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  #16  
Old 09-09-2013, 12:39 PM
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80smusiclover 80smusiclover is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slackwater
For what it's worth...our court system tells parents to plead no contest to the initial removal b/c it makes it easier to proceed with getting the kids back, even if the parent doesn't believe they did anything wrong. So I'm not sure what to read into that.

Also...most families will not rehome a child for hitting another child. I'm guessing there's a LOT more to the story there. Why would you go through the time, expense and heartbreak of international adoption - just to rehome a child for one transgression (and a relatively minor one at that?).

And, I don't think anyone is saying the nurse can't be trusted - but if the child has RAD (and, given medical issues, being raised in an orphanage, etc, it's VERY likely) - she could possibly convince even the most seasoned professionals of the truth of her statements.

This does NOT justify any inhumane treatments that she received - but I'm loathe to say that her side of the story is completely accurate, either.


This and what controlling said.
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  #17  
Old 09-09-2013, 12:53 PM
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I stand by my thoughts that this is sensationalism. There are too many conflicts in this story. A child cannot be adopted by another family without legal proceedings. They just can't.

My daughter (severe RAD) stayed in respite care for 6 months -gasp- during a particularly tough time. Her respite providers had power of attorney, but they were not her parents. If they had become her parents, they would have to go through all legal channels. I would have to have TPR filed on me.

My daughter stayed in this home while I worked to get resources set up for her at home. I know many parents that have done the same thing. Some of those parents could not bring their children back home. They did legally re-home.

Based in what I am reading here - i am guilty of underground re-homing.

There is almost always more to the story. Almost always. Every parent that I know that has re homed has done it with a very heavy heart.

Sure, there are abusive parents every where. We, as foster parents, know that more than any other group. This mom may be one. But why would she collect these kids just to abuse? Just to demean?

There are also a lot of charming, manipulative kids. I have one. The girls story just had too many holes for me.

Maybe I'm just jaded.

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its ok to blame the victim
I guess that depends on who the victim really is. For me, it's not clear.

Last edited by Lorraine123 : 09-09-2013 at 12:55 PM.
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  #18  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:19 PM
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Yes Lorraine,

There is far more to this story...

The first trial they were found guilty, but jury polling had one hold out so there was a mistrial.

The Minnesota Governor's Council on Developmental Disabilities:

They moved from Wn to Tn right after they were investigated there...according to the Sherrif in Tn

Abuse Claims At Noted Foster Home - CBS News

Many more stories on the net about this case - including the fact that they took the plea deal just before the second trial started - perhaps the metal cages made them think they would be found guilty - who knows.

Kind regards,
Dickons
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  #19  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorraine123
Please realize that many children adopted from orphanages or foster homes have attachment disorder. They frequently make false allegations. My daughter has made allegations that she isn't fed, she has no clothes, she is beaten and I only want her so that she can do all the housework. I tend to be skeptical when I read these claims. It may all be true, but it also may not.

If a parent has a child that they cannot care for, why is rehoming a bad thing?


Hmmmmm...I guess I would have to wonder who dug all the holes in that woman's back yard. I would safely conclude that they did in fact check the backyard for "graves". This woman was convicted wasn't she?

"....why is rehoming a bad thing?" Really? Regardless of what the circumstances are for someone needing to "rehome" their adopted child, I would still call "rehoming" a BAD thing.

Lets not forget who the real victims are...the CHILDREN, not the ADULTS who chose to adopt and make this forever committment to this child only to find out later the child was "broken" and they don't want "it" anymore.

Sorry, but I think its just plain silly to even try to defend the idea/term "rehoming".
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  #20  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:26 PM
BoysParent BoysParent is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dickons
Many more stories on the net about this case - including the fact that they took the plea deal just before the second trial started - perhaps the metal cages made them think they would be found guilty - who knows.

Kind regards,
Dickons

Snaps to you Dickons. I like your style.
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  #21  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:35 PM
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80smusiclover 80smusiclover is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoysParent
Hmmmmm...I guess I would have to wonder who dug all the holes in that woman's back yard. I would safely conclude that they did in fact check the backyard for "graves". This woman was convicted wasn't she?

