her...she must have been bad...

Dickons
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  #11  
Old 09-09-2013, 11:29 AM
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The woman went to jail after taking in 18 children who had very similar stories of abuse. Do the children have issues? Probably. However, that would not give the excuse for abuse in response.

I do think we need to be careful of judging adoptive parents of children at risk of having severe issues like mental illnesses, attachment disorders, etc. One of the key signs of such things is that the parents, particularly the mother, seems like they are angry, exaggerating, punitive, over-strict, etc. And the kids are particularly good at being charming, cute, sweet, angelic, etc.

Thankfully and Sadly, my congregation is really good at supporting and believing me because another congregation member went through this very thing (hopefully to a more extreme than I'll ever have to deal with because I don't know if I'm as strong as she is).

OB: “They Seem Normal to Me” | An Intentional Life

HOWEVER< I want to go back to my original thought that challenging kids do not deserve abuse no matter what. I also think it is *very* dangerous for us to assume challenging children or at-risk kids *are* lying, being manipulative, trying to hurt others, etc. Things still have to be checked out. And again, THIS woman admitted wrongdoing and was punished for it.
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Last edited by servnjah : 09-09-2013 at 11:40 AM.
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  #12  
Old 09-09-2013, 11:34 AM
mrsmichael33 mrsmichael33 is offline
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Angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Momyov2
Disgusting! That's the only Apprpriate word that I can post here just makes me sick.

Completely agree. The punishment does not fit the crime!
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  #13  
Old 09-09-2013, 11:57 AM
slackwater slackwater is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dickons
So a nurse who would also be a mandated reporter who visited the home at least more than once - isn't trust worthy?

The "mother" pled no contest in a court of law...

But it's okay to blame the victim - after all - her first "forever family" obviously didn't want her...she must have been bad...

Dickons

For what it's worth...our court system tells parents to plead no contest to the initial removal b/c it makes it easier to proceed with getting the kids back, even if the parent doesn't believe they did anything wrong. So I'm not sure what to read into that.

Also...most families will not rehome a child for hitting another child. I'm guessing there's a LOT more to the story there. Why would you go through the time, expense and heartbreak of international adoption - just to rehome a child for one transgression (and a relatively minor one at that?).

And, I don't think anyone is saying the nurse can't be trusted - but if the child has RAD (and, given medical issues, being raised in an orphanage, etc, it's VERY likely) - she could possibly convince even the most seasoned professionals of the truth of her statements.

This does NOT justify any inhumane treatments that she received - but I'm loathe to say that her side of the story is completely accurate, either.
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  #14  
Old 09-09-2013, 12:27 PM
Dickons Dickons is offline
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slackwater,

Quote:
In 2006, Debra pleaded no contest to 14 counts of child abuse and one count of trafficking. She was sentenced to six months in jail and put on probation.

So biological parents do that and serve jail time plus probation?

Would YOU as a foster parent or adoptive parent do that? Voluntarily do jail time and have a record - or would you fight the charges to prove you are innocent?

I do know reality of how some adopted children behave in a day to day setting.

Kind regards,
Dickons
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  #15  
Old 09-09-2013, 12:32 PM
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I will not judge the adoptive parents to harshly. There is a reason I refuse to take in older children. Most of them come with serious issues that I am not willing to deal with. I commend anyone who is. It is especially not for me to judge someone who tried, but couldn't make it work. They already have done more than I am willing to.
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