"....why is rehoming a bad thing?" Really? Regardless of what the circumstances are for someone needing to "rehome" their adopted child, I would still call "rehoming" a BAD thing.

Lets not forget who the real victims are...the CHILDREN, not the ADULTS who chose to adopt and make this forever committment to this child only to find out later the child was "broken" and they don't want "it" anymore.

Sorry, but I think its just plain silly to even try to defend the idea/term "rehoming".

I dont like the term either..kinda gives me an "icky" feeling.
Rehoming is too reminiscent of a pet.
is there another term for it that I'm not aware of?
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  #22  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:44 PM
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I'm not debating whether these parents are innocent or guilty. It sounds as if they were guilty. We are all aware that child abuse exists and, believe me, I hope that all abusive/neglectful parents get prosecuted as much as possible.

I just want others to be aware that RAD children exist. They are very charming and very hurtful to their parents. Again, I don't know that this is case here, but there are a lot of signs of it, in my eyes. I cringe when I read something like was posted above and then see others jump on the "abusive parent" bandwagon.

Quote:
Lets not forget who the real victims are...the CHILDREN, not the ADULTS who chose to adopt and make this forever committment to this child only to find out later the child was "broken" and they don't want "it" anymore.

Sorry, but I think its just plain silly to even try to defend the idea/term "rehoming".
This is very upsetting to me. Many parents have adopted extremely disordered children and later discovered that the child was disordered beyond their capabilities. Until you have lived it, you really can't say. But I can tell you that I never decided that I didn't want "it" anymore. What I decided was that my child needed care beyond my abilities. My daughter is not an "it". To say that is offensive.
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  #23  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:47 PM
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Here is the original investigation - 2 parts are out, 3 more are to come.

Reuters Investigates - The Child Exchange

It's not so much about the people who are looking to "re-home" but about the people who search for these kids online and offer to "adopt" them for their own purposes, good or bad. But so far, it's mostly following one woman and her husband. Many of the kids are international adoptions and it talks about how the parents don't get the training, services or have the information that most foster parents have about the traumas and issues that adopted and foster kids have. Therefore, some of these parents are alone in dealing with major issues and feel they can't deal with it alone any more and are willing to sign their rights over to almost anyone. Of course, not all folks do this, but apparently there were several very busy message boards where people would basically post info about their kids and try to give them away, without anything other than a power of attorney paper.

And the investigators did speak to the parents who re-homed their children and have interviewed some of the children that have been re-home - who are adults now.

Last edited by Slambrarian : 09-09-2013 at 01:51 PM.
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  #24  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:47 PM
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Quote:
is there another term for it that I'm not aware of?
The term "re-homing" isn't even used by parents that do this. It a demeaning term. Dissolution is a far better term and the one used by parents in this situation.

There are lots of "not politically correct" terms that are debated on these forms. This is one of them.

Dissolution is the correct verbage.
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  #25  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorraine123
The term "re-homing" isn't even used by parents that do this. It a demeaning term. Dissolution is a far better term and the one used by parents in this situation.

There are lots of "not politically correct" terms that are debated on these forms. This is one of them.

Dissolution is the correct verbage.

Isn't it "dissolution" if it's done legally in court? If so, that is not what these folks are doing.
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  #26  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:50 PM
tygerlilyzz tygerlilyzz is offline
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if someone adopts a child that they are not able to continue parenting for whatever reason this is not the way to go about things. According to the article I read they simply signed a POA so the Easons could act on Quita's behalf. There were no background checks, no legal aid was sought to do this the right way. I understand the parents were probably at the end of their rope but my word- if you have to relinquish custody of a child this is how NOT TO DO IT.

I have never heard of such a thing before reading this article. I'm sorry but I would be EXTREMELY suspicious of someone who would take a child with severe emotional and behavioral problems without ever having met the child or reading their case history.

My first thought was how many of these children are rehomed and then trafficked?
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  #27  
Old 09-09-2013, 01:51 PM
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No doubt the "18 kids" woman was crazy, abusive, neglectful or all the above. Only disgust for her, of course. Should've been longer sentence


What *good* avenues are there for people who adopt, and find they're in over their heads? When they were lied to either by foster care or an International agency?

We're doing every other thing in our lives over the Internet, this forum, FB, people connecting 1001 ways. To say this could never work I think is just pushing the pendulum too far the other way.

What's the name of that woman who started adoption in this country? Sometimes I wonder if all her rotten slimy dealings didn't infect adoption at its core. No matter how many "good" adoptions there are.
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  #28  
Old 09-09-2013, 02:01 PM
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Lorraine123 Lorraine123 is offline
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Isn't it "dissolution" if it's done legally in court? If so, that is not what these folks are doing.
Good point. You are correct.

Maybe that's the point actually. Instead of chastising the parents that do this, we should be looking at why they do it and how to avoid that.

In most states in the USA, you cannot easily dissolve an adoption. The parents must be found negligent and then the court will step in. The adoptive parents are then labelled child abusers, and possibly have jail sentences. A parent cannot take their child to DSS and say "here". They will be charged. A parent cannot go back to an adoption agency after the fact. Well, they can, but the agency has no obligation to help them (domestic or international).

I agree that a parent should NEVER give their child over to a stranger in this way. But what options do they have? Keep the child in their home? Easily said until you have been there. If you get the child out of your home, you are charged with abandonment. If you keep the child in your home and they harm another child in the home, you are charged with neglect. Its a d*** if you do and d*** if you don't.

There are no "good" avenues.

I wish this would turn into a "what can we do to prevent this" discussion instead of a "who is wrong" discussion. Abusive adults are wrong, we all agree on that.
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  #29  
Old 09-09-2013, 02:31 PM
lotusmama lotusmama is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slambrarian
Here is the original investigation - 2 parts are out, 3 more are to come.

Reuters Investigates - The Child Exchange

It's not so much about the people who are looking to "re-home" but about the people who search for these kids online and offer to "adopt" them for their own purposes, good or bad. But so far, it's mostly following one woman and her husband. Many of the kids are international adoptions and it talks about how the parents don't get the training, services or have the information that most foster parents have about the traumas and issues that adopted and foster kids have. Therefore, some of these parents are alone in dealing with major issues and feel they can't deal with it alone any more and are willing to sign their rights over to almost anyone. Of course, not all folks do this, but apparently there were several very busy message boards where people would basically post info about their kids and try to give them away, without anything other than a power of attorney paper.

And the investigators did speak to the parents who re-homed their children and have interviewed some of the children that have been re-home - who are adults now.
Thanks for the link. Truly amazing that even an FC adoptive Mom "gave" her 10yr old to total strangers and CPS only wanted her to get him back. Hello!!!! She should've been investigated.
My heart goes out to all the children. I understand that Intl and even domestic adoption can fail, but sending children to ppl you met on the internet. Really!!!!
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  #30  
Old 09-09-2013, 02:33 PM
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Actually, I looked earlier today and there ARE legal ways to do this with help. It would require more than just signing a power of attorney, of course. There are still a number of issues. And I think it may be challenging to find these resources. Of course, if I found it in just a few minutes, I probably could more fully research it as I'm making a heart wrenching decision over weeks and months.

I don't think that doing this is awful. Fact is that not every family can help every child. I don't think the families who choose this should be judged. I see on this board, all the time that people "couldn't live like that." It really isn't for everyone. And even people doing it can't necessarily handle the next kiddo with severe issues also. I also think that these sorts of things have been done privately for eons. I think how it is being done may need to be worked out. A parent in this position needs to feel they have options; but it needs to be safe for the child also which obviously it isn't always. But the internet *is* our lives these days. I can't say I blame people for looking for advice and help and even a new home that way. The scams are what I would worry about. The bad people looking for children and the bad people taking advantage of good people who would like to help a child.

Children cannot be the ones to suffer the consequences of those situations.
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Last edited by servnjah : 09-09-2013 at 02:54 PM.
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